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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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One strategy that I've read about is to ask your mom where SHE thinks he is. Sometimes you might be surprised by an answer that acknowledges he has passed on, from there you can agree that you both miss him and maybe spend some time reminiscing. Sometimes she'll give a different response and you can use that to build a therapeutic fib that enters her reality satisfies and her for the moment, then you distract and redirect.
A friend of mine had a similar situation recently. The mom’s close relative passed. Mom has Alzheimer's. My friend was on the fence on what to do. My friend’s sister wanted to tell the mom.
I told my friend that telling mom will not help her; only put her in a funk. At this point, decisions need to be made to protect her mother. (God bless. The mom passed last week.)
Will the information help your mom or hurt her? Only you know that.
At this point of my journey, I do a lot of white lies. The kind of lies that help my mom get along and make her feel good.
When my dad went to assisted living before he passed, he asked me if he had to stay there. When I nodded yes, it destroyed him. That’s was a life lesson for me.
I'd keep in mind that the reason she continues to try to reach him is because she doesn't remember that she tried to reach him earlier that day. I know that my LO would forget that I was there moments earlier. If I left, then returned because I forgot something a few minutes later, it was like she hadn't seen me in months. I'd try to go with what she will accept and will make her content in the moment. Even if you remind her of his passing, she'll likely keep forgetting, so every time, you would have to remind her and upset her over and over. It's a personal decision, but, I don't see what is to be gained by that. If a person's brain prevents them from processing and properly grieving, then giving them heartbreaking news, seems cruel and pointless to me. Did he ever go on business trips, fishing trips, etc?
"She has a lot of assets and I need info on what to do in order to get some help in paying these bills."
Do you mean she "doesn't" have a lot of assets? What kind of bills does she have? Does she own her own home? There comes a time in their Dementia journey that a AL no longer serves its purpose. My Mom transitioned from the AL to NH easily. But then she was only in the AL 8 months and she needed everything done for her. I found a LTC facility that was so good to Mom. They all have problems but Moms care out weighted them. Mom private paid for two months and then Medicaid took over. At which point she could no longer pay her bills. All her SS went to her care. (Except for $50 put into a PNB acct) Mom still had a house. That meant the taxes weren't paid. I turned off the phone and cable. Had a time set for light to come on at dark, go off at 11pm. Heat was set at 55. I kept electric, water and heat on to sell the house and paid that out of pocket. My DH unplugged the frig and stove and any appliances and tv. TG it sold and all leans were paid and I was reimbursed.
If you are holding down two jobs to pay Moms way, u may want to consider a good LTC facility. If she can pay privately, this is a good way to spend down for Medicaid. But in that "spendown" I don't think any of her money can be spent on bills. Only her personally.
If you can give us an idea of the bills she has, we maybe able to help you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I like that.
I told my friend that telling mom will not help her; only put her in a funk. At this point, decisions need to be made to protect her mother. (God bless. The mom passed last week.)
Will the information help your mom or hurt her? Only you know that.
At this point of my journey, I do a lot of white lies. The kind of lies that help my mom get along and make her feel good.
When my dad went to assisted living before he passed, he asked me if he had to stay there. When I nodded yes, it destroyed him. That’s was a life lesson for me.
I'd try to go with what she will accept and will make her content in the moment. Even if you remind her of his passing, she'll likely keep forgetting, so every time, you would have to remind her and upset her over and over. It's a personal decision, but, I don't see what is to be gained by that. If a person's brain prevents them from processing and properly grieving, then giving them heartbreaking news, seems cruel and pointless to me. Did he ever go on business trips, fishing trips, etc?
"She has a lot of assets and I need info on what to do in order to get some help in paying these bills."
Do you mean she "doesn't" have a lot of assets? What kind of bills does she have? Does she own her own home? There comes a time in their Dementia journey that a AL no longer serves its purpose. My Mom transitioned from the AL to NH easily. But then she was only in the AL 8 months and she needed everything done for her. I found a LTC facility that was so good to Mom. They all have problems but Moms care out weighted them. Mom private paid for two months and then Medicaid took over. At which point she could no longer pay her bills. All her SS went to her care. (Except for $50 put into a PNB acct) Mom still had a house. That meant the taxes weren't paid. I turned off the phone and cable. Had a time set for light to come on at dark, go off at 11pm. Heat was set at 55. I kept electric, water and heat on to sell the house and paid that out of pocket. My DH unplugged the frig and stove and any appliances and tv. TG it sold and all leans were paid and I was reimbursed.
If you are holding down two jobs to pay Moms way, u may want to consider a good LTC facility. If she can pay privately, this is a good way to spend down for Medicaid. But in that "spendown" I don't think any of her money can be spent on bills. Only her personally.
If you can give us an idea of the bills she has, we maybe able to help you.