A suffering dementia client was angry because he perceived my life to be easy, while he is currently declining. He asked me if I have any problems, but was so hostile-sounding that I sort of twisted the answer into a new topic. But he was wise so that didn't work. So I just said, "I believe in being pleasant when I'm at work," avoiding his question.
Is there anything I could have said better? I actually have quite a few very longstanding health conditions which are very painful and make it hard to work. But I don't qualify for disability. Would it have been unprofessional to share any of my (much) health info with him? There is one pretty bad sob story I could tell him, which would not make me vulnerable and might make him feel better. Or I could say, "Point to any decent body part and I'll tell you" LOL, but my better judgment kept me quiet. I feel so sorry for him losing his mobility. He asked me to "fix" him and why there wasn't a doctor present. He had been returned from the hospital earlier.
It would help you a lot if you learned more about dementia, what it is, how it changes people and then learned ways to better engage with dementia patients for more productive and peaceful interactions. Teepa Snow, dementia and caregiving expert, has some great videos on YouTube that I found very helpful.
The response you gave was appropriate.
You ought to consider quitting this job & finding a new one that's less taxing in general. Trying to care for 57 elders (between 3 CGs) with 'mental' issues/dementia and having quite a few longstanding health issues which are painful and make it hard to work YOURSELF sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Try to find a job that requires less physical AND mental labor of you. Dealing with dementia patients is probably THE most exhausting of both types of work, in my opinion.
Commiserating with him probably wouldn't be the best idea. He's not viewing you normally. He might even call you a liar and then you're stuck being emotionally exposed to someone who is angry, and is going to lash out, and likely remember zero of the terrible things they might say. (or even weirder, remember the whole thing differently).
or
"Gotta run, it's time for me to empty my ostomy bag."
or
"OMG, I forgot my chemo treatment! See you tomorrow!"
or
"EXCUSE ME? DO I KNOW YOU, HONEY?"
"Oh, Mr. _______, I do have problems, but you sure don't need THOSE piled on to the fact you are having a bad day already. Let's talk about how I can make YOU feel better. Can you tell me how I might help you?"
I understand your frustration. No one knows another's woe. And it's wrong to forget that everyone has problems, everyone you pass in the street. But this gentleman is desperate and unhappy and in his decline. Don't burden him with your pain while he is losing everything, including his mind, all that makes him who he is.
I am 80, and along with the other stuff we normally try to shoulder at that age, I bear the "bad nurse's back" (Nurses' bad back, more appropriately). So I can identify with you. And I am truly sorry for your pain. It is so hard to hear someone pre-suppose that you are without problems, but I know in your heart of hearts you know this gentleman isn't what he once was when he would have had the wherewithal to shoulder his own burdens and still care for others.