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I have been trying to pack but he starts going through boxes then I have to check what he has moved. I am getting upset and that's not fair to him or me. HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. So if I place him I can get stuff done and not be constantly yelling at him. So, it is taking a chance of his getting sick in respite care or difficulty trying to accomplish what needs to be done; any idea which would be better?

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If no cases in facility, I would chose the respite
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Can you take a mini-vacation with him and hire a moving company? I know it is difficult for I just went through our home and it was really difficult. I had to stop what I was doing to attend to his needs, questions etc. It took longer but it got done. No one could downsize for me - and I finally got the items and furniture out of the house and now comes the task of moving all around. I created living space in living room and kitchen and guest bedroom. I am going to be ready if we need to bring a hospice in. I could never tackle a move - I'ld have to hire someone. Let us know how it works.

My husband helped by handing me items and putting dishes into boxes etc. He couldn't tape them up by himself. It is a challenge.
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Put him in respite care. Moving is one of the most stressful efforts. You have to take care of your own needs.
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Two years ago, we needed to move my mom and dad, but mom, with dementia, insisted she was never leaving her home. So Dad and I drove her to my brother's house for 3 days "for a visit" and dropped her off. The movers came and packed everything and moved it into the new house and I set up her room similar to how it had been before. Then we brought her home and she settled right in. It went much smoother than I could have expected. Very thankful to my brother for agreeing to keep her. Do you have any family your husband could stay with for a few days?
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covid is throwing a wrench into everything.. good luck
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Imho, ideally that would be the best course of action IF you can find a place for respite.
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I had similar we were to sell so afraid if he saw for sale sign I’d be a problem so we went to our sons & the house sold in 2 days. Back to our home & daughter came to help pack w all boxes & the works. She packed kitchen & my ALZ hubby slept till 2. We put all boxes in guest rm so he wouldn’t see them. But we forgot to close the door & he saw & asked if we were cleaning out the shed(outside). We said yes & closed the door. In 2 days I needed to get him out of home because daughters/hubby were coming to finish packing & have I haul. I again packed up hubby to sons plus made arrangements for day care during day so I could look for new condo. I bought condo in 2 days & our 4 kids plus spouses & 5 grown grands put everything in our new condo 5 days later. I took my husband in our new place & said this is our new home. He said this is nice. I’m tired so off to the bedroom all made up & he was asleep. Today that probably can’t happen but I’d somehow take him daily to someone’s place so you can pack & think. If the move is close set up enough for caregiver & husband w puzzles or tv what ever he likes. Even a couple boxes he can unpack & pack in another box. It’s worth the $. Ask family for help packing. Can sort on other end. Not easy I know. Don’t be afraid to ask for few hours of help. That’s what friends are for. Peace be w you.
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Make a re-assessment of what needs to be done, and when.

Since hubs is so good at un-packing, move his recliner chair to the new home, with a few boxes first. Have him unpack.
Then go back and pack up your boxes.

Hire a caregiver to come in to pack, or take advantage of the service that moving companies provide..."We pack it all!"

Price of movers doing it all may be less than 'placing him'.

He may get more confused having 3 places-the old home, the respite home, the new home.

Consider stretching out the two home occupancies so they can overlap a few days. 1) You can move-in (come and go), and be able to not close up the old home for a few days. More time to do that stressful and strenuous work.

In the long run, if all the stuff gets moved, who cares which box it gets there in, if you are going to unpack it all anyway? Of course, you will pack up and seal (hide those) the boxes you will need to unpack first.

I have heard, if a person with dementia or alzheimers thinks they have a job, they will do it! So say, we are going to work today. Give him a simple job. Packing the towels and underwear?
Thank him, assist him to tape up the boxes he finished right away.
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Hello,

I understand your frustration. It’s a tough job on top of everything else that needs to be done.

I would be very wary to put your husband in any facility because of the deadly Coronavirus going around.

