My husband and I are new empty nesters and were ready to start enjoying the next phase of life together. My Father has been having small strokes and now has vascular dementia, so docs have said he must not live alone anymore. Being the eldest of five, we have taken him into our home, we know we've taken on a huge task. Along with his many health issues, he is a smoker (I have him down to 11 cigs a day) and alcoholic. The alcohol has caused some major issues, he's been with us three months now, and it's becoming too much with the drinking. What I wander is ...do we have the legal right to take away his alcohol. The doc has told us, in front of him no less, that to cut him off totally would be too taxing on his body. He's been an alcoholic for at least 40 of his 70 years, and a smoker since 11years of age. He refuses to go anywhere other than the legion, my sibs can't handle him, there is a huge line up for the nursing home. Sometimes family will take him for a few hours, but he plays the dr jeckle, mr hyde thing. Please help, we don't know what we can legally do, watching tv and see the commercial on elder abuse, and we don't want people thinking we are doing any of that!
If your father is a veteran, look into AID AND ATTENDANCE a benefit program that will help with in home care for your father.
Have a family meeting.... ALL family members should be included in this meeting, so they are aware of all that is going on.
Talk to ANOTHER doctor. Detoxing from alchohol is possible (in my humble opinion) under a doctor's care.
I, like you, will be waiting for our resident experts to help you with your plight.
The road is a hard one, but there is help out there if you look for it.
God bless.
I started to control my mothers alcohol intake by limiting her access to money. But they are so resourceful. She ended up selling stuff in order to get money to get booze. Something worth $300 was probably sold for $10. But that $10 would buy a tetra pack of wine.
I am in Canada so our programs are different. Many social workers and elder workers have told me that my mother will fall through the cracks. There is nothing out there for someone with no or little money and you can only help someone who wants the help themselves. Until they admit their addictions and want the help, there is nothing we can do. My doctor likes to tell me that all the time.
One thing I do know, with my mother gone in a home, there is a lot less stress in my household. Breaking free of making the decisions for her and all the negativity that came along with those decisions has helped.
Good luck to you and big hugs!
We all need to do what we can, to spread the word, educate all the generations, about how things can so easily go so badly, and that it needs to change.
It's not just elders being abused--caregivers often get terribly abused, not just by elders, but by officials.
There seems to be a "witch hunt" now on caregivers. The abuse we suffer seems to be of no consequence. Other than the attorney and a different doctor....I would say to start a log. Try to keep any emotions out of it, just dates, times, actions & facts only (just in case you need to defend yourself at some point). Document everything! It will help with any medical records also.....meds & history.
I pray GOD's divine protection of you & your's.
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