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8 days will be 1 month since I have been able to hold my wife and I long for the day to hold her once again. Things like this make it easier for me and once she is gone that day of holding my wife will return.

Judy is a loving and giving woman right now she is seeing to my late brothers wife and her needs as she is recovering from a total hip replacement. And she made a promise to her and my late brother that she would take care of her until she is able to drive and get the things she will need food Dr. app. etc,,,

My wife was a gift to me from God she has told me many times we are soul mates and this time away from her has made me see that she is right I love her deeply and miss her so bad it hurts but she made a promise and i am okay with that, It shows me what a great woman God has brought to me
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Dagan, we are all hpoing for the best.

Cmagnum is right o be so outraged. Me, too.

At the same time, We have to remember two things:

1) she may have some dementia;

2) she is probably really angry/frightened about having to move.

Remember the story of my first husband--when forced to function for his own welfare, he surprised us all and did so. If she is not mentally impaired, she will probably do the same.

Will she have a land or cell phone?
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She will have both home and cell phone
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Awesome! Good luck!
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Your life matters. Bless your heart. Do what everyone has said and take the ateps to make sure mother dear goes abywhere but home with you. If she gets mad.....well.....she will just be mad. YOU still have your life to live. And i, too, am a caregiver....everyday...in my home....working full time, and caring for mom so i understand. But yours is quite different. Kudos to your wife and kudos to you for having the guts to share your anguish. Now....do something about it.
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Try to not let your mother get under your skin with her hurtful comments. They are meant to get a rise out of you, create anxiety, anger and a knee jerk reaction, but I would not dignify anything she says with the least bit of outward swet.

That is very nice that your wife is helping your SIL while also helping herself to getting away from it all. I hope it will not be too much longer before she can return. You two need to be a connected team through this whole journey.

I hope you have some friends that you can do things with to help distract your mind away from mom and the house being empty.
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Her comment strikes me as her thinking that she could have manipulated your brother more successfully. Don't take it personally--she's the one who blew what could have been a blessing.
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Your wife sounds like a fabulous lady.
I hope that you can use this time while you're apart
to make your home a really special welcoming place
for her to come home to.
Perhaps you could get her some really special bath/shower
stuff. Body lotion whatever you can to help this lovely lady
feel valued & pampered.
She's spent so much time caring for others, it would be lovely
to hear that your finding ways to care for her when she comes
home again.
Take care & good luck to you.
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Thank you Lucy my wife is awesome and i will pamper her everyday for the rest of my life
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That's so sweet! She surely deserves it.
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Well Mom is in her own place and says she loves it. Lets hope she keeps on loving it. My first night alone cant wait to see my wife again It has been a long time and i want oct 3rd to come fast and I can go get my beautiful Judy and bring her home to our house now ......ALONE AT LAST ......
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So glad your Mum is happy, but if she changes her mind, your home is the wrong one!
I hope you & Judy have a wonderful time for the rest of your time together.
Sadly it won't be plain sailing, but at least you know that you've come through too much ever to founder.
Bless you both, use this time apart to take care of you too :~)
Then just don't ever stop dating. Hugs, Lucy
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Your mom loves it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to be smiling and chuckling about this for weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good for you for taking action. Good for Judy for saying: enough, already.

Please stay in touch and give us updates.

Enjoy!
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Do NOT let her come home from the hospital!!! Tell them that you can not care for her. Be strong. Medicare will cover first 20 day 100% and up to next 79 days at 80% ....have where ever she is placed for rehab and skilled nursing begin medicaid application right away. If you have to get a letter from your own doctor about how you are not physically or emotional able to care for her.

The hospital CAN NOT just discharge her to home without a care plan in place. If you can not care for her, then they have to find her a place....go visit some and help make a good a choice as you can. She won't be happy but she will be cared for and she will find a new normal...and plan infrequent visits at first so that she can get in the swing of the staff and rules at the facility.
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Glas half full,

His mom is in a new house, not the hospital.
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Dagan369 - No one should feel compelled to care for another person if it destroys their own life and marriage. Period. Do whatever it takes to get your mom on Medicaid and placed in a N. H. Be a good son and visit her often. That is where the care giving ends. CAREGIVER LIVES MATTER!! One life is NOT more important than another and NO ONE should see their marriage disintegrate in order to give a parent what they want. Move your mother out and then call/beg your wife to see you and 'date' her again and fall in love again with life and each other. Best wishes to you for a happy ending.
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Yes, date your wife.

