My husband is in a care facility. He looks so down when I visit and when I can't, I call him. He sets the phone down and the staff eventually hangs up assuming I'm done talking, believing he's done with me. Is he forgetting me or am I reading too much into him not responding to me? He asks me what am I doing when I hug him or give him a little peck on the cheek. I've become so depressed I don't trust myself to go see him. They've told me to not show my feelings but they are written all over my face. He has nobody but me that visits. Not even the brother who he owns the house with we all shared for 20 years.
I've seen an Alzheimer's patient go up and hug someone they think is a stranger. After the hug the patient says," do I know you." Stranger says, yes I am your daughter. Patient says, "oh isn't that nice." With a smile.
Every other stranger that walked in got zero response.
Yes your husbands brain is broke. But please find warmth in your heart that his heart won't forget.
Best of luck, I'm so sorry for your pain
I'm sure that it's much more than just depression that put him there. If he has any of the dementias, he may just be confused as to who you are when you come to visit, and perhaps doesn't understand the spoken word when you call him, so just puts the phone down since he can't understand you.
It's hard to guess what is going on with someone when they have a broken brain. Your guess is as good as mine.
I would just continue to go visit when you're able and try your best to put your best face forward, as folks with dementia do mirror the attitudes of those around them. So if you go in with a big smile on your face(yes fake it if you have to)he more than likely will smile back. But if you go in looking all upset or down, he too will be upset and down.
So if need be, keep your visits short, let him know that you love him and will be back again soon.
And make sure that you're taking care of yourself and finding things that bring you joy. And find a good caregiver support group in your area that you can attend in person, as that will be very helpful as well.
You're not alone in this. This forum can be helpful too.
I wish you the very best as travel this difficult journey with your husband.
Impaired social skills, a blank stare, lack of facial expression, laughing or crying at inappropriate times are all common.
I could not get my Husband to give me a hug. But he would hold hands. He had always been a hand holder! And when I would leave the house I would tell him "I'm going to work" and he would give me a kiss goodbye just like he always did. And when I got home he would give me a kiss. And a good night kiss. But these were things he always did so it came as a second nature thing. But not the hug.
My Husband had difficulty with the phone. I came to the conclusion that if he could not put a face to the voice there was no meaning to it so he was just done.
that could be it when you talk to him on the phone, he can't see you so he is not sure who he is talking to.
When you are there and he looks down are you noticing that he is looking down much of the time? If so that could be the beginning of a lack of Trunk Support. If he starts listing one way or the other look for Wedge pillows that can help keep him more upright. A travel neck pillow might keep his head lifted. These are all common declines with dementia.