My sister had my mother move in with her and sold her house for $500k. She used this money to purchase a condo that is used by her son. In addition my mother used her IRA monies to pay off the debt of her grandson.
My mother fell and now needs to be in an assisted living home. My sister says she can no longer care for my mother at her home. She is now pressuring my mother to ask me to pay for 1/2 of her care.
When anyone confronts my sister, she becomes argumentative and combative.
I have supported my mother for the past 20 years, providing all financial needs without any help from my sister. The assets my mother had and gave my sister were to provide monies needed for my mother's care in later life.
If it really is a burden on you, just simply say, I am sorry, I cannot help out at this time. "
Not sure where you are, but does she have life insurance, retirement account, social security, etc? Sis how much does she get monthly?
Perhaps you can help her find a place for mom, ? And do ask what mom's budget is right now. Take into consideration, diapers, ensure, shampoo, snacks, deodorant, taxi cab rides to and from facility.
A nice gesture to get the grandson off to a good start in life.
her future care and how it would affect the rest of the family
My dad never thought he’d get sick .
Had nothing but his monthly income
I couldn’t afford care since I have my own family and my own debts. He needed full time care so he used first Medicare and then we applied for Medicaid.
You shouldn’t be responsible since you have the rest of your life to deal with.and may need that money for you and your younger family.
Best to you
Our Forum serves a purpose: discussions before actions. Some misunderstanding?? Then there is no point in your discussing any further. Thank you for your trying and with best regards.
Patathome01
I've already discussed my point of view a few times, I don't know how else to restate it. I agree sister should do what's right and sell the condo to help fund mom's care. I just don't think she can be forced to. Hence maybe it would be better if OP and her sister can work together to some kind of agreement. Many of you disagree. That's fine. I just think you are reacting on emotion and not considering what could or could not be enforced by law. It would be good if a lawyer chimed in on this thread.
Please carefully follow what our readers have advised. Sounds like some potential fraud to me unless the Grandson's condo is sold to give back cash to Mom to pay for her required care. Withholding Mom's money constitutes a fraud.
I agree, sell the condo. Sorry grandchild, time to go.
How is this even a question?
But kiss that money goodbye. WHen I read posts like this I thank God I never had children because they are the ones who can cut your throat.
The condo should be sold to pay for her care...as the grandson can find his own place to live. Also, whatever money your sister used to dig herself out of debt should be paid back as well. It was not your mother's responsibility to dig your sister out of debt.
If you assist in paying...you are only helping your sister.
At the same time, I am wondering why your mother made this decision if your sister had a history of financial irresponsibility or was that something she hid and your mother wasn't aware of. All in all, your sister and her son should be ashamed of themselves and do what is right.
To answer your question, no you should not pay for half of your moms care unless you are very wealthy and can afford it. Is your sister paying the other half?
You stated that you have been supporting your mom for the past 20 years. In what way? I thought she was living with your sister.
There are so many unknowns in this question.
I wonder how long ago did she give your sister the money and pay off her grandsons debts? How long has she been living with your sister? Were you supporting your mom while she lived with her sister? Or did she just move in fairly recently.
i can’t help but wonder if your sister just found out from a social worker that she will have to pay now due to Medicaid laws, bad decisions and greed on her part. There is a look back and if the gifting or transfer of assets weren’t done the right way then the court will look at it in a very unforgiving manner. Hold your ground and get an elder law attorney and APS involved. Word of warning, I have seen the guilty family member that is living with the senior file APS Complaint and try to isolate the mother from the family member claiming they are creating “ stress” and “abusing” the senior. That might be good reason to not hesitate in you filing the complaint.
Easy peasy. The IRA $$$ is lost, unfortunately, but the condo is still an asset that can be sold off, thankfully.
Say no to your sister and advise her about how to get mother's money BACK to use for her care now that she's in need. If she becomes argumentative and combative with you, advise her that you will be sending an Elder Care attorney over to speak with her about the fraud she's committed with regard to how she's misused her mother's money.
GOOD LUCK!!!
As for your sister, if your mother had it in writing that those assets were to be used for her care later in life and she spent them I would call the authorities and have her charged with fraud.
I have seen it far too often where the good child is crapped on by the parents while the negligent ones are worshiped. I go through it with my family as well.