I have a sibling living with aging parent who still drives and fully independent still although he is 97 and a potential fall risk (but still walks everywhere usually without a cane or walker. Should sibling be paid $1500 on top of free room/board? I feel strongly they could be working even full-time, but they continue to not work and be paid to clean house, make dinner and go to maybe 1-2 doctor’s visits per month. This is causing strife in our family and my dad is being manipulated I feel. I try to stay out of it but it does bother me especially when I come to visit. My dad never got a choice in this and now I am accused of not showing appreciation and not helping. The amount of compensation comes to over $70k when you factor in all things - for doing no real “cargiver” duties (no help with bathroom, dressing, lifting, etc.)
And that this is honestly not your concern.
And that this is CHEAP. Let me explain a bit.
To start with this is a question in the hands of this capable parent. Because they have no dementia. And they are willing and apparently able to pay.
I hope the sibling and the parent have gone to an Elder Law Attorney and made a contract.
I am 82 and here is my reasoning on all of this.
Let me preface I would not care to live with a child. BUT...................
1. At a certain point we are no longer safe at home alone because of fall risks.
2. At a certain point it is too tiring to do the most miniscule (in opinion of able bodied) tasks. Laundry. Stairs. Garden. Cleaning. Cooking.
3. Going into ALF would cost us MINIMUM 5,000 month on level one care. MINIMUM. We would for that not have more than one room, and our garden, or food we enjoyed would be off the table.
It's my own humble opinion that 2,000 a month would be CHEAP (room and board included) to stay in one's own home.
Best out to you.
How did Dad not “get a choice in this”? If he doesn’t want your brother there he can tell him to leave.
This comes across as the non hands-on child judging the one down in the trenches doing all the work. The exact opposite of what we usually see here.
Companionship alone is worth that much, do you know how lonely older people get, and how sad and how that loneliness effects there life.
And what about the stress of wondering how dad is doing alone, did he fall, and no one knows it? Did he remember to turn the stove off? So many things that us caregivers worry endlessly about when they are alone! If I had the peace of mind that your family has, that alone, would be Priceless to me,!!
Not even to mention the emotional stress it is to live with an aging relative.
Sorry but I don't mean to be rude but honestly you and your family need to get over it, be so glad that your dad has someone there, and give your siblings breaks, think more about what she is going through, watch out for them getting burnt out, give them support.
And if the time comes that your dad needs more care, your sibling should get more money
I'd say $1,500 a month plus free room and board is practically slavery for a live-in caregiver.
How is this causing strife? who is complaining? what are they contributing?
Why didn’t dad have a choice? He could fire the sibling living with him and then what? check out the cost of ALF or NH.
With the info you have given, your dad has a bargain.
Please don’t make your dad feel bad about the situation he has arranged. He has done the whole family a favor by paying his own way and having live in help.
You think that because your father isn't an invalid crapping/peeing himself and completely out-of-it with dementia that your sibling isn't working?
Let me tell you something and it comes from 25 years as a professional caregiver to many people whose families thought their LO didn't need much help. Your sibling is busting his/her a$$ every day in that house. Not just the cooking, cleaning, errands, doctor's appointments and everything else they're dealing with an elderly person 24/7 and believe me, it's a lousy life.
If you feel your sibling should be working, why don't you take over some of the work that your sibling is doing.
Let me ask you something. Are you also one of those people who thinks that a housewife with kids doesn't do anything all day?
You're getting off easy and are staying off the caregiver hook. Pay the money and don't complain about it.
You say he didn’t have a choice. How exactly did sibling accomplish that? Are they keeping him a prisoner and stealing his money?
It seems to me that your dad is on board with this arrangement. And I’ll bet sibling does a lot more than you think. Who maintains the home? Who cooks? Who does laundry? If this is such a great deal, why didn’t you snag it yourself?
Would I want to do this myself as a 65 year old, no. If I were 97 and someone offers to live with me and help me out so I can stay in my home for the low price of $1500 plus room and board, heck yes, sign me up!
Therefore, your Dad is getting a really good deal. Not sure about your sibling because I wonder if your Dad is taking out payroll deductions which your sibling would need for Social Security and Medicare..... Your sibling isn't getting paid health care through your Dad, and even if sibling is already on Medicare, Dad isn't paying for secondary insurance, correct?..... Is your Dad paying into your sibling's 401(k) which a company might be doing if sibling was working for a company?.... Is your Dad giving sibling sick pay or vacation pay? Is Dad offering life insurance to sibling like some companies do? What about workman's comp in case sibling gets injured on the job? Your sibling is missing out on benefits.
Curious, does your Dad do his own laundry? Does he change and replace the sheets on his bed? Does your Dad clean the bathrooms in the house? Vacuum the whole house? Does he grocery shop on his own for the household? Does he cook his own meals? Clean up kitchen after cooking? Mow is own lawn? Shovel the snow? If not, then your sibling must be doing all these things.