My mom (84) has lived with me (60) and my wife (56) for the last 5 years She was living alone So I, being the good son I, moved her in. And my wife was her caregiver for all those 5 years. Up until last Thursday when i got a call at work that she had left me under the stress of 5 years of being told your stupid get me this get me that do this don't do that among other horrid things.
Me and my wife love each other deeply and our marriage will survive If i can just find a place for Mom.
Hello mother, goodbye me.Goodbye us and our marriage I don't even know this angry, frustrated, and burned out man I see in the mirror. I just want to have my life back without guilt. I am the the only son left my brother passed away Oct of last year
I don't like this person I've become. How can I be this bitter? My mom has always loved me. She's been a good mom. So how can I resent her so much?
She can still get around with a walker but she won't. She sits in her chair and refuses to do anything for herself. She wants me to serve her - period. She won't eat at the table, she wont go outside, she just sits in her chair and when I come home from work she expects me to wait on her
My marriage can be saved but i just don't know what to do with mom. Funds are only 915 a month that's it with blue cross/medicare. She cant get Medicaid because she is in my home and they go by household income.
This is all new to me and i am lost as to what to do She is in the hospital right now and i am trying to have her placed into a nursing home medicare will cover 3 months and i can apply for her Medicaid then because she will be out of the home.
But i am getting this sick feeling that they are going to release her back onto me ruining any chance to get my wife back and put our marriage back together. I am met at every turn with six to eight waiting lists at places she can afford to live on her own. help i am losing my sanity and my hope
Judy is a loving and giving woman right now she is seeing to my late brothers wife and her needs as she is recovering from a total hip replacement. And she made a promise to her and my late brother that she would take care of her until she is able to drive and get the things she will need food Dr. app. etc,,,
My wife was a gift to me from God she has told me many times we are soul mates and this time away from her has made me see that she is right I love her deeply and miss her so bad it hurts but she made a promise and i am okay with that, It shows me what a great woman God has brought to me
Cmagnum is right o be so outraged. Me, too.
At the same time, We have to remember two things:
1) she may have some dementia;
2) she is probably really angry/frightened about having to move.
Remember the story of my first husband--when forced to function for his own welfare, he surprised us all and did so. If she is not mentally impaired, she will probably do the same.
Will she have a land or cell phone?
That is very nice that your wife is helping your SIL while also helping herself to getting away from it all. I hope it will not be too much longer before she can return. You two need to be a connected team through this whole journey.
I hope you have some friends that you can do things with to help distract your mind away from mom and the house being empty.
I hope that you can use this time while you're apart
to make your home a really special welcoming place
for her to come home to.
Perhaps you could get her some really special bath/shower
stuff. Body lotion whatever you can to help this lovely lady
feel valued & pampered.
She's spent so much time caring for others, it would be lovely
to hear that your finding ways to care for her when she comes
home again.
Take care & good luck to you.
I hope you & Judy have a wonderful time for the rest of your time together.
Sadly it won't be plain sailing, but at least you know that you've come through too much ever to founder.
Bless you both, use this time apart to take care of you too :~)
Then just don't ever stop dating. Hugs, Lucy
I am going to be smiling and chuckling about this for weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good for you for taking action. Good for Judy for saying: enough, already.
Please stay in touch and give us updates.
Enjoy!
The hospital CAN NOT just discharge her to home without a care plan in place. If you can not care for her, then they have to find her a place....go visit some and help make a good a choice as you can. She won't be happy but she will be cared for and she will find a new normal...and plan infrequent visits at first so that she can get in the swing of the staff and rules at the facility.
His mom is in a new house, not the hospital.
Even the Bible says to leave ones father and mother and cleave to each other. Keep up the leaving and the cleaving just don't confuse who is the object of which verb.
I hope you are still seeing your therapist for I'm sure from experience that the ongoing journey is going to need this.
Take care, and I wish you and your awesome wife the very best!
Ole mom has tried to foil this from happening but I have stood firm and strong in my mission to never let anyone or anything to ever come between my and my wife ever again. Again THANK YOU ALL...
That is so great!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for getting back in touch with us. I must say that yours was the quickest turn-around that I have ever read of. You really made it happen. Big pat on the back.
Remember that your mom is not going to get younger. Just older. And you may have to intervene again at some point. But also remember that we will still be here cheering you on and sharing our experiences.
Best of luck . Enjoy!!!!!!
Took a while :~) but looks like a lesson learned.
Despite the fact you're standing up to Mum now, don't
forget not to take this lovely lady for granted ~ keep dating her!
Seriously, great to read such good news and thanks for the update.
Awesome and powerful words to live by. No marriage needs a third person in the middle, even if it is mom or dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Continue to make sure your mom is safe and cared for but primarily love the one your with and will be with after your mom dies, Your Wife!
God bless and keep in touch to let us know you are still on this healthy path!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so happy for you and your wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe you should have a renewal of your vows and go on a second honeymoon! At least a second honeymoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any/everything gets stale if just kept on basic nutrients but in busy lives it's all to easy to forget.
Remember to take care of you too.
Just got a fab t~shirt in charity (thrift) shop, I don't generally go for slogans but could not resist "Remember to be awesome!"
Us carers are, sometimes (90% of the time?) we need to remember we are, and so are our supporting partners.
It seems if I do anything for her she gets pissed off.. Just dont know what to do anymore the stress is still here I just dont know what she wants and when i ask she says nothing her feelings dont matter. NOT TRUE I tell her and show her everyday I am at my wits end and see my marriage slipping away from me.
If your wife will agree, gind a therapist who sees couples. If your wife won't go, see a therapist on your own to regain your own sense of boundaries.
Sounds like a post traumatic MIL stress syndrome where basically everything is triggering bad memories. Emotionally speaking you wife has spent years in war. She's back home, but she needs to detox which is tough under the best of circumstances.
Please see a therapist soon for both of you and at least you, if she want go right now.
Is there anyway to set up your mother's bills on auto pay with the bank? I know this costs some money, but it may buy some peace of mind, but consider having a CPA do your mother's tax return.
Keep in touch. We care.