What to do when you're unable to divert their attention and their anxiety just ramps up?

I agree with you that an anti-anxiety med is overdue. Your mom's not happy feeling the way she does and you've reached the end of your rope. It's time to try something new and hopefully a light dose of an anti-anxiety medication will help your mom.

Day from h*ll yesterday!
I took her to the doctor (feigning it was for me...and she was along for the ride) and the doctor's assistant said 'is she a danger to herself or others?' Well, gee whiz... let me think here... um, she has mod-sev dementia so you tell me... but I was NOT sarcastic. I just said, well, she gets aggravated and says she's going to throw something at me or kill herself, but you know how it is......
Well, apparently, they DON'T.
They said I have to (HAVE TO) take her to the EMERGENCY ROOM for a psych evaluation at this point, they will give her NO anti-anxiety meds, and basically if I do not comply and take her, then the POLICE will be AT HER HOME promptly at 5:00 pm to take her themselves.
Great!
So, complying because I'm not stupid, I say to mom, we gotta stop by the hospital for a few, I'm sorry....
So we get there, they put the wrist band on her. We sit for 2-1/2 HOURS waiting in the waiting room in emergency. FINALLY we get into triage. Now, mind you, she is arguing and bickering (THIS WOMAN NEVER GETS TIRED) over and over with me as I am trying to agree, ignore, re-direct... nothin's working. So finally we are in triage... we got there around 2:00.... they saw us at around 4:00pm. They tell her to put on a gown, ha ha as if she can do this alone nobody has a clue in this place... and I help her with the gown, they get her on the bed, now they take her to the bathroom (good idea, I think, let's check for a UTI) - meantime someone comes in to put an IV in her... Now, mind you - there is NOTHING physically wrong with mom. we are only here because the DOCTOR SAID we have to come for a psych evaluation because mom said, two days ago, "I'll get a gun and kill myself!" Well, let's see. First of all, she can't dial a phone. Second of all, she has no car. Third of all, she wouldn't know where to get a gun, and most importantly, 4th, SHE HAS DEMENTIA! She forgot what she even said FIVE MINUTES after she said it. This is DEMENTIA! It is a Wild Beast! You cannot compare this to a 17 year old Senior saying the same thing and getting the psych evaluation. It's apples and oranges. But damn protocol probably baselined this visit to the ER for mom. So at this point - after about 5-1/2 HOURS there sitting around, she has missed her coffee and afternoon snack and is getting edgy. She has none of her Buspar or Lexapro in her system. She's over it. And frankly, so am I. She tries to get out of the bed to get her clothing because - remember - she's not "sick"! She wants to go to Marshalls! TJ Maxx! Ice cream! Get out of here! Well, I say to her, "Do you remember saying you want to kill yourself and you're getting a gun? Cuz that is what put us here." She responds, "Are you crazy?" Her doctor hasn't the faintest clue what dementia even is. She has no recollection of saying it. you can't Baker Act or threaten a person like her - just prescribe her some damn anti-anxiety meds already! What is so hard to understand??? Why is it I know more about dementia than HE does? At this point, the nurse comes in and won't let her out of the bed in triage. No Miss Mary you must lay back down! You are a fall risk! This means nothing to mom. She's like get your hands off me are you out of your mind? There is nothing wrong with me! So great. Bravo. Now we've agitated her. (And who could blame her?) Next thing I see as mom is yelling at the nurse (screaming at her) - is a burly guy BIG guy with blue gloves on at her doorway. Oh this is priceless. Here we go. Everyone take a seat; the show is about to start! Long story short, I am this close to tears at this point and beg them all to let her sit up and leave her be. I AGAIN explain we just need an anti-anxiety med so she can relax enough to accept a caregiver. Finally, through the grace of whatever God there is, they listen. Thank God. I get a script for Seroquel - 25 mg. We are trying it. Today? I went over to the house. Gave her her meds. I asked mom - "Do you remember going to the hospital yesterday?" She looks at me like I have 3 heads. "What hospital??? we were at the mall!" So there ya go. That's what is happening. This woman's body works GREAT for a 92 year old and her brain is turning into gray pudding. Her "TRIGGER" and this dip was perpetuated by her caregiver quitting without notice, and it turned into anger for her. She is now out with her temp caregiver shopping and getting ice cream. In the meantime, I was informed by the doctor's office that I needed to call 1 of the two geriatric psychiatrist referrals he gave me to follow up. Well, guess what. I called the first number and it was out of service. So I googled it, found the right number, they don't even DEAL with dementia patients.... tried the 2nd number, and they aren't even an office that deals with incoming patients! They are some kind of online thing! So guess what. I googled "Dementia Geriatric Psychiatrists" in my area MYSELF and came up with ONE name. A name he never gave me. Longest story in history cut short, I put a call into the doctor and let his asst. know all of this and that I'd really appreciate at least the right information and didn't really appreciate the threat of the cops. I have been complying and basically I found the only geriatric dementia psychiatrist by myself online, and how come HE didn't know that doctor was even on the list? OK, RANT OVER for today.

Wow that was quite a day! I took my mom to a geriatric amd was told to take her to psych ward without even an evaluation. Thank God I wasn't threatened with the police. refused and finally left with a prescription for resperdal. She was already on seraqual which really didn't help. After a few weeks I found another doctor who raised her resperdal dosage. You need to find a doctor who will work with you. Where do you live? Ask around. Maybe someone can give you a recommendation.

Taking mom to a geriatric psy on Monday, okay - unless mom is on their window ledge threatening to jump, if they ask me if mom is a danger to herself - I'll be sweetly answering "no".

Nikki999: Your story is so pathetically funny. As a person who worked in healthcare I can sadly see this all going down as you describe. You need to find another doc for your Mom and it doesn't necessarily need to be a geriatric psych doc. We had to change my Moms' doc because he just didn't get it and we found a family practice doc who's great. He has a very good understanding of dementias and is really working with me to get Mom the best care. So glad we changed.
Bag the doc you have and call around to other docs and see if they have an interest in caring for dementia pts. You'll probably be very glad you did.

Nojoy3, I tried to make it as pitifully funny as I could! It was so long, I didn't want people to stop reading 1/3 of the way through! ;)

I can also say with complete certainty that the nurse, who was wet behind the ears in triage, possessed a voice that most CERTAINLY holds the key to open up one of the 7 gates of Hell.

Nikki,
It's so bizarre that things happen this way. With all the dementia patients that seem to be everyone now days, you would think that people, especially professionals would be informed, but no....it's sad.

Wouldn't you think that orthopaedic doctors would see their fair share of seniors with fall injuries, and that many must have dementia? But, for some reason, many of these professionals don't know the first thing about dementia. Like how keeping a back brace on a dementia patient that is awkward, hot and uncomfortable, might be difficult. And why a dementia patient pulls the wrap off of her fractured hand. It's like I was explaining a foreign language to them. Mind you this is a large practice and they see many patients.

Nikki,
I'm not sure how they adjust her mom's meds, but my cousin was quite miserable with anxiety, depression and pain, until she went on Cymbalta. It's a daily med for anxiety, depression and pain. It was a miracle for her. You might look into it or ask the doctor about it. I can't say how much better she became after starting it.

Ironically, it was an orthopedic doctor who pulled me aside and told me that I needed to place my mother where she could get 24/7 care. He explained to me that I could not work and take care of her anymore. He was the one who signed the official papers for me to get my mother VA Aid and Attendance.