Even the Bible says to leave ones father and mother and cleave to each other. Keep up the leaving and the cleaving just don't confuse who is the object of which verb.

I hope you are still seeing your therapist for I'm sure from experience that the ongoing journey is going to need this.

Take care, and I wish you and your awesome wife the very best!
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Looooove oldcodgers answer above. WE MATTER TOO, and that is NOT being selfish. It's being real.
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Woo HOOOOO for you and mom. Lord let it STICK!!!!!! AMEN!!!
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okay I picked my wife up on my birthday on the 26th of September. And things are going great we have our home back and life is good. I have to thank all of you who helped me with excellent advice and words of encouragement.

Ole mom has tried to foil this from happening but I have stood firm and strong in my mission to never let anyone or anything to ever come between my and my wife ever again. Again THANK YOU ALL...
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So glad that this is going well, Dagan!
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Oh, Dagan369,

That is so great!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for getting back in touch with us. I must say that yours was the quickest turn-around that I have ever read of. You really made it happen. Big pat on the back.

Remember that your mom is not going to get younger. Just older. And you may have to intervene again at some point. But also remember that we will still be here cheering you on and sharing our experiences.

Best of luck . Enjoy!!!!!!
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Well done you for standing by your wife.
Took a while :~) but looks like a lesson learned.
Despite the fact you're standing up to Mum now, don't
forget not to take this lovely lady for granted ~ keep dating her!
Seriously, great to read such good news and thanks for the update.
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Wow, what a relief that is fantastic news! You certainly made me take inventory of my own marriage and struggles with my parents and have reminded me to do the very things many of us advised and encouraged you to do. I really am so happy for you. God bless you and Judy and keep persevering forward in your reclaimed life. Awesome!
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"my mission to never let anyone or anything to ever come between my and my wife ever again."

Awesome and powerful words to live by. No marriage needs a third person in the middle, even if it is mom or dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Continue to make sure your mom is safe and cared for but primarily love the one your with and will be with after your mom dies, Your Wife!

God bless and keep in touch to let us know you are still on this healthy path!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy for you and your wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe you should have a renewal of your vows and go on a second honeymoon! At least a second honeymoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Great idea CMagnum, if you'd got a loving marriage keep renewing it is my view :~)

Any/everything gets stale if just kept on basic nutrients but in busy lives it's all to easy to forget.

Remember to take care of you too.

Just got a fab t~shirt in charity (thrift) shop, I don't generally go for slogans but could not resist "Remember to be awesome!"
Us carers are, sometimes (90% of the time?) we need to remember we are, and so are our supporting partners.
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I fear things are not going to work out with my wife and I. She just cant seem to let it go and move on with our life even though my mother is in her own place. If i have to do anything for her or she calls me my wife gets pissed off. Tells me nothing has changed she is just not here anymore. It is not true! There are things that i will have to do because there is no one else to do it. Like deal with her bills and see things are paid. Dealing with the people from home care and the V A.
It seems if I do anything for her she gets pissed off.. Just dont know what to do anymore the stress is still here I just dont know what she wants and when i ask she says nothing her feelings dont matter. NOT TRUE I tell her and show her everyday I am at my wits end and see my marriage slipping away from me.
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I am so sorry to hear this, Dagan369. Have the two of you considered relationship counseling? Talking things out with an objective outsider might help.
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Dagan, i would be shocked if sfter the several years of having your abusive mother in your home, there weren't issues that needed to be worked on. Your narriage got broken by stress; it needs repairs. Going forward, your mom will need support from you; that's inevitable with an aging parent.

If your wife will agree, gind a therapist who sees couples. If your wife won't go, see a therapist on your own to regain your own sense of boundaries.
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Dagan, I am sorry to hear this and hope the two of you can work this out which in my opinion needs a specialist in marriage counseling which there are.

Sounds like a post traumatic MIL stress syndrome where basically everything is triggering bad memories. Emotionally speaking you wife has spent years in war. She's back home, but she needs to detox which is tough under the best of circumstances.

Please see a therapist soon for both of you and at least you, if she want go right now.

Is there anyway to set up your mother's bills on auto pay with the bank? I know this costs some money, but it may buy some peace of mind, but consider having a CPA do your mother's tax return.

Keep in touch. We care.
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