We recently moved mom into a new AL/MC facility. She is at end-stages of dementia but still wants to eat and drink however, her physical limitations due to dementia prevent her from getting food on utensils or food into mouth. At moms entrance to Facility they were told she was a full-assist needed help eating, toileting, everything. They said that was fine. After a few months at breakfast one morning I was told by several other residents in AL that mom was struggling to eat at dinner the night before, several residents tried to intervene and were told to not talk to my mom and get away, that they (Facility) weren't allowed to feed her. Needless to say I've been going in for every meal and am exhausted. The ED still has not responded to my question if they feed MC residents or not but, rather redirects the conversation into unfounded accusations against me (but never raised them to me just everyone else). The ED has been dismissive to my concerns and I'm beyond frustrated. The ED is actually pitting CG's and family members against each other because we think CGs are supposed to be doing X, Y & Z and they're really not. I went to HR to try and move forward...and low and behold I was told by her they cannot feed the MEMORY CARE DEMENTIA patients...We were completely misled on this issue. This issue is only one of many but my biggest concern at the moment. I would appreciate any input or suggestions?? Thank you.
Can they cite a regulation they are adhering to?
Consider contacting the Ombudsman to resolve this.
If your mother is that far gone with dementia that she can't put food in her own mouth anymore, she belongs in a nursing home not assisted living.
The facility she's in needs to be reported at once because they are allowing residents to stay who are clearly beyond their scope of care services. This can be dangerous to not just the resident but all the others as well. It's also wrong to have a person so out of it with dementia that they can't even feed themselves with the other residents who are not so bad off.
I worked in an assisted living facility years ago that had very specific rules. All residents had to be able to walk without assistance (walkers and canes were fine). They had to be able to dress, feed, and toilet independently. The administrator was determined to make sure every bed was filled and was allowing residents to stay who had advanced dementia and would wander off because they didn't know better. Residents who had become diaper-dependent incontinent and ones who were no longer able to decently feed themselves with eating utensils. Then the staff was expected to pick up the slack. Hands-on care was not part of my job at the residence and I plainly refused to do any. I had to turn them into the state when a resident far gone with dementia left and got on a bus to go shopping.
Your mother is not safe in the assisted living facility. She needs a higher level of care and that will mean a nursing home.
ALs and MCs are for people who need very little assistance. They need to be able to feed themselves at least.
If there are other residents in the MC that are similar to your mother and not being fed and properly cared for then they need to be reported to the state and a call has to go to APS (Adult Protective Services) because this neglect.
When your mother took up residency in this facility there would have been admitting paperwork that someone had to sign. There would also have been paperwork describing the type of care and services they offer. If they state and made it clear that the facility does not provide invalid care then the residents who cannot independently feed are invalids and do not belong there. The administration is not supposed to allow them to stay because they do not provide this kind of care.
This facility your mother is in needs to get reported to the proper authorities.
BTW there's definitely neglect. They have a MC resident who has been violent 6 or 7 times (1x she punched mom in the face making her bleed). The lady has been baker acted and returned to this facility over and over; in fact, on Sat morning she punched a CG in face was removed by ambulance and allowed to return sat evening; she was violent again sun am and removed again. I'm sure they'll allow her back.
You don't need paperwork to make a call to APS and report the facility your mother is in.
Invalids unable to feed themselves who aren't being fed by someone is abuse and neglect.
Make a call yourself to APS. The make another one to the mayor of the town or city this facility is in and another to your governor. I see from your name that Florida must be your state. Although it is a very beautiful place, especially Key West I pity all Floridians because of who your governor is. Make a complaint to his office about this facility anyway.
Next time you visit your mother, bring a friend. One with a cellphone who can discreetly record invalid residents unsuccessfully trying to slop food into their mouths without assistance. Or one of other residents with dementia attempting to feed someone. Send that video off to a local news station. Or better still make a couple of copies. Send one to ABC World News Tonight. Address to David Muir personally. Send another to 20/20 or 60 Minutes. They love stories like this. These are actions you can take without paperwork.
Feel the same about the Gov.
You say they are making unfounded accusations against you. This seems a complex issue and I think it needs intervention by ombudsman, as you are getting told different things. As I said, keep a diary.
