Mom has landed herself back in the hospital again with a UTI and likely sepsis. I am predicting a three day stay, which will lead to a 30 day stay in a rehab facility. They will most likely ask me where I would like Mom to go.
My choices are:
1) A facility about 5-10 minutes from my house. The care is adequate, but not spectacular. The décor is dreary, but the place is clean, food is horrible, really horrible, but mom doesn't eat anyway. Mom won't participate in any activities anyway, but the offerings are lame.
2) A facility 30-35 minutes away. I have not seen it, but I have heard good things.
On a website that rates rehab facilities and nursing homes, #1 has a 78% rating and #2 has a 90% rating.
If Mom goes to facility #1 I will visit her 5-6 days a week, usually short visits, but I have been known to stay longer or visit more than once a day. My kids will visit some.
If Mom goes to Facility #2, I will only visit her once, maybe twice a week because I have a 12 and 14 year old, work full-time and part-time as a Disney Travel Agent, hold a position on the HOA board and have a husband who travels a lot.
Either way, I will keep Carol, one of her caregivers, on the schedule for a few hours a day. Carol lives minutes from falicity #2.
So, would you put your mother in a lesser place but with more company or a better place with little company? As of right now, it would be for 30-40 days but I won't rule out that it could become permanent.
Many threads like this go on here on AC for years after the OP posted the question. I'm not trying to police the thread as much as I'm feeling sympathy for a member who lost their mother yesterday. ♡
Sorry for the loss of your Mom.
Feeling sad.
At the same time, you got your life returned to you.
You are a gracious person, deserving of all that is good.
Good for you for the escort of your Mom to the end.
HOW OLD ARE YOU? - I don't ask this out of hand rather I know as someone about to be 68 & taking care of both mom & dad in separate facilities [they have the same name & chance of med files mix up is nil when they are apart] - if you are 35/45/55/65/ those answers are different as this makes a whale of a difference
I can't wait to have them closer - dad now 16 minutes not 3 1/2 hours has helped me so much however I am now doing more for him as he needs this but the percentage of time in travel has gone down so much - now I see him twice a week instead of once a month but actual time is slightly less - you have to weigh the pros & cons on YOUR OWN CIRCUMSTANCE - no other person wears your shoes - hope this helps - hugs to you from me
I'd get 24 hour care. You need a corner of your life back. Take all the help from hospice that is offered. And at work - it's a lot easier to deal with "mom's on hospice" than a person who has an aging parent for whom there could be 10 more years!
You will get through this well.
Your care and support of your mom are amazing and I hope you can get things lined up without too much hassle
Let us know how her move home goes as we learn from each other
Now that the decision is made - will antibiotics be stopped and will the hospital discharge immediately?
You must be so tired
Non filing for FMLA because I have no intention of burning my leave or taking leave without pay to care for her myself just so that my brothers can inherit more. Bitter? Yes. Of course, the doctor won't make any specific predictions and he cushions everything with "she could improve" but he is thinking weeks.
Hospice does not cover 24 hour care in home. Your Mom will pay out of pocket. Hospice provides durable med equip and meds at no cost to you. No more doc payment. The hospice med folks see her no copay. Hospice will come to your home. Her supplemental may cover part of caregivers but I'm not sure of her policy. Call and ask. If hospice offers help with anything say yes. Any help like volunteer sitter yes! Mattress yes! Anti anxiety yes! If there is a chaplain or social worker yes! Any materials for teens on transition yes! File for FMLA now. Take a breath and know we are all holding you in our arms as you take the steps. Your mom trusted you in this. You can do it.
They have explained to her several times that she is likely not to improve and they can just make her comfortable if she chooses and she can even go home and receive palliative or hospice care. She just can't bring herself to commit.
Ali,
I am guessing that your dad wanted to get better and still had some fight in him. My mother does not seem to have any fight left in her and hasn't wanted to do anything necessary for survival for quite a while.
I'm so sorry
This agonizing for you both
Prayers to you
She is not in a vent yet.
She's not talking to me at all. She is lying here with her eyes closed and won't speak until I try to leave and then she asks me to stay
They think they have the urinary infection under control and they don't seem to be concerned about sepsis. Part of the antibiotics were to stave off aspiration pneumonia. The precipitating event was her vomiting and then me not liking how wet her breath sounded. Her oxygen was in the 70's in the ER. They believe that she aspirated into her lungs. They have ruled out a stroke and clot in her lungs and they have her on high oxygen.
Mom vacillates between asking the doctors to continue testing and treatment to saying that she wants to go home despite being informed that going home would mean going home to die.
So sorry to hear the antibiotics are not clearing the infection - this is sepsis from the UTI?
Does the hospital have an infectious disease specialist overseeing the treatment?
Prayers for you and mom
There is a lot of discussion about the possibility of a ventilator and an lot of "we are not sure what is going on but we have suspicions". They have thrown antibiotic after antibiotic at her with no improvement.
And to be honest, I needed and enjoyed a bit of a break from caregiving. I think #2 was the best choice for both of us!
You've got Carol!
I agree with MsMadge and PhoenixDaughter, go for the best care.
Everybody likes Carol best anyway!