Earlier this year my 84yo father was overdosed and almost died from lithium toxicity. When it came time for him to return home, I was advised by the case worker he would need an attendant/caregiver 24/7. I was lead to believe if this care were not provided, dad could be placed in a home involuntarily. Finances are tight, so we made an arrangement with a friend of a friend. B would reside in the home, make sure Dad took his meds, & ate regularly. B would also drive dad to appts and grocery shopping. All he wanted was room and board, $100 per week, and the freedom to work "odd jobs" if the opportunity came up and didn't interfere with Dad's care.
The first few weeks were heaven sent. Then B began to take over as if he owned the home. He was spoken too and agreed he was out of line. We had a few good days then the assertive behavior started back. Dad was doing his own driving, cooking for B, doing B's laundry and running a phone message service. After 3 months, Dad gave B 2 weeks notice and asked him to leave. That was 5 weeks ago. B is still there. He is verbally abusive and has now brought his girlfriend in. The house is now up for sale and B is sabotaging the process any way he can. Dad's health is deteriorating rapidly. Last night was particularly bad and dad called the police. B and girlfriend were left at the house while dad was escorted away by the police. The police say B is a "tenant" so mwe have to go thru the eviction process to get rid of him. I am astounded that the law is skewed in D's favor. I filed a complaint of elder abuse with APS today- that will take 10 days to investigate. I have dozens of notes this man has written calling dad a pr*ck, mother eff sob etc. I have witnesses to verbal name calling. He was also given a 3 day notice that his services were no longer required and that he needed to vacate. If he doesn't go along, we are facing an uphill court battle to get this scum out of my father's house.
Anyone else ever gone thru something like this? Any legal beagles with advice. I am making myself sick over this.
I hope you can get him out of your dad's house soon. And I would avoid any other friends of this friend! I wish someone else would make him a job offer that made it attractive for him to move fast. That would be great. You know anyone that needs an employee?
Dad moved to a motel today- after emptying refrigerator and cupboards of all food goods. We are looking into an attorney. I'm afraid this could get costly, but Dad's health and mental well being have to come first.
I think the police are wrong about considering B a tenant, and the responding officers were way off-base. B is not paying to live there. He was EMPLOYED as a "live-in caregiver". Once you have fired him, he must move out and should not require eviction proceedings. In my opinion, he is now a "squatter", illegally ocupying your fathers premises. The cops should just put him out - period. He is also abusing your father, abusing your home, and his position as well - of which you have plenty of proof. I would go back to them and insist they revisit the situation. I would insist on speaking to a detective, and file a formal complaint. They will be obligated to investigate and may find "dirt" on him you were not even aware of. He might have a record as a scam artist that preys on the elderly. Let them know you have also filed a complaint with APS - they will probably collaborate with eachother.
Your father being forced out of his own home in desperation and having to pay for a hotel room, while the abuser and his girlfriend remain in a house they do not own, is utterly ridiculous and totally unacceptable. I would not put up with it for another minute. I think you need to start yelling a little louder, and also get an attorney ASAP. It would be money well spent to restore your fathers rights.
It's been suggested we notify the utility companies we are going on vacation and have services suspended.
Mobile home parks generally have a condition on the lease that the lessee can't sub-let to someone else. B could be considered an "illegal sub-tenant" and the park could just kick him out. Especially now that the girlfriend has moved in. Also, such parks generally have the right boot out anyone who is causing trouble for other tenants - including your dad.
Just off the phone with our realtor who attempted to show the house today. B went ballistic and verbally assaulted the 2 realtors and the clients. Told them he was the caretaker in charge and they had to give him notice before they could come around, Our realtor went to the police to report the man is insane and a danger. He got nowhere.
Our church friends are there in shifts and so far today B has kept his distance. Only 3 hours to the 3 day notice deadline. YAY!
