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My daughter and I set up dad's closed caption phone yesterday so I could have some more contact with him without having to stop by multiple times a day.


We want to sell his car and add the proceeds to his savings, but he didn't know where the title was (when mom was alive she did everything for him). Well, I said to myself, it's time for you to help out a bit, dad. I asked him to look for the title while I was at work. And guess what, he found it. That little thing lifted his spirit.


Do you, fine fellows, have any tips or ideas on activities or chores my dad can do every day or occasionally to help him feel like he has purpose in life?


Thank you in advance.

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Looks like he loved doing this.
Maybe get him a nice file box (I used a pretty winebox for my brother's stuff in the beginning) and ask Dad to organize his "important papers". Give him the files marked "taxes", "home repairs", implement guarantees, medical, blah blah and tell him to put his important papers in the file. Then, when Dad is asleep, gone, whatever, go through the file. He may be better at this than you think.
And it may be helpful.

I absolutely LOVE that you are ENABLING your father instead of DISabling him. You are fostering independence, a sense of pride, and most of all some CONTROL. Many make the mistake of trying to do every single things for them, which is demoralizing at best.

I completely congratulate you, K. What good work!
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Kwiemer May 17, 2024
Ohhhhhhh I absolutely love this idea.

As soon as I get the POA papers signed my next awful job is trying to figure out his finances.

He handed me the bag full of unopened mail on the day I moved him... and I was like, no, I can not deal with this now.
BUT I can give him back his mail and he can sort it and put it in folders!!!!

I could hug you right now
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K,

Your relationship with your dad is truly heartwarming. You are allowing your father to retain his dignity.

I remember becoming frustrated whenever I had to take my mom to appointments.

Just before we were getting ready to leave she would say, “Honey, I have to use the bathroom. I won’t be long.” Old people move slowly when they have Parkinson’s disease.

Inevitably, I would end up having to rush to get her to her appointment. She would be back seat driving the entire time because she was nervous about being late. She was never late to any of her appointments. I made sure that she was on time.

I thought that I was doing the correct thing by telling her to use the bathroom earlier, so that we could get going sooner.

Mom called me out on this and said, “Please don’t speak to me like I am a child. Wait until you get old and can’t control that you have to use the bathroom more frequently. I am not trying to delay when we leave.”

I realized that Mom was right to call me out and I apologized to her. I never wanted her to feel like she lost her dignity, and I stopped telling her that she had to use the bathroom before we left.

Sometimes, it’s the little things that we have all done out of frustration that causes others to feel like they are not valued.

Once my mom told me, “People forget about us when we get old. The doctor speaks to you like I am not in the room.” I told the doctor to address Mom instead of me and if he needed additional information that I would give it to him.

Be an advocate for your father but let him know that he isn’t forgotten.

I am not worried about you. You have a caring and sensible attitude towards your dad. You’re going to do well in this next phase of your life.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I know that she is missed dearly by you and your father.

Wishing you all the best.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Kwiemer May 17, 2024
Thank you so much. I know there will be times that I will lose my patience with dad, but I'm really trying not to and if i do, i will apologize as soon as possible.

I never again want him to feel like he did with my brother, that he can't speak or ask questions because he's afraid I'll abandon him, kick him out on the street like my brother did and then he will be all along
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This is so sweet that you notice your dad needs to feel a purpose in life.

I'm very touched because I don't think we see that often enough.

Love Alvas Idea.

I'm sure more will come to you as time goes buy
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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My Dad would wait for the mail and get the Mail from the Postman and then pay his Bills . We got a Lot of Magazines and newspapers he Liked to read them . Emptying Out the groceries from the Car. Helping fold Laundry . Gardening and watering plants . We would Take a LYFT to the bank and slowly walk home and take breaks . Sit and People watch , get a basket of strawberries at the farmers market , a shake at a cafe and sit Outside , Lunch and sit Outside and chat with People . A ice cream and sit on a bench . We did a lot of people watching .
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Kwiemer May 17, 2024
Thats beautiful... thank you for sharing
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Im going to call dad when I get off of work and ask him to write out his grocery list ( :

He's only been in his new place 4 days, and there is no stove, but he has a microwave. And he'll need some toiletries.

He gets one free meal a day but he should get to pick his snacks
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Reply to Kwiemer
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Since dad is living in an Assisted Living facility check the calendar of events weekly and get him engaged in activities that he would enjoy.
Quite often facilities have trips they arrange. there are other activities in the building.
Some AL facilities have "ambassadors" that take new residents under their wing and show them around, introduce them to people and in general make them feel welcome. If his facility has something like that make sure that he is shown around. Many facilities have Activity Directors that will do this as well.

I am sure if you recently moved him into the facility there are boxes of things that he can go through. 1 box at a time with no pressure to get it done. Each box he goes through is one you don't have to go through.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Mom loved feeling useful (even with late stage alzheimers)

She liked:
folding laundry
dry swiffering

If you think Dad is up for it can you have him prep a meal for you and daughter and then
the two of you come over to eat with him? Or prepare the meal that he prepped?
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Kwiemer May 18, 2024
That is a great idea. Unfortunately, not for my dad.

He is in assisted living and although he has a kitchen, they don't allow stoves. And with his arthritis, we call them his sausage fingers lol, he can't hold onto utensils very well.

BUT I'm sure this suggestion will help someone else ( :
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