My LO is ambulatory and she enjoys going out to eat and riding in the car. Her “loop” of the same questions mostly disappears when we are out. I think the visual stimulation is very good for her.
The problem comes when I take her back to her room. Then all the same 8 or so questions begin and she can easily go for 1 hour (or however long I’ll stay). I have signs up and prompt cards which help - but she prefers to get the info from me. The longer I stay, it seems the more upset she gets with herself. She says she wants to go over it with me so it will help her get the info in her head. It seems cruel to leave but almost more cruel to stay. Sometimes I’ll text my sister and tell her to call my LO so I can extricate myself.
Thoughts anyone?
“I love you Dear (______), and I have to go to (_____) right now, but I’ll be back (tomorrow, soon). It’s almost time for (supper, recreation time, a movie, your nap). Hope you enjoy it”.
And then LEAVE. Her caregivers are familiar with her behavior, and will deal with it after you leave. Don’t turn around or come back or respond to what she says.
This was the toughest part of placing my LO, and this approach DID work.
The event was over, we did lunch and took a ride, I left on a positive note, she merged back into her life.
I would lovingly tell her goodbye and that you will see her soon. She will adapt to her surroundings after you leave.
You can always call her facility after you get home if you need reassurance of how she is doing.
Best wishes to you and your family.
don't make a big deal about leaving just go. Harder on you than her.
Took me a few times to figure this one out!
Sure wish you luck. Hope some other approach helps. Sometimes there is no real answer.
Take AnnReids advice and drop your LO off after the outing and take off right away. Your goal is to minimize her anxiety and asking those loop-questions, at all costs. So figure out what it will take to achieve that goal, and you'll have your answer.
Remember that this situation is tough for you too, not just your LO. My mom lived in Memory Care for almost 3 years and I cried every time I visited her, afterward, when she didn't see me. Losing someone bit by bit is the hardest thing to witness, it's soul crushing. Dementia and Alzheimer's is known as The Long Goodbye for a good reason, as it's a gruesome journey that leaves all who travel it with scars. Be kind to yourself too. You are good to take her out on excursions she enjoys. My mom was wheelchair bound and got violently carsick. All of our visits had to be in the building and they all left me with a stomach ache. She passed on Feb 22, 2022 and today would've been her 96th birthday. Im happy she's at perfect peace now.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Why not take pics of the signs you refer to and ask sis to review the info with her as you make your exit.
It was the only way to not get sucked into the loop. He did learn that goodbye meant I was leaving now.
If you have had a great visit and a fun time there is no reason to feel bad that it's time to go.
Hugs, kiss, love you, had a great time today, rest well, see you soon. Bye as you walk out the door. It does get easier.
Routine is really important and she has driven the goodbye routine, time for it to be driven by you. You got this!