Mom is in assisted living and has been diagnosed with moderate Alzheimer's. We are her only family in the state and we generally visit her 3-4 times per week. As caregivers, we both need some "us time" to recharge. However, we do feel guilty about leaving. Our daughter will be able to look in on Mom when we are gone. Any feedback is much appreciated.
Is she able to use a calendar to keep track of days of the week, the activities in her residence, TV Schedules?
When you visit, does she speak things that occurred during your last visit, or have occurred SINCE your last visit?
My LO has almost NO functional short term memory. The passage of hours/days/weeks, mean nothing to her, as far as we can determine. She comfortably spends time in the present, but her present and distant past are all that she has available to her.
I am fairly confident that if we were to go away, she would be unaware of the difference when we returned.
If your mother is in a similar situation, I’d wait until your last visit before your departure before telling her.
If she has recollection of the passage of current time, I’d buy a large calendar and indicate departure, destinations, and events, and post it in a conspicuous place in her room. Perhaps also mention to her caregivers to introduce conversations about your travels during the time you’re away.
ENJOY YOUR TRIP!!!!!
Don't tell until you're practically on the way. If you lay out an itinerary with dates, she could follow along. A phone call or two to her during the time away would probably help.
we did that too. It really does depend on the elder. My mom didn’t have dementia but she was very anxious about any trip she had to take so we told her the absolute last minute. But she loved to hear about others travel so I think it depends on the senior.
Yes, I would rather be there, but I also need to be with my husband. Will I enjoy the trip? Who knows.
Thats a very practical package you left. I hope you have someone to call for YOUR piece of mind so that you can enjoy the trip.
You'll send post cards or something will you? They'll be helpful to the staff when it comes to explaining, as well as nice for your mother to get. I used to send chatty emails to mother, via the facility's office, when she was in respite care; but as your mother is a permanent resident here and not holding her breath until it's time to go home again I shouldn't think that would be necessary for you.
And then go, and have a wonderful time, and come back firing on all cylinders. Bon voyage!
Go and have a great time. She will be safe.
If she knows that you visit Monday, Wednesday and Friday and she will miss your visit then yes tell her.
If she does not know when you visit, the day and how many days there are between your visits then I would not tell her.
In the first scenario she would be aware of your absence in the second she would not.
As others have said make sure the facility is aware you are going to be away.
I would also leave your daughter's information in case of emergency. Give your Daughter authority to make decisions. I only suggest this because in an emergency they will want the ability to do begin treatment right away and if you are 10 hours away to wait for a physical authorization might be longer than they want. If your daughter can authorize treatment in your absence that would be a time saver. Obviously they and she would consult you in such matters.
And if your MIL has a DNR or POLST make sure your daughter has a copy as well as the facility.
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