Well looks like the memory care unit we (I) picked ended up being my worst choice. Father wanders and I was assured they would watch after him. Well he got out of the fire exits multiple times in a very short time frame. I won't go into great detail but the whole experience was awful. Basically short staffed in the area he was staying. I was told the doors were locked. I felt like it would not work out and should have listened to my gut. They were the only place that did not have a waiting list... the reasons are now obvious. We did the right thing only for it to turn out so bad.
Have him back home and lost where to start again. Getting him into the other place took a lot out of us. We've been left high and dry by the "senior placement advisor". No calls or anything.
He is use to going outside and doesn't like to be locked in even at home. He can be mean to say the least. We just mentally and physically can't do this but want to find a place that will keep him in. Do not want a redo of the previous facility.
Where can we start? Who can we talk to? What do I ask to make sure they can keep him in? Honestly I don't know who to trust anymore. Someone working at the facility told me he now had it on his "record" and we would not be able to find a place. I'm worried so much.
(Yes I am using a new profile, could not reset password for old one).
When I worked at a national chain memory care AL, it was set up the same way. The residents living area opened up to locked doors to the lobby reception area. Only the receptionist could buzz someone through those doors once they were viewed on camera. The residents living area had no outside access at all, except for the outdoor garden area.
Nobody likes the thought of being "locked in" nor does anyone like the thought of suffering from brain damage that requires being locked in for their own safety. Dementia is a lose-lose proposition for all concerned, in reality, so we make decisions based on the best of a bunch of not-so-great choices.
Go look around at a few Memory Care Assisted Living facilities in person that will show you what their security measures are. Do not take their word for anything. Also pick a facility that has locks on EACH RESIDENTS APARTMENT DOOR, that locks others OUT but not them INSIDE. That way, you are keeping wanderers out of dads room and out of "borrowing" his belongings. Or sleeping in his bed when he's not around, etc.
No MC facility that has PROPER security intact is going to label your father a problem child with an escape record since you will make it clear the place he was Living in was NOT SECURE in the first place! Had he not required such a thing., you wouldn't have placed him there to begin with.
Don't let anyone cow you here! They were wrong, you were not. Your father did what most people with dementia DO: he tried to wander. No shock there. The shock is that he was able to! 😑 Any decent MC facility knows that proper security is basic for all residents safety, and never to be compromised or shortchanged. People's lives are at stake!
Wishing you the best of luck with all of this. I know how hard the whole situation tends to be.
The health problems like being mean a doctor can put him on something that will help with that. I know this for a fact they can put them on medication because my BIL was put on medication for that. He can get mean and he doesn't know how strong he is especially when they can't remember like him. Being an escape artist that place where you had him can be turned in for allowing him to escape. That isn't on him or you its on the facility where he was.
I would search for another memory care that has something like what my BIL is in to make sure he doesn't get out. At the place where my BIL is they take the one that can walk out to place like Walmart to buy items they need. They also go to other places. At the facility there is an outdoor area that is fenced in where relatives could take them out too.
When we started to look for a place for my BIL we visited the area NH and when he fell he was placed in the one that we wanted him in. He has been there now for 9 months.
The best thing is VISIT these NH to see what they have for security. And yes put him back in one because you can't do it alone. I know we couldn't do it alone anymore, we had ring cameras in his apartment where they would let us know what he is doing also we had to call him everyday for him to make meals, take his meds, and anything else he needed. There were just 3 of us watching him inside his apartment but he still had free rein to go outside and walk to places we couldn't stop him. A fall took him out of his apartment to the hospital to the NH. It did the thing we couldn't do because he wouldn't have gone on his own.
Best of luck finding a place. Prayers
I would also talk to his doc about something to calm him down a smidge.
It's a lot more work for you, but you can do it. Sorry you had a bad experience. While he's home with you, maybe get some aides over to help with him.
In terms of the placement person, there is not much you can do because you are the one who decided which facility to place your father. My placement person did the same thing to me. When I asked for her help in getting back $1,500 that the owner ripped off from me, she disappeared. I found her on Yelp and posted it on there.
So sorry this has happened. And wish there was a magic answer I could come up with.
Most facilities are very good. A few years back I heard of a resident in a facility north of where I live who got out of their Memory Care and was walking along the highway before they caught up with her. That is terrifying to think about. It was a very expensive facility too!
My mom tried walking out of the front door several times. Her neurologist gave her Ativan and Seroquel and she stopped trying to escape.
I hope that you are able to find a suitable facility soon for your dad.
I am worried about their property. That the state will just come in and take over. Sell off all their assets and leave my Mother without a home or anything to support herself. Is this possible?
Do Elder Care Lawyers specialize in this type of situation? We really need guidance. Legal and finding him a new place. Things are not getting better of course only worse.
There are lots of elders in managed care in wheelchairs and on hospice.....no more so in Memory Care than Skilled Nursing I don't think. As dementia advances, so does mobility issues and falls, hence the need for wheelchairs. Most MCs will have elders at varying stages of dementia and dad can be seated or paired up with others who are where he's at, cognition wise. That's what a good facility director does.....take each residents situation and needs into consideration. Combined with a good geriatric psychiatrist who can get his meds right, he should be all set. If he needs to be sent to the hospital for a psych evaluation, that's not the end of the world either bc there he can be properly evaluated and medicated accordingly. If he's very aggressive and NOT medicated properly, he'll cause issues wherever he goes. If it's just the wandering/elopement issues at stake, a good MC with proper security will eliminate that worry. Not one resident escaped moms MC in the 3 yrs she lived there.
So sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. As my college roommate told me after seeing her dad with Alzheimers, this is tough stuff.
See All Answers