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My moms bladder keep coming out. She has moderate dementia, and UTI's are coming on more frequent. This started 3 years ago, and we didn't do anything because I thought surgery would fry more brain cells. But my mom is a tough little(108)lbs bird. I don't know if it's worth it to put her through this.

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My mom is 10 years older than yours, and I think that living with the complications of a prolapsed bladder for 10 years would have greatly decreased her quality of life, but it really depends on your mom's comorbidities, her stage of dementia, her family history of longevity, and how complex the actual surgery and recovery period.
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By the time I get her to doctors office, she is already worked up and won't let anyone near her let alone get up on a table for examination. Last time I took her to female urologist she was gonna take a "pancake paddle to my rearend" when we got home, and told me to get up on that table. Nurse was crying when we left. It made her think of her grandfather.
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If this is deemed a necessary surgery the health care team should be able to ensure it can be done despite her dementia. She needs a gerontologist or geriatric psychiatrist who can better understand how to help her through this, perhaps with medication to reduce her anxiety or even sedation.
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My Mom is 97 years old and in May had a laparotomy done to cure adhesions. 18 staples and 1 week later, the staples came out, healed and she is fine. But she is a tough bird. It was an easy call; either do the surgery or have her go to the ER every 3-4 weeks to have her stomach drained via a naso-gastric tube.
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my dh had a new heart valve placed when he was 93 and he's still going and will be 96 in September.

don't put off that surgery any longer. the UTI's can kill her faster than the surgery.
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My mom had hip replacement at 89, in her mind doctors wouldn't do it after 90. She needed extra care in hospital because they pumped her with laxatives to get her out more quickly causing dehydration which was scary. Other than that, she came through flying, she now walks a quarter mile with her AL friends. We were worried about worsening dementia, but she has slowly come back. She is on mild antidepressant relieved anxiety - wish she had started this 5-10 years ago. She has a new life. You can only make your best educated decision and go with it with her agreement. Best of luck.
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Ask the Doctor for medication to give her about 30 minutes before the appointment to relax her so she can be fully examined. This will make getting her there and getting her home a bit more difficult and possibly risky due to a greater chance of a fall. Although it sometimes takes more than 30 minutes for the Dr to walk into the exam room so if the medication is given to her in the car the trip to the Dr should not be a problem.
Just know that the Dementia and anesthesia do not go well together and she may never "come back" to the point she is now. There will be a decline and that is to be expected. How much of one and for how long is the question.
I made the decision with/for my Husband not to have dental work done. Not just due to the anesthesia but dealing with the open wounds in the mouth later would have been a problem.
So this is sort of your call.
How will she recover?
How will she do with recovery?
How will she do with any pain?
Will she be compliant with any after instructions?Is she living with you?...If so how will you do with all this?
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My dad had surgery at 87 for an obstructed colon - drs said he would die a terrible death if he didn't have surgery. He was quite frail, was recovering from pneumonia and the loss of my mother just 2 months earlier. The obstruction was cancer. He lived another 15 months, but was mostly bedridden and depressed. He qualified for hospice care after rehab - they were wonderful. Essentially, he was between a rock & a hard place when he chose the surgery. He thought he'd recover quickly as he'd done when he was younger. It's a hard call. He did not have dementia - however, my mother did. When she had a massive hemorrhagic stroke at age 87, she lost consciousness. Doctor told us they could treat her aggressively or just keep her comfortable. We knew her wishes and chose the latter. She died 8 days later. With dementia, some folks hope for something else to take our loved ones before dementia runs its full course. We felt that way about our mother.
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my mom had a hysterectomy at 90. And the surgeon was so pessimistic, I thought Mom would not be coming home. But it is going on a year later and she has check ups every 3 to 4 months. They say it takes a while to get out of the anesthesia, and it did. Mom was mentally wackier for a few months, and wore Depends, but now is back to regular underwear, and she is not as mentally impaired, but has become more so but I think that is just her.
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I completely agree with cwillie. A prolapsed bladder is nothing to mess around with. There are hygiene issues and health issues as well. Modern surgical techniques should not "fry brain cells". If she is becoming prone to bladder infections, this adds to the mix. My own mom was also a "tough little bird" and when she had a bladder infection, she became physically combative with everyone. They put her waaaay out of her mind. You're letting mom run the show. I'm not saying tie her to the table and force her to have the surgery. If she is in a facility, rely in them for help. Sometimes these "tough little birds" become sweet little doves with people they don't really know.
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While surgery itself does not "fry brain cells", after effects of anesthesia can alter cognition to some degree. Weigh the benefits of the surgery to the risks. In most cases, the surgery should be a good choice. However, that depends upon her general state of health. Is she a good surgical candidate?
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Ask about her getting a spinal block & mild sedative - this what I had when I had a double knee replacement - much better as this time I didn't get sick to my stomach - hopefully this should give much less stress on her brain - at least if you ask about this the drs will know you are checking out options for her - good luck
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Good Moecam.
And a second opinion, exploring non-surgical oprions such as a pessary.She will need medication if a spinal block is used.
Allow the doctors to come up with creative ways and alternative treatments.
A surgeon will perform surgery. Try a gynecologist.
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Thank you all. Moms in her own home with 24/7 care. Since 2014 she has broken each hip, and right femur. Recovered from all. Uses walker, and goes everywhere. Dementia has gotten worse. Uriologist mentioned peccesary ring, but we knew she would not take care (clean) it herself. We are going back in 5 weeks to primary doctor and bring this up for discussion again. We are also going to try a dementia medicine to see if it can clear a pathway in the brain.
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This question should be directed to her doctor.
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Cwillie: Mom has dementia and the prolapsed bladder. To top it off she can't hear. It's a fight to get her to bath or even shower. She uses depends.
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MY mother had a prolapsed RECTUM! I never looked, but the paid caregivers were freaked out and kept calling me till I explained. Also, it was bloody. She wore a Depends all the time. I lost count of how many times we hauled her to the proctologist, who NEVER SAW IT - apparently it went in and out. On the last trip, ta-da, it presented itself for his edification. He said she 'could' have surgery (at 83) but it wasn't anything 'serious' and she could have a bad reaction to anesthesia, so it was up to us. So, we left it as it was...then she fell and broke a hip in the nursing home. Just got up out of bed one night and started walking down the hall, went right down. They did recommend surgery (not too invasive, just enough to put a 'pin' in) and that was done, and she was in the hospital 3 days, back to the nursing home, and got rehabilitation exercises. This was when she was 86. They said sometimes if they were VERY old, they let them heal without surgery from broken bones because it would be worse for them to undergo an operation. But at my mother's age, she was still on the 'young side' and it would be easier for her to stand to get dressed, put on the commode, get into the car instead of being a dead weight that would have to be carried everywhere. That is my experience. (she had had four operations in her late 70-early 80's - thyroid, carotid artery, hysterectomy, knee surgery, but she seemed to do fine after those, anesthesia or not.)
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What did her doctor recommend?

