Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I keep trying to explain why she needs this but it just doesn’t sink in. Why after 8 years does she feel she no longer needs it? I know if she falls, I’ll feel like the neglecting caregiver!! Any ideas?
OLD AGE PRIDE. These folks are in their 8th/9th decade..... with white hair and a full wardrobe of easy on/off clothing, but “don’t want to look old” by using that cane or walker or rollator.
IF/WHEN THE MIND STARTS TO SLIP: All bets are off.
Delusions of being more capable than they are? Paranoia about “being seen like that”? Straight-up incapable of simple logic? Choose one or choose all - the net effect is the same.
Now lump in some extra frustration for the caregiver:
•Obvious (to us) dementia, yet undiagnosed. Whether by accident. Or design. Or a “nice” doctor who doesn’t want to upset the patient.
•Showtiming! Our stubborn elders can summon up enough “normal” to fool people at church, shopping, etc.
•Post-showtiming fallout. Our stubborn elders “let it all hang out” with us - in the car and at home. They reserve the bursts of anger for US. The people who spend the most time with them. The people who are their lifeline.
Back to the original question: It’s somewhere between damn-hard and impossible for us caregivers to convince our stubborn elders to use assistive devices properly and consistently.
We can try. We can coach. And if the cane/walker/rollator convo with your parent always ends in a fight, you might need to “table” this topic in favor of other fights. (Nutrition? Toileting? Keeping utilities/taxes paid? Protecting from predatory charities or scammers? Driving privileges?) **Your mileage may vary.**
This is does not mean that safe ambulation is not important. It IS important. But safe ambulation will only happen if it is important to Your Stubborn Elder.
Worried about Worst Case Scenario? Stop worrying. It’ll either happen, or it won’t.
For some, a bad fall is the only thing that transitions a stubborn elder to the level of care he/she previously refused to accept.
For some, a bad fall is what ends his/her life. I have personal experience with this outcome.
My heart goes out to all caregivers who struggle with the cane/walker/rollator issue.
It’s a common (but certainly not the only) manifestation of the Sad Dichotomy Of Caregiving: What seems like a no-brainer to us is often the lowest priority for Our Stubborn Elders.
Back in my naive past, if someone had tried to tell me that the last 5 years of my mother’s life would be a zero-sum game (at the expense of my sanity..... and at the expense of how I was perceived by family/“friends”/neighbors), I would have never believed it. Silly me.
Buckiiz, older people fall, that is what they do. There is no way we can stop this unless one is duct taped to their parent, and even then both could fall. Thus you are not neglecting your Mom, but it difficult when they do tumble. We don't want to see them get hurt.
My own Mom refused to use a walker, and would only use her cane when going to doctor appointments. Heaven forbid the neighbors seeing Mom with a cane, they might think she was old. HELLO, Mom, you're 98.
My Dad loved his rolling walker, you would think I had bought him a Mustang. But Mom didn't want Dad to use the walker outside the house. Thankfully Dad bravely ignored Mom when he wanted to walk down the driveway to get the mail. He remembered a time when he fell backwards and hit his head trying to use only a cane. 911.
Does your mom have dementia and that's why you can't get through to her?
My MIL is really bad at using her walker too. I tell her "if your feet are on the ground, your hands need to be on the walker". She does have falls but has been sooooo lucky to, so far, get away with minor bruising, etc.
I catch her very often leaving it here and there and then making stories up as to why it's not with her.
It seems like all the convos in the world don't matter. They forget or think they're fine without it.
If she had been using it for eight years it is probable that her dementia has reached a stage where she simply forgets that she is old and frail. Perhaps you could get a bed or chair alarm that will alert you when she is on the move.
My mother was using a walker for 5 years and now became wheelchair bound as she's declined physically and mentally, due to dementia. Suddenly, she feels like she can just "jump up real quick" and use the toilet, or get out of the chair, the bed, etc. No matter how many times I tell her she needs to ask for assistance when getting up, she just doesn't get it. It's the nature of dementia, which I assume your mom is suffering from as well since your question is filed under that category. There is no sense to dementia......they revert to children again and have no concept of safety at ALL. Reality no longer exists. You are not a neglectful caregiver if she falls.......there is nothing much you can do to prevent it short of putting alarms on her bed and chair. Even then it can be too late to prevent the fall. My mother has fallen over 3 dozen times over the past couple of years and has broken ribs and sternum bones which are in various stages of healing. How do I know this? Recent CT scans and MRIs taken at the hospital for a stay with pneumonia. She fell under the radar at the ALF and wouldn't call for help when she needed it, wouldn't use her walker, etc. You can't save a person from themself, I'm afraid. You can only do your best and let the chips fall where they may. Before the dementia got bad, I used to tell mom, " I guess I'll meet the ambulance at the hospital next time you forget to use your walker and fall again." Sigh. It's a tough road for all, isn't It? Best of luck
They don't want to admit an infirmity. I don't know how old your is, mine depression era.,mind over matter.
I have told this story before I think here. I took my mom shopping. Mom let's look at this Alfred Dunner line.no. that's for old people. Where's the Liz? ( Claiborne) she was 89 at the time.
