I am a middle aged adult taking care of my Mom, 80, with history of cancer and recent stroke, and her husband, 86, who is relatively healthy but with mild cognitive dementia. He still is able to drive without difficulty and is quite independent.
Normally I do most of the grocery shopping and cook lunch for all of us. Mom has a light snack in the evening and my stepdad prepares an evening meal for himself, usually frozen dinners that he enjoys.
Despite my offering to do all of the grocery shopping, especially with Covid, My stepdad insists on going out and getting groceries for himself periodically.
The other night he came back with about 50 bags of groceries; more than we had room for or will be able to eat before they go bad. I have gone through my parents pantry in the past and found things that expired in 2013, but were still in there. He gets upset when we throw expired food out, saying it’s “perfectly fine”, yet has made himself sick in the past by eating old food.
I try to go through the fridge and pantry for clean outs on days when he’s out for medical appointments, but how do I stop him from bringing these things home in the first place, short of hiding his car keys?
At first I would get exasperated, but now I realize that it’s part of dementia. He’s always been a bit of a hoarder, but the food hoarding seems to be getting worse. Any suggestions?
There was no arguing with him about it. So I’d call my nephews, they’d back up to the garage and I’d load Em up.
Eventually I had to end the driving and that was no fun. I had already gotten rid of his charge cards. They seem to have gotten lost.
When I finally got my folks in care I cleaned out the house and sold it. That was 2017. I’m still using dads trash bags, dishwashing liquid and other stuff. I may have to buy some cleaner in a year or two.
Put out many varieties of late night snacks, in case he is feeling deprived.
Freeze, or cook and freeze anything that you can do that with.
Serve lots of the fresh stuff, not opening any cans until gone.
Cook vegetable that will spoil, then freeze in zip lock baggies.
Make a huge pot of stew, then put in small portions and freeze.
Do not shop yourself until the food Dad brought home is used up.
Thank him for the extra food.
Next time, go with him?
I think I'll just continue doing clandestine clean outs.
Is he using cash or charge card for his shopping? If charging have you checked statements to see if he is doing other spending that may put them in financial trouble? Are bills being paid properly?
If he is using cash...should he be walking around with that much cash on him...
If he is using a credit card can you put a limit on the card?
Do they have someone named as POA for financial and health decisions?
It sounds like your s-dad should not be shopping by himself.
I also wonder about the driving...usually by the time "we" recognize that there is some form of dementia the cognitive ability is such that decision making capabilities and things like driving should be reevaluated.
Again..return what you can, give away (donate) what can not be returned or used before it spoils.
If your garbage gets too full, dry goods may go into the green waste bin and their packaging into recycling, at least that's the way our garbage company sorts things.
Also, refrigerator shelves must look full to a hoarder's way of thinking, so I array a solid line of items at the front of each rack and take away things from the back as I reshuffle them. It's time-consuming but I hope this strategy works for you, too. Eliminating all items at once leads to "what happened to my stuff, what did you do with it," and nobody needs that sort of day.
Try not to just throw the foods in the cabinet then shut the doors. It will make life much easier if sorted.
I only have me to feed now, so I guess I have twice as much food as before.
Same with toilet paper and paper towels. I feel I am pretty well stocked but not over stocked.
I have pretty much had this attitude since that storm in '52 or '53.
We were the only ones with lights, gas, and refrigeration.
Coal oil lamps, bottle gas for the cook stove, and kerosene refrigerator. The Landlord had nothing.
A typhoon in '76 left us with out power for over two weeks. Had to cook on a little hibatchi pot in the back yard. No hot water. Bathed and shaved with cold water. House was all electric. Food spoiled if not eaten right away.
Charcoal was home made and cost $5.00 a pound. shared the pot with the neighbor. We made it though.
Now this covid thing. I am doing good through it.
the worst to happen to me is my drivers license expired and I had to wait two months to get an appointment to renew it.
Stocking up is okay, hoarding must be watched.
Luckily most the hoard are foods with long shelf lives, but I recently threw out a bag of apples from last year.
Dad’s hoarding has escalated due to Covid and conspiracy podcasts he listens to. He is convinced he must stock up on food to save the family. He also wants to expand the veggie garden again.
I have tossed out medicines and vitamins with best before dates of 1996, 2002 etc. I donated 40 pounds of rice and 25 pounds of split peas to a local food program.
The only thing slowing down the shopping is Dad is no longer going to stores due to Covid. My brother is doing the weekly shopping for him and limits contributions to the hoard.
Sorry I have no solutions for you. One suggestion, if your stepdad is bringing home perishable foods, donate them to your local food bank.
Bless your dads heart. Good idea about donating.