My Dad who suffers from dementia, progressing over the past year or so, lives with me. I am unhappy in my home, and there is nothing available for either one of us in the area. Also, my Dad is worsening & I need help. I am considering renting a home in a 55+ community, to give him the socialization, activities, etc., knowing he needs that, probably in home care too. I am hoping that I won't be so miserable, with all the house issues, and will be a lot of work, but, I am being told by friends, get in home care first (I am burning out), then worry about moving to a 55+ community, along with all the other things on my plate, my sister unexpectedly passed away last year, so I have all of that too & it's only ME, no other family. Which step comes first?????
First thing to do is see if this is affordable, between your funds and your Dad's funds. Secondly, make sure the community has resources on-site for higher level of care when the time comes that your Dad would need that. Some community have the option of aging in place, may not be in the same building but still within the complex.
Some places have a waiting list with a refundable deposit, so in the mean time try hiring a caregiver for 3-4 hours per day or for 8 hours on one day so you can get a break. I know, if you are already exhausted, there isn't much one can do on a break.
Moving is a major task; the research you need to do can be done while you're working on other issues. Are you unhappy in your home because of the caregiving situation, or do you dislike the house? If the former, that isn't going to change that much in a 55+ community - you'll still be living together.
You write that your father's dementia is progressing; do you have any indication from his medical team what kind of dementia he has, what the progression rate generally is, and what you can expect in the short or long term future? This would probably affect your plans to move or not to move.
Have you tried senior centers for activities? Libraries? A lot depends on your father's state of dementia. In Miami, I would think there would be an active senior center that could help with activities.
What did your father enjoy doing, and can he do that in some limited way now? If not, what can he do for activities?
Another way you can meet your father's socialization needs is via an Adult Day Health Program. Look into that in your community.
I'm not discouraging a move -- that may be a good long-term solution. Just don't wait for that before getting help.
Moving is very stressful.
Everyone's advice is really good here, and I do hope you are able to move someday.
Keep talking, keep visiting here, and asking questions.
You will be surprised at how many crisis moments one can get by with a little help from your new cyber friends.
So sorry for your loss of your sister last year. You will meet some others who will show you that even after a year, your grief is normal.
Welcome! When it all falls to you, just a little help can make a huge difference.
Don't give up, and let us know how you are getting on.
Hugs for you and your father. {{{HUGS}}}
In terms of stress level, a move is as stressful as a death; can you handle both in less than 2 years, and what effect would that have on your health? That being said, the stress of living in a place you don't like also takes a toll on your well-being. There is something about crowded conditions and lack of space that significantly impacts on your psychological well being.
You mention your father's dementia is progressing. Will a move cause him extreme confusion and disorientation? I made the mistake of removing dad's bed from mom's bedroom to give her more space following almost two years since my dad died. She was extremely upset, disoriented and didn't recognize where she was anymore, and continues to be in this state after several weeks. So depending on the stage of dementia, a change can be traumatic and can worsen it, sometimes permanently.
Is your father open to social/recreational activities and in home help/ personal support/companionship? If so, that is a big plus, and I encourage you to have these arrangements set in place before his dementia progresses further.
Big decisions to make. You might want to set up a decision making grid, where you create a table listing the alternatives horizontally and the factors vertically (in order of importance); then assign a value to each alternative depending on its cost/benefits.
I wish you the best.