Eviction? That's a good one. My mom has rentals. She had one nasty woman in one of the houses. Mom tried to get rid of the woman, who hadn't paid rent in 8 months. Mom told me to stay out of it. So be it. Mom went over one day, to again remove this woman. Woman had a big attitude according to mom, got in her face so close mom thought she was going to hit her. I jumped in my car and broke the sound barrier getting over there. The woman had turned a nice house into something out of 'hoarders'. She had live chickens IN the house. I banged on the glass security door. Woman wouldn't come out. I picked up a lead pipe laying off the porch and proceeded to break the glass door. Then I kicked the door in. I snatched her out of the house by her shirt, was in HER face. She looked like a scared rabbit. I proceeded to inform her that she was no longer dealing with my mom, she was dealing with ME, and if she wasn't off my mothers property by morning, that glass on the porch would be her brains. She was gone the next day. Problem solved.
Sometimes, the law be damned. Find a couple of big, strong men and have him bodily thrown out of there. Oh, he's going to SUE you? That's rich. With what? Had the cops come after me for what I did, I would have sued the damn city. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is ever going to walk all over my family, and piss on the damn law. Sometimes you just have to take the law into your own hands. This man is a DANGER, and when it comes to that, I'm my own damn law, and the consequences be damned. Better me be in trouble than suffer fools like that another minute.
Sorry, I can be very aggressive if need be. That woman isn't the only one I've gotten off my mom's properties MY way. And I've never been sued, and never been in trouble. Had anyone EVER done this to my family, I would have physically kicked their ass. Or found someone to do it for me.
standingalone - there are times you have to stand on your own hind legs... I have resorted to a few independent "moves" myself though not to the degree you have. My children's father refused to return them to me one summer though I had custody. The police refused to do anything saying I had to go to court to get them back. I already had been to court for the divorce and had custody papers. So one evening when I knew he was at a ball game, I went to my exes place and told the kids they were coming with me. There was a scene, she (new wife) took the kids into a bedroom, I pushed open the door like it was paper though I was 7 months pregnant from my second hubby, and I took them with me. It went to court. They tried to say I hurt his wife - I never touched her. He was chastised and told never to do anything like that again, and the kids stayed with me. New hubby didn't get involved because they were already saying nasties about him and the kids. Had I waited for the "proper" process, who knows how long it would have taken. They would likely not have been returned to me for months if not longer, and would have been put in a different school, no friends etc. I wasn't going to allow that and would have taken then from the school grounds if necessary. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I had a roomer who didn't want to leave and owed me $100s due to phone bills. One day when she went out, I took her laptop as security. She threatened to call the cops and I said "Go ahead - call them". She backed right down and got cooperative. She had reason to not want the cops involved. People who behave like that often do.
special hugs and prayers or your dad , auntie and for you. Looks like the nightmare is coming to an end. Keep us updated.
Women can get away with "doing" violence more than men can, due to gender stereotypes. We aren't seen as dangerous. I have to say, though, that you really could end up in trouble if the person you "explained things" to wanted to stir things up.
I love the fantasy, though!
APS finally showed up and interviewed dad yesterday. They haven't spoken with me and they probably won't be able to find B. A moot point now that B's out though I would have liked to see him squirm.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts, ideas and support.
My stable manager, Ron, informed me one day that there were men in and out of that house, all day and night. He suspected that she was whoring in my mom's house. Greeeeaaaat! Beautiful. All I could do, month after month, was...simmer at this nasty whore was taking advantage of my family and there wasn't a damn thing I could do, because mom told me SHE would handle it. I saw how she 'handled' shit for years. OMG. Being a narcissist, to take advantage of my mom was easy as pie. My mom was a narcissist for one. Tell her what she wanted to hear, drown her in admiration and flattery, ooze sugary sweetness, tell her how wonderful, kind, lovely, beautiful she is, what a freaking SAINT, what an utterly selfless, warm and SWEET lady, and she'd sign you a check. And all I could do was watch.
The 'Deondra'(how ever you spell that sorry bitches name)managed to con, yeah, con, sweet talk, whatever, about 30? 40? 50?, grand. I don't really remember the exact amount, but it was staggering. I almost went into cardiac arrest when I found that out. Just thinking about it now, I can feel my blood pressure going up a little. I was floored, stunned, flabbergasted, shocked, incredulous, and pissed off as a mother.
My mom had a house to rent. Deondra comes over. I take one look, I hear her voice one time. I detest her on sight. She played my mom like a fine tuned instrument. Damn, she was good, too. She had my mom eating out of her hand in about 2 seconds flat.
