hadenough Asked October 2012
My Mother has no interests anymore. She was always such a vibrant, social person and now does not want to do anything. Do we have to lose all interest in life as we age?
Follow
Share
It is not like she is depressed - just disinterested. It is difficult dealing with her increasingly smaller world. My Mother, who used to be so interesting, has become a total boor. Self-obsessed and self interested. So of course it gets very tiring to be around. Where are all the wise, elderly people? Mostly I see spoiled toddlers in eighty year old bodies. Sorry if thats sounds harsh but my Mother listens in on my phone calls, screens my phone calls, walks in on me whenever she feels like it. She has no boundaries. It reminds me of when my children were toddlers except that it is far less charming and way more irritating Mostly harmless stuff but still...... Do we have to lose all interest in life as we age?.
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
37 Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Popular Questions
Ask a Question
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Has your mother always had poor boundaries or is this something new?
cscstle & Mstone55 for your thoughtful answers. Sometimes others in the community do not realize that we have been to the doctor, gotten the antidepressants, jumped through the proper hoops and it does not really matter. Cannot force my Mother to take antidepressants when she insists "They don't do anything." What she means is they do not make her young anymore. She is 89 but we are not allowed to say anything about her age or the fact that she is old. She is so vain and self centered. I love my Mom very much but these are the facts and this site is where I come to for venting and maybe some possible solutions. The reality is that there is no solution for aging. We get old and die, always has been that way and always will be. I just really want to learn from this experience so I will not put my children what I am going through right now. Would give you all hugs but haven't figured out how to do that yet! Prayers for all.
I am one of those nurses that think anything can be fixed. That idea is not always a good idea, but keeps things more positive. So, with the hearing aids: I took my Mother to the hearing people & finally got her a pair of hearing aids that seem to work, as good as it is going to get, for her. I kept thinking, if she could hear better @ least she wouldn't be so detached when there were lots of people around, that she could stay engaged. But to accomplish this, it has taken a lot of me. When she has pain, I search for a way to free her of her pain. When she is blah, I try to engage her in an activity. I also get her up after she has slept 12 hours; sometimes she will dose off in her chair after breakfast & sometimes I let her & sometimes I do not. She needs to be drinking more water & other liquid. She doesn’t have time to sleep! I keep thinking I will encourage her initiative, but generally it does not, but sometimes... She likes to sew & was a professional seamstress at one time, so I keep a fleece around for her to work on and sometimes some mending. She does a beautiful job of mending. But all of this takes a part of me also & then with the repetitive conversation. Yikes!
Oh, another thing she does a wonderful job of is washing the dishes. She does not do a hurried job. She also likes to iron but she’s a perfectionist & her back will start hurting. She says these jobs warm her up. She complains of being cold all the time. It works better if I help her dress in the AM & be sure to get under’s, long sleeved tops & warm socks on her. It is a 24-7 job minus her sleeping time. She does sleep well.
I am very thankful that I have a Mom who is sweet, thoughtful, kind, non-complaining for the most part, and easy to work with. I am sorry that some have parents who are so disagreeable; I know how hard that must be. I wouldn’t want to be in your place.
Your question: Do we have to lose all interest in life as we age?. I would say, not necessarily, but it seems we don’t always really have a choice. One of my comments to my daughter is that I pray I can age so gracefully as my Mother and then I tell her I am a first born, & an organizer & that she probably should just put me in a home so I can help take care of all those others who are needing so much. ;)
Maybe I written too much. I always pray that something I say will be of help to some one, even though I am just venting also.
It's great that you can talk to your mom and jog her memory, but eventually even that little piece of your mom may disappear. My mom stares straight ahead into space. Most of her comments are only one or two words, she rarely speaks in sentences any more. Some days I'm pretty sure she has no idea that I am her daughter, or that she even has a daughter, or what a daughter even is. Today she told me she didn't even know who she was and didn't know her own name. So when people are saying they are caring for a shell of a person, that their mother has "left the building", they don't want to hear Pollyanna statements about staying light and happy. Sometimes it is a struggle just to make it though the day.
In my mom's case, she is insecure (guess never noticed this when I grew up) and my father was her world. He died and she kinda of rose to her "independence" for about 18 mo then slipped. She was around new friends but when they "judged" or made comments about the way she dressed or talked to certain people; her fragile ego couldn't take it and she withdrew completely from the group. This was the downhill fall to not venturing out anymore for new friends, new places, etc.
I guess best advice is try to take your mom to senior center or go with her on a senior outing and slowly introduce her to others in her age group. Maybe initiate a tea or luncheon with other senior friends at your house and slowly encourage her if she is open to it to develop new interest or friends to talk to and be with.
Hopefully this will ease your craziness. PS -- I see many active seniors who continue to do for others, volunteer working sometimes 40 hrs per week to stay active and busy and have full active schedules; my mom isn't one of them -- but I sure hope to be as I get older!
Anyway, who remembers being changed, toilet trained or trained to learn to eat with a spoon or when they first learn to ride a bicycle. I know that I don't.
It's good that you evidently have a good relationship with your adult children and always have, but several people here never did and likely will not in the future.
Also, often the health needs of a parent are far more than one person can tend to and at that point a nursing home or memory care unit is needed.
The other understandable resentment that I read here is when siblings do nothing to help with the care of their elderly parent, but leave it up to one person, usually the daughter to do.
See All Answers