I'm an only child, and as such my mom's legal documents (will, POA, etc.) haven't been as top of mind as the rest of her care in recent years, but I want to get those things in order now. My mom's lawyer has been with her for years, is a relatively young guy and has been very helpful in the past (when my dad was dying in 2006, for example). We haven't needed much legal care between then and now so I don't talk to him with any regularity. I called a month ago and left him a message about getting these documents updated. Didn't hear back, followed up 2 weeks later and caught him in the office. Discussed everything, and he said he'd email the necessary documents along with the answers to some questions he had to look into. Didn't hear anything for a week and a half, sent him a follow-up email. Didn't hear back. That was another week and a half ago. I just left him another message, but I'm starting to get concerned about what will happen if and when we need his help urgently. Is this just par for the course for business professionals these days? I'm not aggressive or obnoxious (if anything, too polite and deferential) so I can't imagine he's avoiding me on purpose. I hate to start over again with someone new (he's also co-Trustee on the trust we set up as asset protection for my mom's house, so that would have to be changed for starters). FYI he's not an elder care lawyer, just a "regular" one :)
If I were you, I would call his office, explain what you have been waiting THREE WEEKS for (it is not aggressive or obnoxious to allow yourself to sound tight-lipped) and ask when you might expect to hear from him. If the office fobs you off with "as soon as possible" or similar indefinite answer, tell them that's not good enough and you require receipt of the paperwork by [whenever you want it by]. You don't have to spell out or else what, you can leave that to be implied, but you should bear in mind that there are other lawyers and some might be a better match for your needs.
It is par for the course, not to say the tradition of centuries, for lawyers' progress to be glacial (take for example Trollope's "Messrs Slow & Bideawhile") but there is nothing wrong with giving them the odd polite poke.
My suggestion is to actually go to the office since the phone call isn’t working and ask for the old documents and find a new attorney who specializes in the documents you need. You should state that you need them promptly. That shouldn’t be a problem.
The old attorney may be under staffed or not rushed. Better to find someone who is more interested.
I’m in the process of updating my paperwork and when I sent in an email on a Friday, I had an appointment the next week. The update is to make sure my daughter is on all the documents and can be familiar with the bill paying process. My husband (her father) is old school and when I told him sending checks through the mail was not good but using the bank or credit Union bill pay program assured accountability, and one never had to worry about things getting lost, he simply couldn’t remember. He would ask for refresher training every 3 to 6 months. He doesn’t pay the bills. I do. When I asked if he wanted to take over, the answer was an emphatic no, but should something happen he should know what to do. I provided an instruction sheet, but that still doesn’t click.
Only the car insurance shows up in the mail. Everything else goes to my email or bank account. House maintenance is mostly on me for big ticket items.
He manages his mother’s account as POA and it is somewhat automatic at this point, because I helped clean up his mother’s house and get it sold.The only bills are his mother’s ALF, taxes, healthcare and her dog. He is ever grateful not to have to deal with her house anymore. He is also happy to have minimal contact with her because she abused him verbally for years.
The attorney needs to respond because time is not on your side.
Also, without currently being POA the attorney cannot speak with you about documents that are your Mother's.
Is your Mom competent?
If so, it is up to your Mother to make an appointment with HER attorney.
Then, if she wishes you to be there, she can request you accompany her.
Have Mom call for an appointment.
If, however, Mom is no longer competent, then nothing in her Trust or POA can be changed by her. And if you are not listed as POA you cannot get information. That would mean you may need to go the guardianship route.
Regular attorneys are well able to handle simple POA, looking at a Trust and etc.
So step #1. Mom calls her attorney for an appointment.
step #2. You and Mom attend the appointment with any questions, updates
and your current documents.
Also, IMO I would choose to work with a CELA (Certified Elder Law Attorney) who is well versed in the elder law, estate planning, etc. Always go with a specialist. You may also choose to contact a Medicaid Planner for your mother's state.
You should be aware that the attorney will take your mother into a room to privately interview her to assess if she's got "capacity" to create or amend the mentioned documents. You will only be invited in the meeting if she meets the standard and agrees to have you participate. This is to ensure she is not under undue pressure from others.
If your mother doesn't pass their assessment for capacity, then whatever documents she has existing will be unchangeable. She won't be able to create any new ones. FYI her memory/retention is not the deciding factor, but comprehension mostly is.
I live in MN and my 102-yr old Aunt, for whom I am DPoA is in FL. My Aunt requested I make the appointment because I'm flying down there and an appointment day/time is based on my schedule. I email her attorney with this info and include my Aunt's contact info. There is no appointment confirmed until they contact my Aunt directly and get her approval and more info about what she wishes to do at this appointment. Even though I've been to this attorney with my Aunt at least 2 times within the last 2 years, the protocol doesn't change.
AND
From a post of yours on April 1,
"My mom has had caregivers in her home for 6 hours a day (2 hours in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, 2 in the evening) for a number of years. Recently we put her on temporary (we hope) round-the-clock care after a minor injury. The increase in activity in the house, many new faces, disruption to her routine, etc. has definitely had an effect on her cognition."
The attorney would not be able to change anything if this is still the case. Your profile says mom has Alzheimer's.
Yes we went through the attorney evaluation of capacity with my mom. It was his call, which did not lead to success of being able to revise documents. It is said that they only need to understand "in the moment" what they are signing.
You say each attorney you spoke with, how many did you have to speak with before you found one that would do the work? Attorneys have to be very careful with this as their ethical behavior could easily be challenged and their license.
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