She had been doing good on level three at the house then they kept her up all night poking her doing bloodwork. They said she was dying, but still was aware, awake and managed to talk her in to morphine. They said it was to help her breathe. Then Ativan, nurse said comfort care but did not explain any thing to us. I'm the oldest. They said they were coming back in two hours but came back sooner and gave her more Ativan then her heart dropped to 49. She quit breathing and died. I feel like she would lived without those doses of meds that seemed to stop her heart?
I am sorry you had to experience witnessing an uncomfortable death and the frequency of the nurse interventions in a way, tells me that the outcome was not what she was going to experience.
So focusing on your question about would she have lived longer without the ativan. Maybe a little longer in minutes or hours. However she would have truly suffered more without. You would have witnessed something even more horrific in her suffering.
Morphine is given for pain, distress, discomfort AND BREATHING. It is a medication often given to assist breathing. The ativan may have been given to lessen her distress and restlessness in the dying process, and it helps with nausea often. If hospice was there I am sorry anyone thought it necessary to get blood work at this point. And the fact they could NOT get any means your Mom's veins were already collapsing with or without any meds on board.
I am so sorry that people so often see the comfort meds bring the dying as the the thing that killed them. It is so sad that the single GOOD thing here has now been relegated to an enemy. But, be that as it may, I again am so sorry for this loss. Often the grieving want something or someone to be angry at as it avoids the having to look the final loss straight in the eyes and deal with the final pain.
I hope you find comfort in the joy of your life with your Mom and in the fact she had medication to help her through the pain of the final passage from life we must all take. I wish you peace within. She would want that for you.
While hospice meds may cause death to arrive some seconds, minutes, hours, even few days early, it is not the cause of death.
I am sorry for your loss.
Yes, the drs and nurses could often be much more forthcoming in their communications with family. Maybe they felt that you'd already been informed as to what Hospice does and what its goal is.
I know when my FIL died, it was the DR who asked if he could administer something to help dad breathe more comfortably. DH and SIL said "Oh, please". Only I knew what he was doing, which was essentially giving FIL such a huge dose of morphine that his breathing stopped within minutes. The 'kids' were astonished, and kind of clueless both.
In the end, it was the most humane act of kindness I've ever witnessed.
No, the kids were not really prepared for this, and maybe the dr should have said it differently, but he did tell them that dad wasn't going to live out the day and this was to provide comfort.
Without this, FIL might have had a few more hours of literal pain, as he gasped for air.
While I am sorry you seemed to have been caught off-guard in this situation--would you want your mom back in that condition and misery?
I hope you can process this as your grief. Trust me, a peaceful death is what we all hope for.
Morphine is given for ease of breathing and pain. Ativan is given for anxiety that happens when people are dying. Your Moms body just shut down. Meds are for comfort care so the person can pass in peace.
It also sounds like your mom was dying regardless, and yes sometimes the medications will hasten death, but regardless the outcome would have been death whether it came sooner or later.
So while I know your mourning the loss of your mom, try looking on the positive side that she didn't have to suffer in her final days.
May God bless you and keep you.
Michael, I'm sorry for your loss.
I would like to mention something about communication. Often, we, the loved ones of the sick or dying, don't know what questions to ask of doctors or hospice. Or when we hear something we don't want to hear, we transpose it to mean something else entirely. Example: Dad had an operation for cancer, and the surgeon told us that the outlook wasn't good. We asked how long Dad had left, and he said didn't know, but we should talk to the oncologists. His father, he said, had the same cancer, and he lived for about 6 months after diagnosis. I understood that he was only telling us what had happened with his own father but that it might not apply to my dad. The relative who was there with me, though, was elated that my dad would have six months to live. That's the way she heard it. FOR SURE, she thought Dad had 6 more months, but that wasn't what the surgeon meant to convey. He'd said HE DIDN'T KNOW, but my relative didn't even hear that part. This miscommunication caused some problems, including denial, later.
the meds they gave your Mom were definitely for comfort care. My Mom was in Hospice for two years and is back on Palliative Care. She has the same meds as your Mom had and is on 3 Liters of O2 24/7.
Hospice explained to me that the orders are written so they can increase meds to keep her comfortable when her end of life comes. It is hard to be in your position but it sounds as if your Mother died peacefully.
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