The cat has to go...and I hope my mom doesn't hate me for it. Any advice?
My moms cat got sick a year ago. We took her to the vet and she has brain cancer (tumors) the vet predicted. So for a whole year, the cat has just been spinning in circles. She gets spooked and runs around like a lunatic for any noise (like if I rip open an envelope). The cat for some reason loves to jump like she's startled OUT of the liter box so that cat liter goes everywhere.
My mom has been feeding the cat constantly for a year. My sister moved in with her cat and the cats do not get along. So there's a whole routine of keeping one cat in a bedroom while the other cat ran around the house and they took turns.
My mom is considerably worse than she was a year ago. I think she forgets the cat is in the back room and she forgets to feed her. She doesn't clean up after herself very good any more and doesn't clean up after the cat much either.
I think it's time to put the cat down. I made an appointment with the vet to do it in 10 days. The receptionist just looked at me like I'm a bad person...or maybe I just feel guilty.
I don't think the cat has a good life and my mom doesn't seem to enjoy the cat anymore, doesn't check on her much or anything. But I'll be honest, I don't want to have to take care of a sick cat AND my mom. I am highly allergic to cats and have asthma. Still I'm cleaning up cat vomit and a stinking liter box. I don't think it's hygienic either. The liter box is in the laundry room right next to the kitchen.
But I dread telling my mom that I had her cat put down. She made it clear a year ago she wouldn't put the cat down just because it was an inconvenience for her. The cat would still sit in my moms lap at times but now the cat just stays in the back room sleeping, eating, running around in circles or kicking cat liter around.
My mom has always been a cat lover and I'm glad my sisters cat is there, so at least one cat will still be running around the house.
So what do you guys think? Okay to put the cat down?
16 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Mother, dementia and cats. Any advice on what to do?
- My mom feeds my dogs. They’re constantly sick, keeping me up at night. I have to physically lock them up when I leave the house. Any suggestions?
- How do I take my mom's dog away from her? She has dementia and is not taking care of him properly.
- How to avoid or what to say to my mother when she brings up the subject of getting another dog?
You will know when is the right time to take the cat to the Vet. This is never an easy decision. When that time comes, I believe the best "therapeutic fib" would be that the cat passed away in its sleep. That way Mom won't be pointing a finger at you later on for putting the cat down.
And just for the record- I actually do like cats. I just don't want to care for a sick cat on top of all the other responsibilities that I have.
Thank you all for your input though!!! When I do put the cat down, i will not lie to my mom about it. Although i believe the therapeutic lying is ok, in this case I don't want her outside looking for the cat. She might do that anyway. She thinks she has 3 or 4 cats when there has only been 1 or 2 for several years.
I think you will be surprised at how quickly or infrequently your Mom asks about the kitty if you can simply put the cat down.
With my Mom, who has end stages of dementia, I used to often struggle over how to explain things or palliate things so they "wouldn't upset her". I came to realize that My stress over how to do so was far more than my Mom's reaction. Also, most often she would simply change the subject or drop the question if I said "I'll check on that" or I'll find out (about what happened to the kitty) and let you know".
Sometimes simply an answer will satisfy my Mom....she doesn't have the ability to hold onto the thoughts and be able to follow-up later like someone who still has a clear thought process. Time has become meaningless....she can ask about something, I respond "I will find out and let you know", she says "OK", and she might ask again about the same thing 10 minutes later. I respond again in the same manner, and so on. But, even though we get in the continual loops at times of question/ answer/ question, she is just as likely to never bring up the subject again!
If you do have the cat put down, I would make certain to remove all reminders of it...food bowls, litter, etc....and caution visitors not to ask about the cat. Unwanted reminders can trigger a frustrating cycle of questions.
