My DH is in middle stage ALZ. I have become his safety net. He must know where I am and looks for me, even when I'm in the next room. If I go out alone, he calls quite often because he's frightened. We've had two situations when I was out he tried to use the microwave or put coffee in the toaster oven to heat in a non-oven dish. Fortunately he couldn't figure out how to use the toaster-oven but it was scary thinking of the possibility of a fire. Now I unplug the toaster-oven if I go out. He doesn't like my concerns about leaving him alone. I still leave him alone for short periods of time but when will I know for certain never to leave him alone?
I think you already knew the answer to your question. The time has come. You need to be able to go out and not worry the whole time about what you will find upon your return. It's too iffy for you to take a chance any longer.
But, for self care, YOU still need to be able to get out and have some time to yourself. Since he feels he does not "need" help, then shift it so the helper is for YOU, not him. YOU need help with laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Just happen to schedule this helper to come do these things for you with when you need to be out of the house. If something is going wrong, they can intervene and/or call you.
Good luck.
Thanks for your reply.
Have you looked into an Adult Daycare? It would ensure he is safe and you can run your errands, meet a friend for lunch etc.
As said above, you could say that the help is for your chores, including a lunch break for the companion.
Good luck to you.