Any suggestions?
We, my wife and I, are responsible for the care of my aged (86) Aunt who lives at home. We live out of state and visit once a month. She suffers from dementia which seems to cycle in intensity from day to day.
We have, on my aunt's behalf, contracted to a local home care company for 24x7 care and my Aunt has been getting care for the last year. We have recently added PT (physical therapy) 2-3X per week and we are finding the we are getting increased resistance from my aunt to: getting up and going to the bathroom every 2 hours (dealing with incontinence), doing her breathing exercises (to increase her O2), PT, going on local trips (once or twice a week), and other daily activity (showering, playing games, etc.).
We have tried, encouragement, distractions, directness, subterfuge, having visitors, ... Just looking for other's experiences and helpful thoughts. It gets to be difficult for the caregivers when we are requesting they get my Aunt to do things and she resists or refuses - they then give up. This doesn't sit well with us but we also understand the challenge of doing a job when "the client refuses care".
Anyway, Thanks for any thoughts you may have,
Jim
Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist? Many of us here have found that antidepressants and/ or anti-anxiety meds make a huge difference in our loved ones' motivation.
I have noticed the same with my Dad [94]... he has physical therapy in the mornings and afterwards he's too tired to join in any afternoon activities where he lives, he rather sit in his recliner and watch local 24-hour news. I figure at his age he should be able to do what he wants... if he wants to watch TV, so be it.
I wonder if your Aunt would like to be around people of her own generation? Would she like to visit an adult day care? Or maybe consider moving into Assisted Living? That way she has her meals with other table mates. The boredom would be less.
Jim, you're doing all the right things. You have provided your aunt with very good care in the familiar environment of her own home. You have ensured that she has every opportunity to conserve her health and wellbeing. She is safe, she is well taken care of.
If she is becoming increasingly resistant to taking the opportunities that are in front of her, you should still offer them, encourage her, continue to explain the purpose, see the value of enriching her quality of life. But, as I see you clearly understand, while one can offer, encourage and enable, one cannot force.
After all, it is her benefit and enjoyment that you're doing these things for. If she doesn't want to, even if her lethargy is the result of dementia, then what's to be gained by trying to make her?
You and I, all we caregivers, can't help seeing it by our own standards: that if we did nothing all day but sit and sit - not even sit and think! - we'd be so bored and frustrated it would be torture. But when you're 86 and you have well-developed dementia, then a comfy chair, nice food and kind people are your version of 'a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou beside me in the wilderness...'
In short, her wants are simple and you are meeting them *beautifully.*
You and your wife are heros for looking out for your aunt
As long as she is accepting of caregivers in her home - isn't suffering other ills from falls UTIs etc don't sweat the small stuff
My mom will still willingly brush her teeth and wash her hands and face but it's a battle to put her in the shower and wash her hair so if it only happens once a week I'm grateful
The above posters have been on this journey a long time and although my mom's dementia didn't really become a nightmare until about 2 years ago I've been her caregiver for nearly 9 years after she had some serious falls - Medicare only covers so much PT and she's used up her sessions even though she's had 4 serious falls since New Years - disappointing since it took a switch of home Hal agencies to find the right pt to even work with her since she's a feisty one
Good luck
I think I might explore from a specialist the types of things that she would still be able to benefit from, taking her dementia into consideration. This may ensure that your expectations for someone of her age and condition are reasonable. Some people who are 86 years old and have no dementia, still prefer to just rest and not engage in activities, therapy, etc. They are just tired and not interested. I can understand it.