My 78 year old mother suffered a stroke in March followed by a broken hip in April and then entered a nursing home in which she has just laid down and given up on life. Her dementia is such that the doctor consider's her no longer able to conduct her own affiars. She refuses to get out of the bed or to do anything with PT. She's now sleeping more than usual, basically has to be helped to eat a meal, does not talk as much as usual and today I was not even sure she knew me and anyone else. I got the impression that she is withdrawing into herself.
She has been through a great deal of trauma and could have lost the will to fight anymore. My mother used to say to me, "Can't you just give me a little black pill?" She was so tired of pain and misery, even though we did everything we could to make life better. Of course, all I could say was, "No, I can't do that, but we will see if more can be done for your comfort."
I do believe she lost her will to live after my dad died, but it took five months for the physical effects to take over. She did get so she couldn't eat at all and then it was mostly about pain management and physical and psychological comfort. Dying is often a drawn out process. My heart goes out to you, as you are the one who must witness this process.
If the doctors think anything can be done to help her, listen to them and weigh the options. Will a procedure cause her more pain and misery, but prolong her life three days? These are choices we must make. What would she have wanted if she could make these decisions. You are savvy and concerned.
Please keep us posted. This is a hard way to spend this holiday season. I know. I experienced three Christmas season deaths. But it's not easy any time. Knowing my loved ones were finally out of pain was my comfort.
Take care,
Carol
I don't know if the Hospice organization that you mention is a for profit organization or not. You could call the main office of the organization and ask.
Hospice does not provide round the clock care and it sounds as though that's what your elder needs, that's what you are paying for. The alternative is to have family provide the care at home and have Hospice come in.
Best,
Hapfra
my mom was in a hellva pain that nobody could ever dream of . it was eating her alive . so by all means yes morphine killed her but she was nt hurting , and died in peace . bless her heart .....
I will keep you and you Mom in my thoughts and prayers!
To that end, I'm playing hookey today and sitting on a NYC beach, early in the morning.
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