It is very hard for me to be their caregiver because I have trouble understanding emotions and communicating with others. I am not able to recognize their needs and feelings. I am the son that lives near and actually do some help with appointments and errands. Dad and mom always believed I was a shy person not realizing I am struggling with this all my life. Dad gets upset when I am not in touch, even when I say I like to be alone. I had to lie to them when I go to therapy, I say it is a routine medical visit. If I tell my parents they will believe I am mentally ill, even I am afraid they will tell everyone.
I know that you can grow up aspie and have people around you never acknowledge it. My father I am sure had Asperger's. He kept to himself and didn't bond with anyone but my mother. He was successful in his job, though. If you were to ask my mother, she would say nothing was wrong. He just didn't like being around people. She never worried about his not bonding with his children. They lived 65 years together and she never thought anything was off at all. I have a brother who is very much like his father, but again my mother says he is just quiet. I understand how your parents don't recognize things.
My only recommendation is to decide what you can and can't do for them. For example, maybe you could do things like taking them to the store or doctor's, but maybe you can't get involved in their day-to-day lives. It is the same advice I would give anyone thinking of being a caregiver.
If your parents don't accept you have Asperger's, I wouldn't force it too much on them. The term didn't even exist in their day, so it would probably strike them as crazy and futuristic. I would set limits on what I could do and help them arrange services if their needs exceed what you can do for them.
Like any adult child who is facing the role of caregiver for their parents, you have to determine what you are or are not willing and able to do. In the same way that someone with a herniated disc would be smart to get help with any task that would involve lifting their parent, you should assess which tasks you are not up to and get help with them. It can be that simple.
Please know you can and should be seeking outside care for your parents.. Like every caregiver we get to a point when our lived ones care become overwhelming and we need to step back and let the professionals take over.
Good luck..
Could you tell us a little more about their situation? I see they are living at home, do they have the financial resources to hire a care manager? Any other family near-by whom they trust? Is your address Puerto Rico? I don't know if there is a huge difference in the medical system there compared to here (in Iowa). We have an Area Agency on Aging to call for assistance.
Do you have a hard time calling your parents? I do and sometimes I have a hard time going to visit them, even though I am not diagnosed with Asperger's.
You are not alone; I hope you have at least one person to whom you can turn to for support. The people on this site will always be willing to help, so if is easier for you to come here than to talk to people in person, come here as often as you want. Peace and good wishes!
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