Sister, 66, has had decades of experience nursing loved ones before this, ending up losing her woodworking studio because all her money and time went to family care. Current husband of 15 years is only 2yrs< than she, but has had cancer and been in and out of remission. Recently she took him to the ER because his right leg was so painful that he couldn't stand. Turned out to be a blood clot. Fussed at being in the ER at all, and never got a room so they took him home--just to give you an idea of the difficulty. I wish shed leave him because he is abusive but she has committed to staying. She's the one skillfully fixing their new house (rotting walls in flood zone, etc. w/every dollar she can spare) but is minimally computer literate. Must be on Medicaid/Medicare because she's not allowed to be paid as a spousal caregiver. Given so little time in the day, and no room for a studio, what else could bring her some income to pay the mortgage? (Hubby war trauma has him w highfalutin' ideas that she ends up getting the blame for.)
My daughter lived with then married a man with very poor credit when they met. My daughter owned her own home before they met. They married after they lived together for a few years. She was redoing her mortgage for a lower rate and thought she'd add her husband...nope, Mortgage company felt that in those years he got back on track, his credit was still not good enough to put him on. So, I doubt if this BFs credit is not up to snuff, the mortgage company will not allow him to be on the mortgage anyway. And really again, its not who is paying the mortgage, its who is on the deed.
The son, what kind of disability does he have? Does he get Social Security Disability? Medicare and Medicaid? Is he living with her? I ask because, if he gets SSD and she gets SS maybe they can combine incomes and find a HUD subsidized apt. Rent is based on 30% of total income. She would be his Caregiver so they should be able to live together. There is a supplimental income, SSI, they both may be able to get if SS is too low.
If this man dies tomorrow, your sister will have nothing. If she is not on the deed, again she does not own the house. What ever income he did bring in will stop. She needs to get her ducks in order. He doesn't need to know what she is doing, just get some plans made. When she gets it all together, then she can walk out with her son.
His trauma is as war victim, not military. He coerced her into putting her name on the mortgage two years ago because something was wrong with his finances, then has accused her of taking over his house because she was doing an important repair, and recently started threatening her with not paying his share when he gets upset with her. His aged mother in another country won't allow anyone else to nurse her when Sister is around, but mother has no power over her son and is too frail anyway to get into his business. And he says now he will sue her if she doesn't put his name on the mortgage when his grown son and family arrive next month. He's not above poisoning people he knows against her. It's something he did to his first wife. I live in another state and can't just spirit her away, as her grown son also needs close medical attention. She's made her choices. I guess I just needed to vent, myself, and just keep praying that all changes soon and changes for the better.
No common law in NY so they are not married. She is not a spouse, just living together for 15 yrs. So I don't see why she can't be paid to care for him. PA has a program where work for a care agency. They train you, pay you and u have benefits. Then you can care for a friend or family member of your choice. You should see if NY Medicaid offers this.
He may be able to get help from the VA. She should be getting some SS if she has worked. Maybe Supplimental income thru Social Services. She applies for Medicaid "in home care". Sister is not his wife so she may gets paid to care for him as his GF.
You may not have to worry about him if he did not get that clot taken care of. If it breaks away, it could go right to his heart and kill him. To his brain and a massive stroke, then he goes into a NH.
Your sister gets nothing if he dies. She is not entitled to his SS. The house, is it in his name, hers or both? If his name, does he have a Will where she inherits? No Will, probate determines who inherits and it won't be her.
P.S. Just read Fawnby's post. If he has trama by being in the Military, is he getting money from that? If not, he maybe able to but will need to supply proper paperwork. To get a pension he would need to have served 20 yrs in the military. But, he maybe able to get Aid and Attendence because he needs care. Also, as a non-spouse sis has no rights to be involved in his finances or health without POAs in place.
Some points: He isn't her husband. He's sick and bound to get sicker. She wants to stay and take care of him. This is free care for him. He's abusive. She still wants to stay. She lost her business and the income that went with it. But she's still staying with her non-husband and she can't get paid to take care of him. She's doing all the work to fix their new house while she's taking care of him and has no way of earning income as long as she takes care of him. AND THEY BOUGHT A HOUSE TOGETHER.
What does he contribute? Why can't he pay her out of his private funds (if any) to be his caregiver? What does sister see as benefits of this situation? Does she inherit the house if he dies? She can't get a military pension if any when he passes - she's not his wife. She can't collect on his social security when it's time for retirement benefits or after he dies when, if they were married ten years and her benefit is less than his, her SS retirement benefit would get bumped up to the amount of his - again, she can't have it because she's not his wife. Any pension he might get from employment will not be hers because SHE'S NOT HIS WIFE. She is slave labor. And I'm certainly not hinting that she should marry her abuser, I'm merely pointing out that like many with non-husbands, she's not in a good situation.
First let's stop calling him her husband, and second, please make her aware of the realities of what she's doing to herself. She needs psychological help. Maybe legal help too.