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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Dear Yatzee, you are not alone in your loneliness. Over 50% of seniors experience loneliness at one time or another. It can be so debilitating and, if not addressed, can have negative health effects. Loneliness is the difference between what you desire socially and what you actually experience socially.
So, I ask you, what is the cause of your loneliness? Do you see others living a "normal" life while you are dedicated to caring for brother and husband and not able to live normally? Do you feel lack of companionship? Do you feel there's no one to talk to? That you're all alone in this caregiving role?
Extended lonliness can affect your health, cause depression, stress, high blood pressure and other ailments. It, like grief, cannot be neglected, worked around or ignored; it must be worked thru. Combating loneliness requires action on your part. Hire a home care agency to stay with the men for a few hours a couple times a week to give you some respite. Take that time to have lunch with friends, go shopping or do something that you like to do. Call a friend and say "I need to talk". Find a dementia support group in your area. There you will be with other caregivers who share their stories, frustrations and advice. You'll find ocassion to laugh there also. Having support is very helpful. Make an appointment with a psychologist who has experience in therapy for loneliness. I wish you well.
I miss someone loving me and caring for me and living life with me. My brother is just old and needs help occasionally but my husband is almost totally helpless. He follows me around like a lost puppy. I do have 5 hours a week where someone comes in twice a week (giving me 2.5 hrs alone) but thats not enough. I need to get away but there isn't anyone to relieve me.
No doubt, dementia is VERY cruel. So sorry you have lost your husband and are left caretaking for someone who does not know you anymore. Just horrible.
I think it is in the normal range to lose your patience from time to time. I can understand feeling guilty but do not beat yourself up too much. What you're doing is HARD. Thankless. Etc etc.
I totally agree that you need more than 5 hours a week to yourself. I would look into putting him in a facility for a week or two for some respite care. Take a vacation! Or have a staycation where you can just take care of you and put your feet up and get out in the world to do things for you.
First of all I'm so sorry for your difficult situation.
Secondly, I disagree with you that you are selfish. IMO, you are NOT selfish. If you were, you'd leave all these burdens behind and moved on with your life and wouldn't look back. Instead, you gave up your health, your happiness, your freedom, your whole self, to care for your sick husband and brother. You are the opposite of selfish.
Lastly, to answer your question "What do caregivers do to combat their own loneliness?" I have a few ideas, and others will have more to offer. See what you may want to try.
Have a pet dog or cat. My dog helped keep me sane when my Alz. mother was driving me mad. Taking my dog out for a walk was one way I got some "me" time.
Join this Agingcare forum for camaraderie. I felt so lonely and unsupported until I found this amazing group of caregivers.
Join a local Alz/Dementia caregiver group. Usually they meet once a week. Not sure about now.
Enroll in a class, in person is better, but if you can't get away, an online class will suffice. There you will find people with something in common, the class subject. You can have social interaction that is so so important to keep your mind sane.
Take up a hobby. My 86 year old aunt knits small blankets, hats, and booties for babies and give them away to whoever wants them, sometimes the local churches, shelters, neighbors, relatives, etc.
Do some gardening. Growing things somehow gives you a purpose and breathes life into you.
Write daily journal. I always feel like I unload a heavy burden once I write my thoughts down.
If you're interested, read spiritual books or pray.
I'm sure others have more ideas to suggest to you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So, I ask you, what is the cause of your loneliness? Do you see others living a "normal" life while you are dedicated to caring for brother and husband and not able to live normally? Do you feel lack of companionship? Do you feel there's no one to talk to? That you're all alone in this caregiving role?
Extended lonliness can affect your health, cause depression, stress, high blood pressure and other ailments. It, like grief, cannot be neglected, worked around or ignored; it must be worked thru. Combating loneliness requires action on your part. Hire a home care agency to stay with the men for a few hours a couple times a week to give you some respite. Take that time to have lunch with friends, go shopping or do something that you like to do. Call a friend and say "I need to talk". Find a dementia support group in your area. There you will be with other caregivers who share their stories, frustrations and advice. You'll find ocassion to laugh there also. Having support is very helpful. Make an appointment with a psychologist who has experience in therapy for loneliness.
I wish you well.
I think it is in the normal range to lose your patience from time to time. I can understand feeling guilty but do not beat yourself up too much. What you're doing is HARD. Thankless. Etc etc.
I totally agree that you need more than 5 hours a week to yourself. I would look into putting him in a facility for a week or two for some respite care. Take a vacation! Or have a staycation where you can just take care of you and put your feet up and get out in the world to do things for you.
Selfcare is important. You deserve it.
First of all I'm so sorry for your difficult situation.
Secondly, I disagree with you that you are selfish. IMO, you are NOT selfish. If you were, you'd leave all these burdens behind and moved on with your life and wouldn't look back. Instead, you gave up your health, your happiness, your freedom, your whole self, to care for your sick husband and brother. You are the opposite of selfish.
Lastly, to answer your question "What do caregivers do to combat their own loneliness?" I have a few ideas, and others will have more to offer. See what you may want to try.
Have a pet dog or cat. My dog helped keep me sane when my Alz. mother was driving me mad. Taking my dog out for a walk was one way I got some "me" time.
Join this Agingcare forum for camaraderie. I felt so lonely and unsupported until I found this amazing group of caregivers.
Join a local Alz/Dementia caregiver group. Usually they meet once a week. Not sure about now.
Enroll in a class, in person is better, but if you can't get away, an online class will suffice. There you will find people with something in common, the class subject. You can have social interaction that is so so important to keep your mind sane.
Take up a hobby. My 86 year old aunt knits small blankets, hats, and booties for babies and give them away to whoever wants them, sometimes the local churches, shelters, neighbors, relatives, etc.
Do some gardening. Growing things somehow gives you a purpose and breathes life into you.
Write daily journal. I always feel like I unload a heavy burden once I write my thoughts down.
If you're interested, read spiritual books or pray.
I'm sure others have more ideas to suggest to you.