Everything seems to be getting worse daily, the arguing, combativeness, total confusion, wandering, saying and arguing over things that don't even make sense. Saying we are not at home, refusing meds and hardly eats... the list goes on and on...I am one of 3 that are caring for her and we are all at our wits end...the thing that gets me the worst is that she just simply will NOT QUIT. She gets something in her mind and absolutely will not give up on it she fights and screams and when she doesn't get her way she will sob like a toddler for hours and then come full circle again...is any of this "normal?" She is also constantly going through our things! We have found things she has taken in her room and purse, but naturally she didn't do it...always in the bathroom, we often wonder if she actually uses it every time she is in there...she is not capable of making herself a cup of tea but screams at us if we try to help or do it for her. Takes things apart almost daily ex. The stove or cable box. She gets the mail and loses bills...sorry this seems long winded, I'm trying to include all behaviors I can think of that occur daily and to see if anyone else has anything similar and how they cope... when do you decide that you simply can't do it anymore and seek outside help(which she would refuse) or place her somewhere? Thanks in advance...
I don't know how long you can stand this. People can "outlive" your love for them. Sounds cruel, but it's true.
She'd likely be happier somewhere that has a lot of activities to choose from, and perhaps she benefit from a psych overhaul--there may be meds she can take to calm the tantrums. That's ONE thing mother STOPPED doing when she started having dementia--she stopped throwing tantrums. Thank goodness for that. Still she obsesses over small things until they're fixed, then moves on to the next "small thing" ..it's neverending.
I wish with all my heart my sibs would agree with me that she;d be better off in an Assisted Living environment, but that will never happen.
I wish you luck--it's like having a toddler in the house, but a BIG toddler.
What sort of doctor is following your mom? Have you reported these behaviors to her/him and what response are you getting?
Many of us here have had tremendous success with having our parents seen my geriatric psychiatrists who can sometimes work wonders with medication.
Of course, it may be that mom needs a higher level of care, such as memory care. Sometimes our folks need more that just our love and "amateur" care.
Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube; you might get some good techniques from there while you're exploring other options.
She came home with me and things were ok for a couple of months and then she started with the same bawling at the drop of a hat and then fine a half hour later. It was like a yo-yo living with her. Up and down, up and down. She was throwing things at me when she got upset. Basically all the behaviors your described.
In one of her more calm moments we went to the local behavioral health center for an "assessment" and they recommended admitting her to their geriatric locked ward to again adjust her meds. Wonder of wonders she agreed, so we didn't have to go the ER ambulance route like my brother did.
Of course after a few minutes in the locked down ward she did want to come home, but by then it was too late for that. I visited her every day.
The psychiatrist felt that she had pseudobulbar affect or PBA, which apparently is common with dementia patients? So she is on medication for that. As well as they doubled her Depakote and Risperdal doses.
So now she is home and no more crying jags. She's still my mom, meaning she's not a ray of sunshine and if there is a downside to something she will look for it... but she is not super mean now and she doesn't get so upset at everything anymore. Very doable to care for her now.
Now all that said...lol...she did take apart the toilet paper holder and put part of it in the toilet yesterday morning. Thank whomever that she doesn't flush the toilet anymore! So that told me that she needs to be accompanied to the toilet from now on. Well during the day anyway. I'm not getting up in the night to take her to the toilet.
And she still "snoops" into anything and everything. It is just like MidKid said... you now have a BIG toddler in your house. And I'll add that she's a toddler that you cannot discipline or teach. So move everything you value away to storage. Put plastic over your nice wood dining room table. Leave nothing on the coffee table that can't be put in an inquisitive mouth.
I've found that leaving baskets around with lids and books and photo albums and toys inside keeps her occupied for a while as she "snoops" in there. Give her things to look at and pick up.
Oh and the best $100 ever spent was on this robot kitty cat from amazon, called Joy for All. She LOVES that little kitty and talks to it endlessly. It keeps her occupied in car rides and waiting at doctor's offices. Both of which were really sore spots before.
Arm yourself with all the knowledge you can get your hands on, it won't make what Mom is going through easier for her, but you would get more of an understanding what in the heck is going on.
Scroll down to the bottom of this page to the blue area. On your left you will see ALZHEIMER"S CARE.... click on that, and start reading. Lot of eye opening information that will come very useful for dealing with Mom. And pass this information onto the other 2 people who are caring for your Mom.
My own Mom was great at saying about doctor's, mainly doctors who are women "they don't know what they are talking about".
It is an extremely difficult to balance medication especially if Mom is taking other prescription meds for other issues, such as high blood pressure, thyroid, etc.