Maybe he’d be safer if you hired a caretaker for those days your really busy with the move? Or perhaps postpone the move? I wouldn’t take a chance if I were you.

Good luck, stay safe.
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I will soon be going through the same thing you are. I have decided to move us into a senior living apartment, because trying to keep an older home is just too much, something always needs fixing or the yard needs mowing. I've looked into a two bedroom two bath, that way I have my own space and bath. I also plan on sending him to respite (through hospice), but if I need him to stay past the 5 days, I will pay out of pocket. As you have found out, it's hard getting anything done with them home and constantly needing something done for them. I wish you luck with your move and may you have time to rest and get yourself centered.
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If you are moving and you are in charge, do not even attempt to explain anything as he won't get it and he will keep destroying all of your work. Aside from hitting him over the head to stop and that won't work either, I think a respite is a wonderful deed. Just don't tell him any details. Say you are visiting someone, etc. and get him there and then do what you need to do. If he is as bad as he appears to be, I pray you will not let him come into your new home. You will have hell to pay and will not have a life of your own. Place him from the respite so you find some peace and he is cared for. The old days are gone. Now the days should be for you.
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He needs to be cared in such a way to give you time/room for the move and care for him that keeps him safe and "away" until all the changes are completed.

Respite care in a facility is one approach. Home health care aides to focus on him (keep him busy in other areas of your home) while you complete the move is another approach. Check with agencies and facilities in your area to see which will work better for you.
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Much, much easier to have him NOT in the way, as it were as you pack.

My daughter is packing her family of 5 in VA to move to UT. She insisted she did not need my help, so I pulled back and won't go.

NOW she is freaking out b/c the 2 yo unpacks things as fast as she can pack them. She'd LOVE to have me there, keeping this little bug out of everything--but I can't go.

Sounds like DH is a lot like a 2 yo--place him for a few days, make the move and you will be so much more able to handle the change. No need for unnecessary confusion in times like these.
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This is easy. If you can, go for it. I'd risk confusion even. I'd love to be able to put my mother somewhere for a day when we have to have some new appliances hooked up. In the past I hired help to keep her out of the way and occupied when we had two walls painted and had two electrical boxes updated. She was still a nightmare constantly meddling and getting underfoot, literally at their elbows. At one point she locked me out of the house. She's just miserable and the hired help was of zero help. This is probably of little help, but if you can put things in one room, you might want to get a locking doorknob so you can stash stuff and he can't get to it once you're done. We have a couple rooms in our house like that and it is a godsend.
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If the facility is in good shape-No COVOD and your area is lower risk, I’d place him. I can’t imagine how stressful it must be for you and all the difficult emotions with packing to move and dealing with him not understanding and the stress of the COVID situation. {{{{HUGS}}}} and prayers!
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Do it
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I asked at respite they have no covid cases, He has been there before so he could recognize the surrounding. There is no visiting , when he stayed before our son would come to visit but he won't be able to this time.
I tried having him do things but he really doesn't UNDERSTAND. I think his ability Age is that of a 4 year old. He is easily distracted,
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gdaughter May 2020
It's only for 5 days. That will go way too quickly. In the same predicament I would want to use every second to be productive...but I would also want to lie down and take a nap and enjoy the peace and relief!
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Place him, get the job done, and restart your new normal. You'll be able to focus better if you can do the job in front of you rather than be distracted by his behavior while you move. Good luck.
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Normally this would be a no-brainer - yes, much better for him and all-round for him to be spared the moving process.

As things are... what are the infection rates like in your area? Nowhere is completely risk-free, but then again at home your husband will still be encountering people coming and going so he won't be risk-free at home either; and there are places where infection rates are so low they're almost negligible.

Alternatively, do you have a trusted family member who could come and keep him occupied while you continue the packing process? And once you've got a crate inventoried and packed, make sure it's good and sealed, too!

Then there are perhaps jobs you could give him: packing books, wrapping china, organising his tool chest? Try to keep him out of the room where the actual packing is going on.
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