Is it advisable to tell the senior who I am caring for about the new boundaries I am setting? I have been burning out by the constant need from downstairs. Always a question, statement, critic, " you eat that?" " what you need to do is.." I adore my senior relative, however she is alone, and has no one to talk too, by choice...any suggestions about setting boundaries and living with them?
My MIL will be coming home soon to my husband and I caring for her. She is mean and hateful and orchestrates bad feelings between people in her family. My husband and I don't allow that nonsense in our lives so he and I spoke with her and stated clearly what she can expect from us and what we expect and will require from her: including things like she isn't allowed to raise her voice or be disrespectful to us. We will provide her loving care, room, board, transportation and nutrition- all based 100% on what is required by her Dr, not what she requires us to do. If she knowingly breaks any rules she will have 30 days to contact her other children and make other arrangements and this is in writing and witnessed. We love her but will not sacrifice ourselves ever again because we fall for her "poor Janet game". The key is you must be prepared to call their bluffs and follow through. She said "I'll sign it but if you ever enforce it I'll call APS on you" to which we said we would post their phone number on the fridge next to the rules list. And if she feels we are not fulfilling our promises she is free to go.
I know this may sound rash, but I think that when things are laid out clearly there is no room for assumption or "I didn't know" to come into play. Just like dealing with a toddler, clear rules that are consistent work the best. Best of Luck to you.