What happens to dementia parents when the state comes to get them?
My dad and I have had a “good and bad” relationship my entire life. We did part ways in 2014. Not going into details about that, this is present day. On Labor Day this month 2022 I get a call from the police. Dad and his wife has severe dementia and has let 25 cats use their huge lovely home as a litter box. I drove 9 hours to find a nightmare. They only eat bread. I learned from a DSS case manager that “ something has to be done- but I’m not allowed to give you details, since you’re not POA. “
dad has over 1.5 million in bank, but he doesn’t use it. I tried getting help, but I can’t be there all the time.
the social worker now says I have 10 days left (I can’t work that fast).
I’m 62. Have a specialized profession and I can’t spend the next year in court, fighting for health care (trust me… if you knew the whole story, you may feel the same)
im just asking- what happens next? They NEED to get out of the house. It’s more than awful. I cleaned up cat stuff for 3 days. Each day it was more. I even spent $10,000 for someone to get rid of cats. My dad refused entry.
so. What happens next? All I can do is order them food every day so they have something to eat besides bread.
any help is good help- but don’t you dare question my actions. Thanks
What happens next, I believe, is that social services gets them out of that house and placed, against their will if necessary, in a safe and clean Skilled Nursing Facility where they can be fed and cared for properly, with dementia at play. I don't know if Medicaid picks up the tab, however, since dad has $1.5 million in the bank. Who has POA for him, anyone? You may want to contact a Certified Elder Care attorney for guidance on that subject, since that's a lot of $$$ to give away to the state if they were to become guardians of your dad and stepmother! Yikes.
I'm sure someone else with better, more thorough info than I have, will come along to give you their knowledge on the matter.
Wishing you good luck & Godspeed with this mess you're in. I'm sorry you're in such a terrible position to begin with, having no real power to DO anything, yet still expected to 'fix' things.
No one can make you do this. Tell the SW you are done and that the State is free to take guardianship.
I agree that consulting an eldercare attorney is a wise move, if only to tell you how to get reimbursed your 10K.
If you can do that (it would not be a "fight for a year in court" they would appoint a Guardian right away. And as Guardian you would then have legal authority to make health care and financial decisions for them.
You would have to keep records and submit paperwork to the court.
If you do not want to do this (and I completely understand it is not easy) the Court would then assume responsibility for all financial and health care decisions.
You might want to consult an Elder Care Attorney simply because of the assets your parents have.
And since you are not legally responsible for them at this point that "10 days" is a bunch of BS if you excuse the term.
The state will place them both in a nursing home because they have likely already filed for conservatorship over them. They will eat up that 1.5 mil too even if they die. The nursing home and the state are not going to refund one cent of that money.
It was foolish of you to spend that to thousand getting rid of the cats. You will not see that money again unless you go to court.
Get yourself to a lawyer pronto and file for conservatorship. Don't give the state or a nursing home any financial information or social security numbers.
my mom recently passed away (August 24th). She lived with me.
I was HER caregiver, with love and enthusiasm. I was never my dad’s or my stepmother’s caregiver.
The other option is for you to pursue guardianship for them in court. That may take time and energy. But you should consult with an experienced elder law attorney who may be able to guide you in getting emergency guardianship so you have authority sooner rather than later.
I don't really see a 3rd option. I agree with others that the "10 days" seems like nonsense, but maybe talk to the attorney. If your father has money in the bank these expenses can be legitimately covered. I wish you all the best. I just came from my Aunt's home where 2 cats were waging a territorial war inside with all types of body fluid, so you have my deepest sympathies!