I would think if you can make her more comfortable now - do it. She only is going to get worse. She may be able to tolerate the procedure now before her dementia worsens. It's very common for a person's dementia to worsen during a illness.

My mom has bladder cancer. She had a tumor removed in April, but the cancer was muscle invasive - so it spread. Removing the tumor made her more comfortable, but her urologist and primary doctor agreed not to treat the cancer. Her whole bladder would have to be removed and she would have to wear a colostomy bag. That would not be feasible for a 92 year old with alzheimers.

Also what are the consequences if you don't treat it?
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I got the name of a doctor that helped a friend of mine. It's worth the call because she said my moms tissue might not be good. I now feel that I have to arm my mom with the best body she can have. What if I have to place her in a year, that will be one less issue for her.
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Thank you for different views. I will post on this as it progresses.
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Ok. Up to date. Took mom to urologist. Of course her bladder wasn't hanging out, but you could see it and when she coughed she peed. With that said if she was his grandma he wouldn't touch her. He did however prescribe a low dose antibiotic for the month. She seems to be doing okay. But I do notice changes in her.
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There's your answer!
If the doc wouldn't "touch her", then it's not a good idea.
My mom (94 yrs. Stage 6 Alz) fell and broke her wrist. Doctor wanted to do surgery, general anasthesia, reduction of bone and realignment.
Lots of post-op pain and difficulty coming back from anasthesia. All this to get another 15% movement. Forget it. Wasn't worth it. She had a cast for 2 months and it's healed.

Just for the record, old folks don't fall and break a hip, their hip breaks and they fall. Osteoporosis is a bad thing, makes bones into sponges....just about hollow.
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My mom is 97 yrs old and had a laparotomy to cure adhesions. These caused her to go to the ER every 2 weeks to have stomach cleared After the 2nd occurrence we thought it better to chance the surgery rather have this happen every 2 weeks. My mom also was a tough lil bird //about 80-95 lbs//. But after surgery and 18 stitchs she is better than ever; even an increased appetite!
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Ladies thank you for all your feedback. I hope we all can handle this stuff for ourselves when we get older.🌻
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