What to do about mother's long-term delusions? They are driving me crazy.
I've come to regret when my mother goes in the front yard now. She has started going out with her mind on a project that she can't do well. That is okay, since it doesn't really hurt anything. The bad thing is that while she is out, she gets madder and madder. She thinks the neighbors are sending water into her yard. She has it in her mind that there is a big mud puddle between our two yards. Where she gets this idea, I don't know.
I tackled some of the project by doing one project we needed and one we didn't. A company came in and built a drainage trench to help the water run off. It works super well. I also put up a large flower bed with liner. It doesn't do anything. It is just visual.
Still she goes out and gets mad about the mud hole between the houses. There is no mud hole except in her mind. She thinks that her shoes and socks get wet. She comes in and takes them off, saying they're drenched. They are dry.
I can't do any more to address this delusion of water coming into our yard. She tells me the things she wants me to do to fix it. I can't do anymore. It's just stupid crazy what we've done already to address the visual part of her delusion. When I tell her there is no problem, though, she just gets mad and starts yelling. I don't know how to work with this delusion. This makes two major delusions now -- inside the house, the floor is on stilts and outside the house, it's flooding. I wish she would forget these delusions. She forgets lots of stuff, but not these delusions.
I told her the best answer was to move. I do wish that she was sick enough that I could justify a nursing home for her. Almost every day I am pushed to the edge with the same old delusions. I save sanity by staying away from her.
10 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- How do I help my brother-in-law look after my father-in-law in a different state?
- Should my daughter be in bed so much?
- My husband and i have been caring for our adult quadriplegic son for 4 years and are physically, financially, and emotionally unable to. Now what?
- My FIL is blind, has dementia and lives with me and my husband. How do we get help?
In my Mom's case, it's always focused on driving and cars. Last time I visited her, she said to me, "So, you have a rental car?" And, I thought (optimistic idiot that I am), a good day....she remembers that I now have to rent a car since she quit driving 5 years ago and we sold her car. Then, she immediately says, with a big, beautiful, totally sincere smile, "Hey....can I borrow it? I just want to run across the street to the grocery store." This woman is 94+, moderate dementia, after numerous falls, breaks, surgeries, now wheelchair-bound, cannot even get in or out of a vehicle as a passenger w/out at least 2 people's assistance, etc.....and, of course, there is no "grocery store across the street"....
Well....numerous other similar incidents, including the "purchase" of new cars, worry about where these cars are parked, need to wash and wax these cars, etc....BUT....my Mom is in a lovely ALF and no longer mobile....plus, my Mom is still generally sweet (she has had some outrageous moments but that's another story).....
I totally share your disbelief that otherwise incredibly impaired people who cannnot remember what has actually occured in their life 5 years or 5 minutes ago, can still "remember/hang on to" their bizarre personal obsessions....for years....for that matter, I have no idea why my Mom is so focused on cars! of all things....she is a well-educated, successful and popular local journalist, published author, longtime active advocate for good causes, big volunteer in retirement....but....cars???
Regretfully, I have no answers to offer....just commiseration....
He believed, among other things, that he had just been elected governor of North Dakota. Well, this is a fairly pleasant fantasy and something one might go along with in a low-key way. BUT he lived in assisted living in Minneapolis, so he always had this compulsion to get packed and prepared to leave for his inauguration. He needed his special stationery to write proclamations. Etc.
His other delusions involved ownership of care dealerships, new housing developments, etc. All of it perfectly pleasant for him, but not always easy for his daughter to deal with.
My husband's delusions were fleeting. There was a dead body in our bed and he was waiting for the crime scene folks (and was not disturbed by this) -- and then it was over and did not come up again. I think that is the more common variety of dementia delusions.
But this persistent kind is quite different. I find it fascinating, but I'm sorry for those who have to deal with them -- especially when they are unpleasant for the person having them.
I'm quite sure you cannot talk or reason or "prove" your mother out of this. When Coy thought our living room was a train station I tried to "prove" it wasn't. He agreed that those were our photo albums, that was the lamp we bought with wedding gift money, etc. etc. But that didn't change his mind that we were in a train station. A psychiatrist explained that when the brain is not working correctly it is perfectly possible to believe two contradictory ideas.
Jessie I think you have done a remarkable job of coping with these persistent delusions all these years. Can you feel the hugs I'm sending? (Speaking of delusions ...)
Maybe someone will come along on this forum and explain this phenomenon to us. Wouldn't that be interesting?
Sorry Jessie none of that was probably helpful, but I like to let my mind wander.
I tell myself that she can't help what she's doing. She now wants me to put up a garden liner between the neigbor's yard and ours. That would look weird indeed. I already put the flower bed in -- two days work + planting and maintaining -- that separates most of the front yard. And we had a 30' drainage trench put in that was needed to route water coming off our own house. I can't do or give any more to this delusion. We'll have to deal with it in other ways. Antidepressants we've tried make things worse.
ACK! Maybe I should just get a little boat and a bunch of little animals and make a sculpture out there. Then I can say, "They're ready for the great flood, Mom." I really think she may have a personal grudge against these neighbors for being young and active. Maybe the waters they are sending are just emotions they stir up in her. Or maybe her brain just gets stuck in loops that no one can break her out of.
After a while I came to understand the obsessions...it was always something or someone to dwell on....in a very negative view......like it was a big project or something.
This is so frustrating, hang in there Miss Jessie Belle!