Reading your responses below I see that you are not the POA. This means that you are really NOT the one they will communicate with. They will communicate with the POA. And the POA is the one who must place complaints, speak with administration, lodge complaints, communicate, and call in Ombudsman. I would speak with your brother.
If you are seeing real weight loss, emaciation, failure to thrive, you are free to call adult protective services but I feel that with your brother serving as POA you may be left to get together with him to find a way forward.
Do know that your constant going in to feed your Mom will by the nature of things put her last on the list to be fed. It falls under Beatty's law of "There will be no solution if you are all of the solutions".
Sure do wish you luck.
No other family members ever go in at mealtime. I'm just not able to bring myself to not help my mom when she's already lost so much weight and still wants to eat.
I think that your brother needs to be like a pitbull and ask the question again, when the ED says something nonsequetor then he just asks again. Yes ED, I hear you, however, my question is, "Why isn't my mom receiving feedings?" Keep asking the question until it gets answered.
I would record the conversation and I would be upfront about it. I am going to record our conversation ED because I have family members that want to know, okay with you? Be recording during this time, if they say no, I would say that we need to do this in writing then, because I am having a hard time remembering and I like to be able to refer back to conversations and not keep bothering you with the same questions.
I have never heard that a MC facility doesn't help feed a person. My concern would be that they aren't capable of providing her the level of care she needs.
This type of neglect would get you thrown in jail for elder abuse. I would report them to DHHS, Medicare, Ombudsman, APS and the Area on Aging, because they will report them, as well. Get your brother to do the same. Many reports by different people gets attention.
I would also mention the false allegations against you. This could get you prosecuted and with nothing in writing about lack of moms care it can get ugly.
One question. If mom isn't being fed, unless you do it, why hasn't she been moved? What else aren't they taking care of?
You are so right Isthisrealyreal, the list of things they aren't doing is very long.
Thanks for all your suggestions. I do believe after the meeting I will need to make a few phone calls to the appropriate folks.
Have you been going in to feed her? Can she feed herself handheld foods that you can provide? Can she hold a drink ? Or need a straw or what will allow her to be more independent in keeping herself alive?
It stinks that they misled you. They are being grossly negligent in their lack of care for patients that need eating assistance. I understand that it may be nearly impossible for them to provide this, but is also inhumane.
I would look at moving her elsewhere to a nursing home ASAP. Perhaps an aide needs to be hired to help her eat and drink at least once a day, at the meal she is most likely to be awake and hungry at.
I know if they refuse food the attendant is not required to force...apparently sitting with one patient while they eat is too much time and effort unless its a five star facility...i unexpectedtly arrived with one attendant feeding six patients with her feeding only one while the others were just sitting there with food getting cold..its a tough call...why put these poor vulnerable souls there in the first place???they will die sooner thats for sure.they did not feed at the NH that i put dad into...
MC is really no different than an AL. Just for Dementia residents that need to be in lockdown with supervision.
Not sure if you can report them. They are under certain State mandates but being privately owned, they can make their own rules. Your Mom needs a hire level of care. States are stricter with Longterm care facilities probably because these residents can't speak for themselves.
CGs in AL and memory care do NOT feed patients, it is a big liability issue.
If a private CG feeds a patient in their private room and the facility doesn't know..'believes' patient is feeding self...it can be done that way.
I don't think we can realistically say what any facility will or won't do. They apparently are very different facility to facility, state to state and region to region.
How did your meeting turn out?
Did you get anything resolved?
When I volunteered for Hospice for 8 1/2 years, a lot of my patients were living in nursing facilities/memory care, and that was an issue even then, people not getting fed in a timely manner. Often if the person I was visiting needed help being fed, I would feed them, and then if there was someone else near by that was waiting to be fed I would feed them as well.
And now that my husband is dead I've been looking for opportunities to volunteer in, and my first thought was to go to some of my local nursing facilities at lunch time to help feed those that can't feed themselves, but after calling several of them, I was told that because of Covid, they are not allowing any volunteers to come in at all. And that is so sad, as it's the dear patients that suffer because of that.
I would say that you might need to hire someone to come at meal times to feed your loved one,(if you or someone else isn't able to)but if they're not letting volunteers in, I'm not sure if they would let hired help in either.
Best wishes in getting this figured out.