My mom is 81 with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Dad is 85 with Alzheimer’s. My 55 year old sister lives with them in ND & works nights. I live 250 miles away in MN.
I feel guilt EVERYDAY that I am not there to help them all. My sister does SO much to help, but she has health problems as well. Does anyone know if I can move to their area & become a paid caregiver for my parents/Dad (through the state or VA - Dad is a Vet)? I am currently a Home Health Aide for the elderly where I live in MN. I would still have to live in MN (which is just across the River from where they live in ND) due to needing to keep Health Insurance benefits in MN. What do I do? Any helpful information is greatly appreciated.
I should also add that I have 2 boys (19 & 17) that live with their Dad. I still do MOST things for/with them, as Dad works a lot…appointments, etc.
Does your sister feel it's necessary for you to relocate to help with your parents? I'd see what her thoughts are on the matter before you allow guilt to drive you to make a move which may be unnecessary. I don't know if you can get paid to be a caregiver; someone else would have to address that aspect of your question; I just wanted to mention the VA Aid & Attendance benefits which your dad may be eligible to receive; contact the VA office in his area to find out.
Good luck!
Dad was not active during wartime. My sister doesn’t SAY she wants me to move back, but she complains about how much work she does & how worn out she is.
I really don’t know what to do!
Dear Heroschild, please ask yourself why you feel the need to go save them all?
Are there other ways? Eg help them reassess their set-up?What care they really need. Help them plan for their future.
If you ride in on your white horse, you will BE their plan.
What can feel useful, dutiful, loving (even heroic) to start can quickly leave you the Lone Ranger holding the fort - & into resentment & regret.
Take care before you jump on that horse!
Is your sister bankrupting herself to care for them?
Have them apply for Medicaid, either to get long term care or in-home aides.
My parents had four children. My Dad worked a Blue Collared job and Mom was a homemaker. They lived from pay to pay. Just as the last one was out of college, my Dad had to take disability retirement for his heart. So now my parents are living on SSD in their 50s. Mom caring for Dad. They never had enough money to put aside for their care. Dad died at 79. Now Mom gets only his SS and 40% of his pension. She lived on 1700 a month. Her property taxes alone were 6k a year.
My point is that if parents are planning to rely upon their kids for elder care, the kids need to be told that this is expected of them.
It's the lack of planning that irks me.