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Desperate situation. I have three siblings, two of whom don't work, and none who do anything to help. They won't even take her out to lunch. My mother, who has end stage ms, asked my elder sister if she would wash her hair and my sister refused. She did it in a sneaky way by texting me that mom had emailed her re her hair and that I should wash it, insinuating clearly that i had dropped the ball. The final straw came yesterday, and I am so totally sickened by this that I can't even think straight. I have the flu, it started yesterday, and while I've had to endure my fathers abuse for iypt, I was just getting done what I could . My mother had diahhrea yesterday and dad took her back to bed. Today my skin is itchy and I have a fever of 101. But yesterday, my sister told me that she thinks I gave my mother laxatives in order to "back up" my "story" about being sick. I am now not just faking my illness according to her, I would also harm my mother. I can't even find a word or words to describe how disgusting she is for even thinking that, let alone saying it out loud. Please, please, does anyone know how to deal with someone like this? By the way, the family knows my temp is 101 today and not one has offered to come help even though I am certain I am contagious. I am at a loss and know that when I feel physically better I am going to have quite a bit of anger. Any advice please, this crushed me. I don't really care that she called me a faker (she is47 years old if you can believe that) because I am used to her low pathetic blows. But this latest sickens me. When I told my elderly father what shed said he did not say a word in my defense. If somebody has dealt with a family this lazy and overtly evil please I am desperate for advice. Thank you.

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Hi have calmed down after last night! Incredible here we are bitching about sisters and in she walks unannounced?? "oh did mum not tell you I was coming tonight? eh what part of dementia do you just not get? tell mum shes coming you see the total lack of respect for me afterall im just the hired unpaid help! Oh god help me to think I was sitting around last night when I could have been at at a mates and the whole time she flew in from paris and was having lunch with friends and I didn't even know she was in the country.
Anywhoo! maybe god is giving me a break??? I think mums dementia is starting to hit home to her I showed her mums meds and how she was so disorganised taking them ALSO the carer was there and said a few things to my sister about how stressful it is for me. My mums meds are blister packed mon - sun 3 tabs in morning 2 in evening yes a 3yr old could work it out. my sister (whos emotionally thick) asked the carer why mum was taking them in a disorganised way which is lethal the carer laughed and said " I think you need to educate yourself about dementia"!
I think mum is getting worse and FINALLY I think my sister is waking up to the shit ahead of us! for the first time ever she is saying she needs to be in a NH and her meds monitored? my sister for the first time got the end of mums foul mouth!!!!YIPEEEEEEE she asked mum to let me take over her meds as she was worried and mum let her have it "don't you dare start telling me what to do im not an idiot" oh yes screeched at her YIPEEEEEEE thankyou god my sister is starting to see what im putting up with.
I couldn't help myself last night though and again put one of mums smelly depends under my sis's bedcovers this morning she said she felt ill when she found it!! I said " I know its so sad god love her she just dosnt know what shes doing"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TEE HEE HEE (hell hath no fury than a worn out messed up CARER)
I had ONE cigarette last night my sister drove me to it!
Feeling a bit better today and less stressed as my sis starting to see how nutty mum is becoming sad isn't how this can make me happy?

My sister has mum for the WHOLE WKEND yipeeeeeee she should be on crack cocaine by Monday!!!!

Heres to CARERS REVENGE! hey wouldn't that make a great movie!
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Pstegman in an earlier post bummer said she lives at parents and sister has the "rent free" attitude, like she does nothing all day and night 24/7.. Jeez!! If these siblings lived our day for 1 day they certainly would "see the light"...
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I'd be curious to know also what sisters motivation is? Usually it's the almighty $$$. This sister has caused you pain in the past... What have you tried to get her out of your life?

I hear your desperation! You need to figure out how to make you number 1 in your life..

When sister tried turning the hair washing on you, your response should have been "she asked you" and it's time you help out!! "They are your parents too"!!

