I posted before about my grandfather being confused and delusional, and being afraid of seeing a doctor. His son (my uncle) has a violent past, alcoholism, drug abuse, and is a physically intimidating man. He threatens to kill himself if my grandfather doesn't give him money. He calls him "worthless" and screams at him so loudly that the neighbours several houses down have heard him.
He lives with my grandparents, so I'm scared if I report it that he might hurt them. I'm also scared if he knows I reported him, he'll hurt me. I live in Canada and the laws aren't very helpful here. If he was in the act of physically hurting someone and was caught they could charge him with something, otherwise they would likely show up, tell him someone reported him, then leave. I don't know what to do. I want to help my grandfather but me, his other children, and his siblings are all scared of his son.
If he doesn't live with your grandfather, and depending on the legal authority in Canada for you to act on behalf of him, you could ask the police about getting a PPO for both you and your grandfather against the uncle.
I would also contact the neighbors and mention your concern, and ask that they contact the police when the uncle comes over and threatens.
He isn't going to kill himself if he doesn't get money; it's intimidation and fear mongering.
This is a family dynamic that started a long time ago. VERY long time ago. Unfortunately, the chicken they created has come home to roost. It strikes me as fair warning to anyone who considers allowing any offspring on the order of this individual back into their homes. Remember the adage: no good deed goes unpunished. Do NOT let felons, drug addicts, mental cases, etc back into your house.
Sometimes, there is nothing anyone can do as most of the law seems to be on the side of bas***ds. When the inevitable happens, all the law does is wring its hands and simp about 'more laws are needed'.
That's just the way it is - everyone has different leanings when it comes to punishment.
Then there are the state governors and the parole boards who want to release selected prisoners because of prison overcrowding. So nonviolent offenders are frequently the beneficiaries of this financial constraint.
As to the "law", look to those who make it and interpret it. Law enforcement and parole officers are the parties who have to enforce something created by others, who may never have any contact with criminals other than to think about them when it's time to address lawmaking.
And then think about the riots which occur when racial issues become involved. That's when politics affect justice.
I'm not challenging you, just trying to offer some support for those on the side of justice. We've had our share of experiences with criminals (both of us have had our houses burglarized, credit card information stolen, and more). I can only hope that if my house is burglarized again, it's when I'm home and I can use the self protection statutes to blow the perpetrators to smithereens.
But you are right; the family dynamics are long standing and probably aren't going to change; the uncle has gotten away with his threatening tactics for years. It's worked, so why would he change?
However, the more I read here, the more I think of book I have read "Toxic Parents", 'Toxic in-laws'. The caregivers here dealing with obnoxious or even evil siblings, parents, relatives are living examples of these books. Unfortunately they cannot seem to realize they NEVER will get anything from these other individuals. They HAVE to pursue happiness and help elsewhere, the 'family' they are so desperately trying to obtain is an illusion. And even where they realize this, and do ignore these malevolent relatives and do the right thing, there will probably never be a happy outcome.
Personally, I walked out on my mom when she waxed so toxic as it was affecting my own mental health. I am taking care of her now and, in my case, the toxic features seem to have mellowed out and almost vanished. (I think she knows deep down if she behaves the same way I'll leave again..and that scares her more than the need to behave badly..plus I have confronted her nose to nose when she does and NOW she backs down and off...).
As to the subject of nannycams, since dear old uncle is in the house and Kelsey is not, I am not sure how easy it would be to install one or even leave it around. Also, may not even be admissible in a court. Sometimes all one can do is wait for the inevitable tragedy. All they are left is 'I told you so..'.
Thanks you for your input Artist.. :)
I just thought of my own experiences and how the law can help or not help, depending on how it's carried out - there is in fact latitude in the criminal justice system.
I also was thinking about events here in Michigan, including the issue I mentioned of releasing so-called "nonviolent" prisoners. Then I think of all the money wasted by politicians on junkets and pork-barrel projects while some are thinking of ways to cut funds from other legitimate projects, and my blood starts to boil.
If you've ever read federal legislation or regs, you may find strange requirements that aren't essential to the intent and purpose but suggest highly of personal (read "political") interests. Yet finding funds for legitimate projects can be such a challenge (read the Medicare EOBs you get and see how much reimbursement has been affected by the Sequester).
Hope I didn't offend you on the original tangential issue; it wasn't my intention. It was in part a reaction to recent events and how political they have become to the point that law enforcement was, I felt, constrained in carrying out its responsibilities.
Your second paragraph is very insightful; I've seen the same thing. Notwithstanding elder care and responsibility issue for an elder, family dynamics can be such that siblings, parents and relatives sometimes just don't get along. Factoring in care for an elder complicates the equation.
It's hard to step back and assess what are the givens in any family, what are the variables, and how/if they can be changed. From what I've read here, many of the family issues are "givens" and aren't going to be changed, so the next step is how to address those and minimize the angst.
It's not easy to get past the hostility, insults and hurts to do that though. JMHO.
It was what cured me, even at that early age, of illusions about family.
definitely not easy to get past hostility, insults, hurts.