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I'll be going there she lives in another state, we weren't that close emotionally

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I think you should take your cues from her. I mean, maybe she'll want to talk about her illness, maybe she'll need to talk about the end of life decisions, who knows? Maybe she'll want to mend fences, build bridges, or maybe she'll not want to talk about cancer and just need to talk. I guess you'll have to wait and see. Everyone is different.
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alohakind,

Check this article out. It might help you cope with this time in both of your lives.

Words of Comfort: What to Say When Someone is Dying
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/say-to-someone-who-is-dying-148641.htm

Best of Luck!
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Nancy H thank you for yr ideas, I think they r good ones! Well we lived near each other for about 7 yrs & we DID do some things together, ie go to
lunch & such..., so I guess I shouldn't feel so quilty about things, I know this happens in alot of Dysfunctional families, but me going there on an 8 hr drive to see her should speak volumes to her, its the right thing to do again thanks!
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