Hospice RN advised me to inform family that Mom has less time.
Sister just saw Mom after 6 years. She complained that the foyer light needed glass cleaning and she wants some light bulbs swapped out.(We have a group of 4 can lights--2 light bulbs were cool white and 2 bulbs were warm white so sister wanted them all the same in front hallway.)
She visited for 2 days. I left each day for 6 hours so she would have alone time with Mom.
I actually ran into her at the gym during some of that time.
Money was no limit in her visiting. She has been skiing around the world the last 6 years.
I'm not sure how to take this? I'm exhausted. My boyfriend has done significantly more for Mom than sister.
I never set out to do this for 6 years. In fact I toured numerous facilities in my home state and I toured numerous facilities in Mom's home state. I was thrown into this when Dad passed. Then covid came along. I had caregivers keep showing up for Mom so I just coasted along. I lived out of state and Mom had caregivers but it was still a lot of work: schedules, meds, special diets etc. I traveled to Mom I'd say every 4-8 weeks depending on problems.
The big positive is that I've been clearing Mom's house out bit by bit, room by room over the years so when Mom passes things will be much easier.
I've also had the contractor replace rotten wood on the exterior of the house with a high end vinyl siding. I've also had the contractor paint inside--room by room. We de-wallpapered the house as it was falling down and dirty and young people don't like wall paper. Mom's drapes were also disintegrating from sun damage and young people don't like to buy houses with drapes so over time removed all of the drapes and replaced with nice 1" wood blinds.
I'm proud of what I've achieved. At the time Dad passed 6 years ago it seemed like an overwhelming project . It is amazing how if you tackle a project little by little, week by week and month by month you can do great things.
That is not someone I would have any common ground with nor would want in my life.
Be polite, be careful. Be mindful of self-protection with every interaction - just as you would finding a snake in your back shed. Put up with her untul she slithers/skiis off.
Far as the light thing goes I don't know how you stopped your sides splitting from laughter, myself.
Glad she visited your Mom and I hope the visit was a comfort to your mother.
I think that you did the honorable thing, and should now relax knowing that.
Of course you are exhausted. But this caregiving was your own choice and not the choice of your sister. If your sister has refused to visit your mother for a period of 6 years it is clear to me that there is likely little love lost between them over time. They likely do not have a good relationship, didn't and won't. That shouldn't be your concern, I think.
Comfort yourself in this last time that you were this good to your Mom at the end of her life, mourn her passing, and get on with your life. I wish you well.
You made the choice to stick around and look after your mom, while your sister chose to go off and live and enjoy her life. I say good for her. You both made choices you thought best I'm guessing, so perhaps there's a bit of jealousy on your part that while your sister was out having fun, you were stuck caring for your mom.
Remember that was your choice, so just enjoy whatever time your sister may be there and know that this is not about you right now, but it is about your mom, and letting her die in peace.
Thank you for the laughter about cleaning the light globes.
I've needed the laughter today.
I have heard nothing from this same niece or his brother since Mark's various illness even now that he has been in ICU a month. Just ignore whatever she says. The proof is in the pudding