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Father has confusion, lack of awareness; walking into neighbors house at all hours, needs more care everyday. Stepmom legally blind. I can not care for him and sadly needs Medicaid for nursing home or similiar.

Are you POA?
Is StepMom POA? Is she competent?
Because yes, this is sounding like it will end as a court battle for guardianship, and if that is what you want I caution you that you will not be allowed to give it up if you tried to; that release must come from a judge.

Moreover, you are unlikely to get POA when there is a spouse there to take on care. That seems to be her wish?
And getting documents from an uncooperative person not worth it. Legally these fights can go to 10s of thousands of dollars.
I would step away here. I would call APS and let them handle it with stepmom. Just my personal opinion on what little I know here.
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PEMdaughter Sep 24, 2024
Wow, explain. I am POA and she wants dad in a nursing home care environment but she is fearful her money will be taken. I do not want to get lawyers involved but what do I do as his dementia worsens?The protective services in their county have been no help.
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Not sure why you are not willing to retain a lawyer. In this case an attorney is needed. They will help immensely with the division of assets to enable your father to be Medicaid eligible while your step mother will be able to retain assets. She will not loose their house, savings, car (only one allowed) and will be able to keep a certain amount of savings. States differ with allowable assets the spouse can retain.

Hiding money only creates more issues and prolongs his much needed alternative care to relieve the stress on you, stepmother and neighbors. I would begin to give your stepmother a loving talk (fake it if you need to) about your desire to help her but you need her to be forthcoming with all financial information. And go together to an eldercare lawyer so he/she can reassure her.

Also, as POA you are and will be responsible for him until he passes on. It's not a one and done responsibility to get him in a facility.
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As POA you maybe able to get any financial information that is under his name. I have an app where I can view my accts at anytime, this includes my nephews because I am on his accts.

Because there is a spouse involved, you may need an Elder Lawyer to split their assets. She is entitled to 50% of assets. As a Community Spouse she gets to stay in the home and receive enough of their monthly income to live on.
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PEMdaughter Sep 24, 2024
My step mom moved money in her name only. I have no access to it. I do not want to do anything more than to relieve her and the neighbors that are burdened. I can not care for him so I want to get him somewhere safe.
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In Australia, there are Returnable Accommodation Deposits (RAD), Daily fees the same for everyone, and means tested Daily fees. The RAD can also be taken as a Daily Accommodation Payment (DAP) which is 8.5% of the RAD which is usually $3.5-$5.5k and going to $7.5k soon. Dad has gone into care. For my folks the total fortnightly costs were more than their income, so they are eating into assets and the family home has had to be sold, Mum has moved into a smaller house.
So my point is Step Mum may need real help in understanding the costs and impact. It's part of being a couple. Very tough reality. Either escape from it, work with your step Mum n Dad with no expectations about inheritance, or it sounds too late for your Dad to divorce for lack of support like my Uncle did at 85 years. Best wishes.
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Toughpatch1 Sep 29, 2024
Sorry that is $350,000- $550,000 and going to $750,000 if you are a self funded retiree.
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PEMdaughter:

Thanks for being responsive to our comments.
You have a serious problem on your hands here.
You are POA, and stepmom hold the assets of the marriage and hold them secret.
Honestly you cannot function this way.
You also respond to us that stepmom has MOVED all assets into her name.
I almost hope so, because then your dad is indigent and can get get help of the government for payment for care, and stepmom won't lose her assets (as she surely would otherwise. Only about 100,000 of assets can be kept for the well spouse.

I would say you have a serious serious problem. You are POA but cannot apply for Medicaid because you cannot get financial records. Step mom is marriage to him but doesn't want him in care taking mutual assets.

This is a mess, and I can't see how you can handle it. You may legally need to resign your POA, and give over guardianship to the state if step mom won't be guardian and you can't house and manage your dad.

This is one of the worst quandaries I have seen on AC. I can only say this. You need an attorney. I do not see how a lay person can possibly handle this.

I sure wish you the best of luck and I sure hope you update us as to what you manage to do here. It's a terrible shame that you and Stepmom cannot work together to get him placed and help manage her portion of the assets, but the laws as they are written will want to take her assets she needs for her own likely oncoming care needs.
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If you are power of attorney then you can get all those ..anything you want actually except medically .. unless you have medical power of attorney as well .. power of attorney trumps wife .
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AlvaDeer Sep 29, 2024
She can't get control of an account that is joint assets of her dad and step mom.
She cannot easily get IRS records
She cannot easily get old bank statements for accounts in step mom's control.
She honestly cannot get almost anything she needs to get him qualified for Medicaid alone.
So it isn't true. Step mom has apparently already been emptying accounts he is on and there's little she can do about this if they are in Dad and Stepmom's name. This is a very complicated problem she has. I sure wouldn't want it on my plate.
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