I was married for 30 years and divorced in 2010. I have 3 children - 37, 35 and 26. When we were a family, I was the lone driver in the house since my exwife did not have a drivers licence. I took my exwife and children shopping, church, skating, karate, swimming, doctors, school, etc. etc. After divorce which was initiated by my exwife for reasons of "incompatibility", I applied and received church annulment and the children turned against me. My son once came to attack me for no reason and now never sees me, my daughter who has 2 kids of her own won't allow me to visit freely and does not even allow her kids to skype me, and my youngest daughter travels and rarely keeps in touch even though I live in a senior's residence and invited them over many times. I am under treatment for depression and honestly do not believe I did anything wrong. I have several times for no reason asked my children for forgiveness even though I have not done anything wrong and my daughters have responded saying there is nothing to forgive.
In your shoes, I would not ask for " false forgiveness"--I did nothing wrong but I'll apologize because im such a good person. I would try to establish communication with each of your kids; send a card or email each month, talking about what you're doing and asking after them. Don't ask for a relationship--start one.
I have no idea why you felt the need to comment that you were the family driver? Driving is not parenting.
You have stated you know you have asked for forgiveness, even though you know you have done nothing wrong. You leave no opening for a conversation, no opportunity for your adult children to tell their side, you just tell them, Look I am sorry, but I know I did nothing wrong? My parents use that language too. They tell their friends what a terrible daughter I am because I will not visit, but they do not tell their friends what they did to cause the rift.
I'm sorry to hear how isolated you feel from your family. As a child of a bitter divorce, my mother tried to turn us against our father. It is hard to know what each of your children think.
I would suggest talking to a family therapist or counsellor or pastor. Barb made many wonderful suggestions to reach out. Maybe there is serious miscommunication.
My father and mother came from a different generation and there was no talk of feelings. I never knew how to talk about my feelings either. And since my own father passed this is a terrible regret I have. I hope you will continue to write letters, cards, make phone calls to your children. Let them know you love them and miss them and would like to make a new connection.
Think back and be honest with yourself. Remember, no parentvis perfect. You are asking forgivness but u don't have a clue what u did. If u still don't understand then they may have to tell you. Thats when you write a letter saying you have looked at your life with them and honestly have no idea why they chose not to have a relationship with you. Tell them u need honesty then u and ur doctor can go from there. Keep in mind each child needs something different from a parent. And each child preceives things differently. Ex: BIL complained his Dad was always out playing sports when he was little (he was youngest). My husband said that Dad always asked us to go with him but I was the only one who did out of us three. You need to find some interest that help you get outvin the world. All you can do is reach out once more and then will have to except.