Good luck and hope the flu goes away quickly...
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Bummerb we have the same sister! Shes coming to stay tomorrow and im running to the toilet with worry of what she will say in her usual patronising way!
At xmas mum offered to make the stuffing for the turkey I said no its ok you relax ill do it. My sister threw her two cents in then by telling me if mum wants to make the stuffing then why dont you let her stop bullying her? I grabbed my sis in the kitchen in front of my brother and told her that if she wants mum to make stuffing with dirty hands maybe covered in POO basically not hygenic then go ahead thankgod my brother agreed and told her to shut up OR come home and look after her. Apart from the hygiene issues my mum cant cook anymore she burns things and dosnt know what shes doing sad but reality.
I know the utter FRUSTRATION when siblings that dont help try and tell us what to do it can drive you to madness!!
Have NOTHING to do with them if you live with your parents move out if you can help them from a distance if like me you live with them do your best by your dad ignore him not supporting you spend the last precious time with mum and screw your siblings i dont answer the phone here and my sister texts me to order me to answer the phone i tell her all sorts like im in the bath or im out mum cant hear the phone FCK my sister has just walked in the fckin door thought she was coming tomorrow. Fck and im here she said tomorrow im so angry as i couldve been out.
GOD HELP ME!
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Sorry I got carried away there having a rant BUT I want anyone going through sibling stress (invisibles as I call them) to realise that the reason they behave they way they do and get on out case is ONE denial of parents illness TWO guilt that they havnt got it in them to care like we do SO the only way they can cope is to hit out at us and patronise us on how we are caring it somehow makes them feel like they care! that's my two cent.

I will have a clear mind when mum dies that I did all I could to help her god help my siblings they will have to live with the guilt.

Hugs to all/ bigger hugs to all with sibling issues!
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Kazaa your *revenge* against your sister (with the dirty diaper) is priceless! I'm still laughing over it. I hope your sister really gets it after this visit. Hugs to you and enjoy your weekend!!
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we were close once until mum got sick and older and now the dementia but they havnt seen her at her worst like the abuse ive had to suffer. I am a selfish bitch? if I really cared about her I wouldn't go out? ive been so good to you letting you stay here? why don't you clean your room its a mess???? fck the cat what about me? that cat eats better than me? your relationship with that cat is not normal? youre never here? where have you been all day I bet you went for coffee? you did have coffee I know you did you cannot afford coffee? we don't need a cleaner coming in? those carers are a waste of time? theres never any food there? why should I wear my hearing aid? mum you smell bad would you like a nice bath? I do not smell you smell how many of your nappies did I clean?
Then theres the tv shes ugly fat too thin funny looking oh I don't like him or her shes crap he has a funny nose this film is crap,this one is boring,this one is too old that was crap I don't like food anymore its crap.
Mum would you like a cup of tea and watch "hoarding buried alive" yes please oh look at the mess hes just a lazy pig!

Beam me up scotty you cannot make this woman happy! you know sometimes I think maybe its nice to go nuts say what you like when you like,pee when and where you want,eat what you want,make a mess as someones there to clean it up! don't wash sure who going to see me. don't wear teeth whod notice? fling your dirty clothes anywhere in the house and someone will pick them up. pee all over the bathroom who cares someone will clean it up!

You know maybe this being nuts isn't so bad afterall I mean we could just whatever we wanted and get away with it?

Maybe theres no such thing as dementia maybe a gang of old people got together and have this sussed so we would have to look after them while they did whatever they wanted? maybe they call each other every night and say what crap did you get away with tonight isn't this cool pretending weve got dementia and everyone does everything we ask them to do?

Yep maybe we are the nuts they seem happy enough in their little world of dictatorship!!!!
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(((((hugs))))) all around - cm, I get it, and I am having to shut my female sib out now for my survival She say mothers has a few little emotional problems - coming from someone who has a few little emotional problems herself, I suppose BPD, narcissism and paranoid don't seem so bad!!!

kazzaa LOL - that gave me a much needed laugh. I like your imagination. These days are a bit rough and a good laugh helps. Part of what keeps us going,
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Kaz-
Me too, LOL. I was thinking while reading your spastic rant that we all must be the nutty ones. I'm sure that you are right about them colluding with each other to get what they want and act any way they damn please all for the purpose of making us work harder and trying to make us miserable. LOL!
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Kazzaa you crack me up - dementia as a strategy. I've had fleeting suspicions too… Clever! xxx
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