Inside I was a pit pull on a really short chain, that was snarling and raging and choking and slavering and growling, and all I wanted was to tear that bitches throat out. She knew I hated her. I made no bones about it. She tried to be friendly to me, too....it didn't work. She understood, that I understood, that she was fucking my mom over. I dissed her to her face. (The way mom described her:) Oh, she was so sweet. Such a nice girl. So friendly. So kind of her to bring my mom those chocolates...and I just broiled. I told her flat out to leave a couple times. I was NOT NICE to her. And all I could do was...nothing....and she freaking knew it. She knew my mom's kind. She's a predator. She knows what to look for. And I couldn't do anything at all to stop it. It was one loser coming into our lives after another, at least that's how it seemed. She let people in the house that I scared me. And all I could do was...watch. Watch that happen. Over and over and over and over again. Deondra was the only one that managed to con her out of money, thank God. Or was she? I have no way of knowing, really.
She got conned, over and over again. She had some pimp wanna be over at her stable, boarding 4 horses, not paying rent. 5 years that freaking loser took advantage, and my mom let him do it. One day, he and I went at it. I didn't give a shit at that point. He was standing there, oozing over my mom, and I couldn't take that freaking shit one more minute. I called him a fucking loser to his face. I told him how freaking FUNNY I thought it was that this big, good looking guy, driving a sweet, brand new SUV AND TRUCK, had a wallet FULL of hundreds(he couldn't resist bragging about himself and he pulled out his wallet and showed me one day), fed and took care of 4 horses, bragged about the ladies, wore a fat gold chain that would have choked Mr. T, COULDN'T PAY HIS FUCKING RENT!? I told him his kind of shit worked with my mother, but not me, and I'd personally like to see him get his shit and GET OFF OUR LAND. I was so angry by that point I was shaking. My mom was sitting there with her mouth open, like I had grown horns and hooves. The dude looked like he had been bitch slapped. He stared at me like I was a freaking lunatic. He said, "Nobody talks to me that way..." And I told him flat out that I guess he didn't hear me then, and would he like a repeat. I would gladly have leaped into his face like a rabid animal. I might have gotten my ass beat if it came to that, but Lawd, the dragon was wide open. I wanted to hurt that bastard, and I would have gotten mine in, too, bet on that. He would have left my house bleeding. He just turned around and left. He still stayed awhile, but he never came over again, and he was gone a few months later, thank God. My mom never, ever forgave me for that. She thought I was a crazy, lousy shit to treat such a NICE guy that way.... I wanted to bang my head on the wall.
I've seen the real devils of this world, the predators, and they come in all shapes and sizes. I've come to loath them. I have no mercy for them. I will, and certainly am, capable of defending myself physically if I have to, to get you the hell away from me and mine. And I told this shit head that he best kill me, and that I'd tell the judge that it was all self defense. The world is full of these types. Christ, they're around every corner, everywhere. And that's not paranoia, that's reality. If I have something like that in my world, taking from my family, playing someone in my house, taking from ALL of us, taking ADVANTAGE, sooner or later, I will snap like a rotten twig.
I have threatened people with bodily harm. And? I'd threaten to blow their heads off if they gave me reason to. A couple of these idiots had records for theft and god knows what else... Do you think for one single second, in those moments, when I feel I'm defending me and mine against what I consider a high threat, that I'm going to worry about 911, the cops, or the law? No.
If I have evil in my world, if I have predators in my world, if I'm confronted with some of the real nasties, in my HOUSE, my LIFE....well, lets just say that I'm all for the right to own guns. I gladly would have killed some of these bastards and bitches. I've seen it and heard it all, every line of bullshit there is. I loath these types with a never ending, boiling passion. You've got good guys, you have bad guys. The bad guys don't get a lot of patience, compassion, kindness, mercy, or sympathy from me.
I can be really, really ugly. I don't want to be, but sometimes, to oust an undesirable from your world, it will get ugly. I hated being in that position and having to go there, and finding myself in those situations, with those people...but with my mom, there was no end to these types...
Just...ugh.... awful freaking memories... I don't trust most people. I've seen too many of the bad guys over the years.... that's about all the humanity I ever saw all those years in this cage.
Worry about being 'in trouble'...lol There's worse things in life than being in trouble with the law.