It has been a long time since we started this journey...we have seen several Dr. and neurologist to find out if husband really has this awful disease, at least four, each time the Dr. confirms he does, but we have never been told what dementia type it is.
The one that was adamant that husband is fine, spoke to him for about 10 minutes and said...He isn't demented, he is fine! He wanted to know who said he was with dementia, and when I told him he claimed she was wrong, Oh, she is wrong!
That was a few years ago, and we have since seen other Dr. that say different...we just had a visit with one that gave the best report of how and why in his behaviors, so the other morning we were having coffee, and the discussion came to the dementia, I said well, you know you have it and there are things we need to talk about, husband became upset and said, No, I don't, I asked him no what? He repeated that he does not have dementia...I asked him who told him that, and he went back to the one Dr. that told him so.
All this time I thought he had accepted the diagnosis, but guess not.
I have been through all the delusions, with his violent outbursts, and threats, came so close to calling 911, and was told I should have, and have been checking on things I need to have in place...people say I am in danger, I am trying to speed up the process of finding options, he has always been controlling, and manipulating, things that have taken me so many years to realise...it has been hard for me to see that I need to take care of me first...and am now...finally doing that.
I now know that he could harm me, so it is time to look into placement, a hard thing to do, but we do what we have to in order that no one is hurt in these situations, no matter how hard it is.
What would you do?
Start settling record. Next one might be 2 days later, be strong , call again. The record is starting and your husband might need to be taken to ER might have a UTI, and at that point you get in the radar of the system.
my mother was same way when she started. 911 saved me several times.
They will ask you for his behavior, be ready to explain. Don’t do it in front of him.
If he’s starting first symptoms, please save yourself and do not keep telling him he has dementia. Certain characters reject that until the end. His behaviors will show others very clearly. You will not have to speak much. Please don’t tell him he has it.
Go with the flow
Keep yourself safe.
Onlywhenlucid
Thank you so much...
Yes, I agree, if it were me, I would place him. If nothing else for your safety and overall well-being...this is a progressive disease...he will only get worse. Keep moving forward on your plan!
Not sure why all these neurologists can pinpoint which type. If your husband has violent tendacies, then it may be Lewy Body which effects the frontal lobe where emotions are. It really isn't important which type, they seem to all follow the same symptoms. Your husband realizes that things aren't just right, he just won't admit it.
Yes, you need to protect yourself. My GFs father had a violent episode at his AL. So bad, the staff locked themselves and residents in the conference room. He was in his late 80s and through a desk top computer and did other damage. The police were called and he was sent to a Psychiatric Hospital to an eval and for drugs to help.
I agree, if you feel threaten you need to call 911. He could hurt you. Then you start the process of Medicaid to get him into LTC. It will all depend on you assets. They will be split with you needing to spend down his split. You will keep the home and a car. You will not be made impoverished. My GFs Mom seemed to be OK when her Dad needed long term care.
Thank you
Now, learning to play to her moods, if she’s agitated having a bad day I limit my visit at AL home. When she talks about having roommates only she’s aware of I listen. What I do not do is mention the “D” word. Life has become much simpler for all letting her believe her world as she sees it.
For me having her in a safe, clean environment,
where she is well taken care of far out weighs trying to convince her that her abilities are not as as she sees them.
This place we are on is so needed.
It's always here for us...