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I would get a lawyer to write to her, and tell her you are “onto” her tricks and BACK OFF
i would use a lawyer for this because you want to scare her. Anyone with an ounce of common sense understands that this sort of letter from a lawyer is a serious threat.
you cannot have her injecting herself like this. You need to take strong and immediate action. I do not think this was friendly at all....she would have done this in front of you if she was only thinking to be helpful. In what way would she be “helpful” to have unfettered access to your home? How does it help anyone for her to have access at anytime to the use of the car! This is very ominous.
be sure your husband understands and agrees that nothing is signed unless both of you are present.
Married 12 years my husband has been sick with strokes , cancer etc for the past seven years i have been doing all of the caretaking for that time as well as hiring people to help me i am medically trained as well as my stepson is a doctor who is kept abreast of all issues my relationship with my sil I thought was good until this situation my sil has no medical knowledge and the disturbing part is trying to act and look like me , same haircut same pocketbook which is hard because my pocketbook is old her husband is a lawyer for social services my husband and I spoke about it he was just so sick he didn’t register what she was saying but a nurse confirmed it
You can revoke the HIPAA form that has her name on it. Did she get house key? If so it is pretty easy to change the locks. I can not imagine the car keys would do her any good but if you find your car gone one day you call police and report it stolen. Even if she says she was "given" the keys she did not have permission to take the car at that time and you could press charges and you would get the keys returned.
when I said "you" I meant whoever gave permission for information to be shared not necessarily the OP. sorry for confusion.
Sounds like a second marriage, we don't know if the DH has kids from the first marriage that the SIL is trying to protect. May not be an easy situation.
After I spoke to my husband about what she did I spoke to her directly telling about boundaries , He is not in a deathwatch situation she doesn’t need to stay in the hospital 3 to 4 hours a day she was texting me all night while my husband was in hospital I answered her twice a day that wasn’t enough so she amped up the visit and told me that my husband told begged her to visit everyday he told her not to visit everyday I was there for that conversation in the midst of this hospital stay we are moving out of state and I feel very vulnerable how to protect myself? My husband did not give her the keys or signed any form , she brought it with her when he was in rehab and I moved our household her husband won’t let her near any his medical information
Spano, relax you are under a lot of stress. Accept help wherever you find it and try to appreciate it. Sometimes when I am on overload I get territorial and am afraid people will become critical because I cannot do it all.
Your SIL's behavior isn't what I would call "helpful", in fact just the opposite. If it keeps escalating even after having a calm, clear but stern discussion with her, you see can about a restraining order I (and I would tell her and her husband as such). Don't know how difficult that would be (or the time and cost, which you certainly don't need in your lives right now). Sure hope it doesn't get to that point because no doubt there would be further familial fall-out down the road. May you have wisdom as you deal with this sticky situation.
Yes we sold our house a month ago and the owners had to get in as soon as possible which we agreed to , we bought a house in August in Nc and plan to retire there, and then in October put our pa home up for sale, sold our house a few weeks ago but my husband got sick , he wanted to continue with the sale of our home In pa so I went back for two days to hire movers and pack. so my sil knew all of this too which makes it particularly hurtful
When husband is well, if you haven't yet, you need to have ur husband assign you POA. He should have one on you too. There are posts on this forum where a husband or wife gave POA to a child or sibling and new wife is out of the picture with the POA calling the shots. You don't want this to happen. So get to a lawyer as soon as ur settled. Good thing ur getting away from SIL. Be glad husband questioned his sisters intentions.
Yes SIL has overstepped. Her brother is not her responsibility. He is yours. I just read a HIPAA form. The patient is giving the facility permission to give info to a provider or an individual. It does not give ur SIL the right to make decisions concerning your husbands health. My Mom always listed her children and my daughter because she is an RN. This way my brothers could call for info and my daughter could ask questions. But, I had POA, and if Mom was incapable to make decisions, I did.
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. To imitate someone is to pay the person a genuine compliment — often an unintended compliment."
Even so, ur SIL's behaviour is odd. Knowing that ur moving, too. Love to know what she was thinking asking for keys to the car and house. Which ur hubby should not have at the hospital anyway. I may mention it to her husband, in passing... "You know, Marie asked Jim for our house and car keys. He didn't give them to her but thought it kind of weird".
Maybe she doesn't want you to move away. Twelve years, ur still newly weds. Not sure why you need to protect urself. Husband is competent to make his own decisions. Wife trumps sister. Even without a POA, the staff will usually keep the Wife informed.