I just had to put my cat of 20 years down a month ago. Once an animal is afflicted with a disease affecting the brain, the quality of life spirals downward quickly and this can't be pleasant for the poor kitty. My cat started the "circling", would run into things, get lost (and most probably frightened), would scatter litter.....and we determined that he was most probably going blind in addition to having the incessant circling behavior. His life had transitioned from one of quality and enjoyment to a frustrated and possibly painful existence.
I hope this helps in some way. I've found that taking control over a situation that I know would be (in the best of circumstances) difficult for all involved is challenging.....but You are now in the process of flipping the roles of care with your Mom. It is not easy. But the stress of this situation....a sick cat with Mom deteriorating to the point she is unable to adequately care for it.....is something your Mom would never want. She would not want the cat to suffer if she was able to clearly understand the situation. And she would not want you to bear the burden of it all!
Rainmom- I have a golden child brother too! Maybe he will take the sick kitty. He loves to swoop in from out of town every 3-4 months and do no wrong. ;-)
So yeah the Vet diagnosed the cat the best she could without expensive tests and clearly said, there is no cure. The cat will only get worse, not better. This week the receptionist pulled up the record and did not really say much, but with her eyes made me feel bad. And maybe it's just me feeling bad anyway.
I don't think it's fair to ask anyone to take the cat, truthfully. And I don't know if anyone would. I mean the cat really only walks a straight line when it's frightened and runs out of fear. Otherwise, she just moves in circles. It's sad. I don't know how old the cat is. It's not a kitten for sure. My mom has had her maybe 10 years.
I'm a little worried that if I say I don't know what happened to the cat or say she ran off, my mom will look for her. But today at her appointment she wasn't able to tell the dentist how many daughters she has so I am probably overestimating her awareness.
Thanks again for your help everyone!!! So nice to have a place to vent and ask advice.
And this is just the best forum for venting. There isn't always an answer, but there are so many people suffering and dealing and there are great hints to dealing with things.
No. Kitty wasn’t cute. Kitty was a demon. My mother just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t agree to take Kitty in when she moved into a nursing home.
No worries! My brother - The Golden Child agreed to take Kitty. As it was, my brother had three other cats - two of which were Kitty’s siblings. Brother also had the No Rules philosophy. So, happiness all around, right?
Well - not quite. By this time Kitty was about 8 years old and had become very use to being an “only” cat and getting his way. The last straw came when Kitty peed all over the keyboard of my sil’s laptop. It was ruined. So after a 17 months of giving it The Old College Try - Kitty went to a “no-kill” shelter.
Good thing my mother had passed five months earlier. The shock would have killed her and my brothers “Golden” status would have been lost forever.
But “all’s well that ends well”. Kitty was adopted within a week at the shelter. Not that long ago Kitty’s new parents passed on a message through the shelter to my brother. Kitty was doing just fine - back to being a spoiled “only” cat.
Moral of my story? Don’t put the cat down unless he is CONFIRMED to be ill and in pain. Take him to a No-Kill shelter and let him have a shot at a new forever home.
My Mom has moderate to advanced dementia and will ask me about my 2 brothers who passed away (she forgets that they passed away) and I tell her the truth and she appreciates that.
I think people with dementia can tell when someone is lying to them or being honest. Just because their brain is broken doesn't mean they can't sense the truth.
Blessing to your cat and I wish the best for all of you,
Jenna
I think its time. Mom may not even miss him. If she asks, just say he is sleeping or even say, he died in his sleep.
"You know Mom he had those brain tumors and died in his sleep".
You may luck out and she won't bring the subject up.
Explain you understand how hard this is for all involved, and for you yourself as well, and that you are thankful there is another kitty to receive all the love she has to give.
I honestly often wish that what is available to our loved animals when they are suffering were available to us, but it is not; we do the best we can.
You have another cat there.
That cat doesn't need to suffer.
Some people with dementia find stuffed animals therapeutic.
I love cats, by the way. Poor old puss, give it extra love and some shellfish. Will the vet come to you or will you have to do the Walk of Death?