So emotionally drained from this rollercoaster.. anyone else?

Exactly!

I am an only child, with no children, a wonderful husband who I am trying to protect from all of my mother's drama. I have a 88 year old mom who is physically healthy. She has always been independent, and when my dad died 15 years ago, she accepted and moved on. I had only been married a month, and it was no problem at old. Fast forward 15 years later, she had a little health blip about a year and a half ago, and it has been an emotional roller coaster for me daily. I love her, and I visit her in her own home every other day. I call her or she calls me alot during the day. I try to hide those phone calls from my husband. I am alway taking out the trash or going down stairs to do something to speak with her briefly. I feel sorry for her because she is sooooooo extremely lonely. She has outlived her friends and her family only cares about themselves. I guess I have an emotional outburst every time I see her. She has no emotion at all. I have tears streaming or having outbursts, and it doesn't effect her. She can't try or even get made. All she says to me all the time is that she would be so much better if she moved in with my husband and I. I tell her daily that that will never happen. She keeps saying it. I have told her and told her. I have hung up the phone, I have thrown a fit, and it doesn't phase her. I tell her I will not give up my marriage for her. I love her but she doesn't love me enough to stop saying it. I told her I would talk to my husband and visit her daily to help. I told her I could retire. I told her I could hire a companion. No to it all except moving in with us. There is something with she and I that I can't figure out. I tell her that. I pretty much tell her everything I feel. I told her that one good thing going through this is to maybe work out what our deep down problem is before one of us die. We love each other, but not until she has started behaving like this, did we every hug or tell each other we love each other. I, like you, am emotionally drained. I pray for her, I pray with her daily. Nothing ever changes. When she visits our house for dinner, about once a month, my husband thinks all of this may be my imagination cause she seems okay. Not quite as spunky as she use to be. I tell him, believe me, you have no idea. I just keep it to myself, because he went through some things with his mom, and I just want to protect him from this problem. She is physically healthy other wise. We worries about everything. She has financial resources, but she has regrets not spending her money on things. She spent it on me and my dad, but really her. Now she is looking back and hates everything. She hates her house, trees, leaves, bills, being alone, not having any friends. Sometimes, I think me. I tell her that too. She is miserable, and she was never like that. She has always been hard on me, so what I do for her, she doesn't like. I try so hard to please her. I guess I always have. I tell her that too. I tell her things through our lives together that hurt me. When I was born, she had Post Pardum depression, and I think it is back. I have told her doctor, and she just says that it is a difficult situation. She is in her right mind (no dementia or anything; she actually helps me remember stuff and she does her own checkbook in her head. I check behind her) The doctor said that we can't make her take meds to help. When she gets upset about money or things, she starts chattering. Anyway, I just need to just get this out for someone to read this and know I am not all alone. Being an only child with a sick parent is hard. I thought losing my dad from Cancer was tough, but this is so much worse. Thanks for reading.

I do let her place manage most things but there are still so many tasks that fall to the family and in my case it’s really just me and my brother - or me because brother is not as involved. He’s 2.5 hours away and while he calls and helps when needed he doesn’t take care of basic things. She is the last of her 4 siblings and feels very alone - especially stuck in her room now with the staff in full ppe and coming in as little as possible. I try to call her every day to say hi but it is so draining.

She has mild cognitive decline and is not able to use a smart phone or computer so I send/drop off all items she needs - batteries, depends, envelopes, snacks, etc etc... while I have cut down on the frequency I will bring them she leaves at least one message every day with other item she must have. Yesterday it was 2 tweezers - had to be Revlon - and a big jug of cashew nuts. She has some major incontinence issues that I talk to the staff frequently about. If I had know I would be here 6 years later I would have paced myself and not done multiple weekly visits those first few years but I was always told she was ‘at the end’ so I wanted to make that time special.

the load can’t be compared to those who have their lo at home so I realize I am lucky that she is well cared for and has the resources to pay - and for that I feel guilty too!!! But I have 3 children and a full time job and I fee
line I’m spending their childhood taking care of her too .