I admire that you pulled her aside and told her she was overstepping. I would also tell her that you will keep her informed of any changes. You will try to call her at least 1x a day. Our local hospital does not allow cell phones within the building. I had to go outside. If his hospital has this rule, good reason to tell her not to call.
You will soon be in NC. Busy getting the new home in order and caring for DH and enjoying retirement. Then, its maybe a visit every so often.
Come back and tell us how everything works out. We love updates.
Update sil husband stopped by our house to speak to my husband about what happened my husband told him that he did not appreciate his sister undermining his wife and emphasize that we are a team sil husband said that he did not know about keys and hippa signing bit in the next breath he said that I ask sil to get a hippa form signed by husband ( which is lie) sil husband told me I have no right to do this to his wife because she loves her brother so much and wants to know everything about him i asked him to leave my house now
Every family situation is different, but this really sounds like she was being sneaky about something. Red flags: 1. She waited until you stepped out of the room to get him to sign a HIPPA form and request keys. 2. The lie told by SILs husband, “said that he did not know about keys and hippa signing bit in the next breath he said that I ask sil to get a hippa form signed by husband ( which is lie) 3. SILs husbands defensiveness and excuses when his wife’s wrong doing was exposed. “SIL’s husband told me I have no right to do this to his wife because she loves her brother so much and wants to know everything about him”. I’m glad your husband stood up for you and emphasized that you and he are a team. In the worst case scenario SIL may have been trying to gain control over information and possibly the assets that are shared between your husband and you. If he did sign documents or hand over the keys, you can get your husband to revoke what ever it is she conned him into signing when he was vulnerable. Depending on your situation you may need a restraining order to keep her and her husband off of your property. Change the locks on the house and if possible the car. You may need to put an alert on your accounts and get new credit cards. It’s hard to think about your own family members being capable of stealing identity and other criminal activity, but it really does happen. I see mentioned in others post about the possible issues about assigning POA. Every family has its own dynamics. Maybe I’m overthinking & overreacting, but I have bad vibes when there is secrecy, deceit, and excuses.
Your husband needs to make you power of attorney for health care and DPOA in case of need for financial, if that is his wish. This sounds like a second marriage, where the children are issue of husband and another spouse, and sister-in-law has not accepted you? Can you tell me how long you have been with your husband? Do know that if your husband makes the mistake again of signing papers issued to him by his sister, a new POA signed would negate one that you and he do at this time. I wouldn't know how to avoid that. I am assuming in all this that your husband is competent, but he may be prey to this sister in the future and that doesn't bode well for you ongoing. Please enlist the support of his children if they support you and your husband in this second marriage. You may need it. Why does your sister-in-law want the keys to your house? Is this house in your name as well as your husband? If not, there is going to be big trouble coming down the line and I worry for you and your husband with this sister in law already meddling. You and your husband can go to DMV or to Triple AAA if you have it and have you as the spouse put on the title of the car in "either/or" meaning the car belongs to you both; sister in law cannot do anything with that. These legal things need to be set in stone now, and a will with lawyer needs to be done, dilineating your husband's wishes. Get this taken care of, because as long as he is there to say "We are a team, " you are safe; but when he is not there to defend you, you may not be. Take this as the warning shot over the bow.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Car and house keys, something else entirely.
Have you had ongoing issues with SIL? Why would she been given house and car keys? Why wouldn't hubs ask you if that was ok.
Maybe she is overstepping while just trying to be helpful.
i would use a lawyer for this because you want to scare her. Anyone with an ounce of common sense understands that this sort of letter from a lawyer is a serious threat.
you cannot have her injecting herself like this. You need to take strong and immediate action. I do not think this was friendly at all....she would have done this in front of you if she was only thinking to be helpful. In what way would she be “helpful” to have unfettered access to your home? How does it help anyone for her to have access at anytime to the use of the car! This is very ominous.
be sure your husband understands and agrees that nothing is signed unless both of you are present.
for the past seven years
i have been doing all of the caretaking for that time as well as hiring people to help me
i am medically trained as well as my stepson is a doctor who is kept abreast of all issues
my relationship with my sil I thought was good until this situation
my sil has no medical knowledge
and the disturbing part is trying to act and look like me , same haircut same pocketbook which is hard because my pocketbook is old
her husband is a lawyer for social services
my husband and I spoke about it
he was just so sick he didn’t register
what she was saying but a nurse
confirmed it
Did she get house key? If so it is pretty easy to change the locks.
