My life 'partner' (I'll call him that I guess) and I were married 30 yrs and had 2 daughters together. Long story short we decided to divorce but remained best friends and together most of time. We decided to remarry but 4wks before our date he had a massive stroke and was in and out of a coma for weeks and even died twice. During this time, our youngest daughter, who had nothing to do with him, all the sudden has a durable POA. He couldn't move, write, and didn't know anything going on around him. Idk how she did it but she did. It’s definitely not his signature and he remembers nothing. Now she has put him in his 4th nursing home, where he is miserable and not cared for and she won’t let him come home for home healthcare. We got our paperwork for him to revoke her POA but the horrid administrator said he can’t because he is in early stage dementia and deemed incompetent. He’s fine though with decision making, long term memory, does math, reads, calls me, etc. Only thing I notice is short term memory is a little lacking and he speaks slower but that’s it. I doubt a psych therapist evaluated him and made that call even, but I’m just considered the ex-wife and can’t see any records or do anything. I’m in disbelief. Help!? I’m in Indiana.
And is there a reason that he's been transferred in and out of 4 different nursing homes? That's a lot. And what type of home care would he be eligible for - and does he have the proper funds and/or health insurance to provide his level of care? These are all questions that you both need to ask to make sure in advance he'd be provided for sufficiently.
Wishing you all the best of luck~
You say "I don't know how she did this, but she did". I think that says it all. You DON'T in fact know what happened during your divorce. She could well have a will with a springing POA which is exceptionally common these days and almost all wills have them. The daughter, now POA, has no obligation to share anything with you. All decisions are hers while your ex husband is judged to not be competent in his own decisions.
We have entered the land of "she said" versus "she said" and it will take a court to investigate and to come up with the truth. This may be very costly as it will involve trying to prove there has been some wrong doing here on the part of the daughter.
I am afraid, when family members cannot get along during the illness and decline of a loved one this is what happens. It is left in the hands of the courts, and those hands often are most reactive to other hands holding the most money and having the most knowledge on how to proceed.
Do start with taking all facts and any documentation to an elder law attorney.
He/she is your best source of options and their COSTS moving forward.
Meanwhile I am so sorry for all involved in these sad circumstances, but I am most sad for the ex husband and father, who is having to witness argument over his now nearly helpless body by those he loves most and would most wish to come together for him in what may be his latter days.
You said in your summary that you both planned to remarry four weeks before his stroke and now you can't even see his medical records or be involved. Well, did you and your partner consider going forward remarrying? You'd have access and make decisions with him, I'd assume.
Again, you should have a consult with an eldercare attorney - it would help you immensely sort this out. He could determine if your partner was competent to sign a POA and creating a new POA would override an existing POA (if in fact, the current POA is even legitimate - it just doesn't make sense because a person can't get a POA while in a coma).
If this is something that "happened" while he was recently hospitalized, what's her motivation for doing this? Does she not want you two to get remarried? There must a reason. DPoA is usually only for medical management, not financial.
Were you planning on being his "home healthcare" plan? Maybe your daughter doesn't think this is the best arrangement for him. There are too many "maybes" and uncertainties in your post. And, we're only getting 1 side of the story. If you think you have evidence of wrongdoing, then take it to an attorney and pay a professional to fight for you to be his PoA.