I can not imagine the car keys would do her any good but if you find your car gone one day you call police and report it stolen. Even if she says she was "given" the keys she did not have permission to take the car at that time and you could press charges and you would get the keys returned.
when I said "you" I meant whoever gave permission for information to be shared not necessarily the OP. sorry for confusion.
Sounds like a second marriage, we don't know if the DH has kids from the first marriage that the SIL is trying to protect. May not be an easy situation.
I spoke to her directly telling about boundaries , He is not in a deathwatch situation she doesn’t need to stay in the hospital 3 to 4 hours a day she was texting me all night while my husband was in hospital I answered her twice a day
that wasn’t enough so she amped
up the visit and told me that my husband told begged her to visit everyday
he told her not to visit everyday I was there for that conversation
in the midst of this hospital stay
we are moving out of state and
I feel very vulnerable how to protect
myself?
My husband did not give her the keys or signed any form , she brought it with her when he was in rehab and I moved our household
her husband won’t let her near any his medical information
but why do this behind my back?
i know I can’t do it all , but why would someone want to stressout
Someone eho is vulnerable?
and the owners had to get in as soon as possible which we agreed to , we bought a house in August in Nc
and plan to retire there, and then in October put our pa home up for sale, sold our
house a few weeks ago but my husband got sick , he wanted to continue with the sale of our home
In pa so I went back for two days
to hire movers and pack.
so my sil knew all of this too which makes it particularly hurtful
Yes SIL has overstepped. Her brother is not her responsibility. He is yours. I just read a HIPAA form. The patient is giving the facility permission to give info to a provider or an individual. It does not give ur SIL the right to make decisions concerning your husbands health. My Mom always listed her children and my daughter because she is an RN. This way my brothers could call for info and my daughter could ask questions. But, I had POA, and if Mom was incapable to make decisions, I did.
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. To imitate someone is to pay the person a genuine compliment — often an unintended compliment."
Even so, ur SIL's behaviour is odd. Knowing that ur moving, too. Love to know what she was thinking asking for keys to the car and house. Which ur hubby should not have at the hospital anyway. I may mention it to her husband, in passing... "You know, Marie asked Jim for our house and car keys. He didn't give them to her but thought it kind of weird".
Maybe she doesn't want you to move away. Twelve years, ur still newly weds. Not sure why you need to protect urself. Husband is competent to make his own decisions. Wife trumps sister. Even without a POA, the staff will usually keep the Wife informed.
I admire that you pulled her aside and told her she was overstepping. I would also tell her that you will keep her informed of any changes. You will try to call her at least 1x a day. Our local hospital does not allow cell phones within the building. I had to go outside. If his hospital has this rule, good reason to tell her not to call.
You will soon be in NC. Busy getting the new home in order and caring for DH and enjoying retirement. Then, its maybe a visit every so often.
Come back and tell us how everything works out. We love updates.
and seem to trust me with their father, I have a good relationship with the kids
sil husband stopped by our house
to speak to my husband about what
happened
my husband told him that he did not appreciate his sister undermining his wife and emphasize that we are a team
sil husband said that he did not know about keys and hippa signing
bit in the next breath he said that
I ask sil to get a hippa form signed
by husband ( which is lie)
sil husband told me I have no right
to do this to his wife because she loves her brother so much and wants to know everything about him
i asked him to leave my house
now
3. SILs husbands defensiveness and excuses when his wife’s wrong doing was exposed. “SIL’s husband told me I have no right to do this to his wife because she loves her brother so much and wants to know everything about him”.
I’m glad your husband stood up for you and emphasized that you and he are a team.
In the worst case scenario SIL may have been trying to gain control over information and possibly the assets that are shared between your husband and you. If he did sign documents or hand over the keys, you can get your husband to revoke what ever it is she conned him into signing when he was vulnerable. Depending on your situation you may need a restraining order to keep her and her husband off of your property. Change the locks on the house and if possible the car. You may need to put an alert on your accounts and get new credit cards. It’s hard to think about your own family members being capable of stealing identity and other criminal activity, but it really does happen. I see mentioned in others post about the possible issues about assigning POA. Every family has its own dynamics. Maybe I’m overthinking & overreacting, but I have bad vibes when there is secrecy, deceit, and excuses.