My mom could not master a walker. And we had 5. Different models and colors. Nope.
In memory care. Would push a wheelchair while she could still walk,but not sit in. I feel you.
Mother thinks she is able to manage w/o her walker--but watching her 'walk around' is terrifying. She moves carefully and slowly from counter to chair to door frame...it's awful to watch. She has 3 walkers of some kind in the apartment at all times, but if you go visit her and she is unaware that you're seeing her through the windows--she's often hobbling around w/o the walker.
She thinks it makes her look old.
She's 90. I think that IS kind of old. And I do wish she could walk around without the walker, but that's life.
Ahh.....can so totally relate to this. Mom (89) has already fallen, broke her hip....one week in hospital, 3 weeks in rehab. because she did not use her walker. STILL plays games with excuses as to why she walks without it. Yet she'll insist she uses it most of the time. No. Both my sister and I continually catch her without it. She has two....has baskets, four reaching sticks (never uses). When dad leaves (he gets totally stir crazy with her constant demands and whining) I'm sure she does whatever she pleases.....mostly things she is restricted from doing. It's just a matter of time and we keep reminding her that if she falls again she will not return home. She claims she's strong now since she does her exercises and is in better shape prior to surgery. She has mild dementia (but seems to be getting worse), severe osteoporosis, compression fractures, and PMR. In spite of knowing the obvious, it still causes a lot of stress......keeping our fingers crossed while waiting for the next tumble.
Bottom line.....you are no way responsible if she falls. Outside of being constantly with her when she's upright you cannot prevent her falling. They are stubborn and dislike being told what they should do......even when drs. explain explicitly the need for a walker for their own safety. So no, I don't have an answer for you....but hope you can take some comfort in knowing you are not alone. Best of luck.
My mind may feel youthful, but my body tells me differently. When I need a cane, I use a cane. When I needed a walker after hip replacement, I used a walker. It's common sense, and the desire to prevent my loved ones from having to deal with MY inflated ego telling me I'm something I'm not. I know better.
Is she living with you? I suggest that you get a Gait Belt and put it on her so you have some stability and a way to grab hold of her if she were to start to fall. The way I got my Husband to use the walker is I would ask if he would carry some things for me in the basket. He would do just about anything I asked so getting him to use the walker to make things easy for me was a no brainer. If you can get her to use the walker when you are with her great. If you are not with her and she does not use the walker that really is not on you. Much like when your kids were learning to walk, you would watch them but if you went into the other room and they started walking and they fell that was not negligence on your part. One true fact....Falls WILL happen. It is not a matter of IF but WHEN. You can try to limit them but you will not eliminate them.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
OLD AGE PRIDE. These folks are in their 8th/9th decade..... with white hair and a full wardrobe of easy on/off clothing, but “don’t want to look old” by using that cane or walker or rollator.
IF/WHEN THE MIND STARTS TO SLIP: All bets are off.
Delusions of being more capable than they are? Paranoia about “being seen like that”? Straight-up incapable of simple logic? Choose one or choose all - the net effect is the same.
Now lump in some extra frustration for the caregiver:
•Obvious (to us) dementia, yet undiagnosed. Whether by accident. Or design. Or a “nice” doctor who doesn’t want to upset the patient.
•Showtiming! Our stubborn elders can summon up enough “normal” to fool people at church, shopping, etc.
•Post-showtiming fallout. Our stubborn elders “let it all hang out” with us - in the car and at home. They reserve the bursts of anger for US. The people who spend the most time with them. The people who are their lifeline.
Back to the original question: It’s somewhere between damn-hard and impossible for us caregivers to convince our stubborn elders to use assistive devices properly and consistently.
We can try. We can coach. And if the cane/walker/rollator convo with your parent always ends in a fight, you might need to “table” this topic in favor of other fights. (Nutrition? Toileting? Keeping utilities/taxes paid? Protecting from predatory charities or scammers? Driving privileges?) **Your mileage may vary.**
This is does not mean that safe ambulation is not important. It IS important. But safe ambulation will only happen if it is important to Your Stubborn Elder.
Worried about Worst Case Scenario? Stop worrying. It’ll either happen, or it won’t.
For some, a bad fall is the only thing that transitions a stubborn elder to the level of care he/she previously refused to accept.
For some, a bad fall is what ends his/her life. I have personal experience with this outcome.
My heart goes out to all caregivers who struggle with the cane/walker/rollator issue.
It’s a common (but certainly not the only) manifestation of the Sad Dichotomy Of Caregiving: What seems like a no-brainer to us is often the lowest priority for Our Stubborn Elders.
Back in my naive past, if someone had tried to tell me that the last 5 years of my mother’s life would be a zero-sum game (at the expense of my sanity..... and at the expense of how I was perceived by family/“friends”/neighbors), I would have never believed it. Silly me.
My own Mom refused to use a walker, and would only use her cane when going to doctor appointments. Heaven forbid the neighbors seeing Mom with a cane, they might think she was old. HELLO, Mom, you're 98.
My Dad loved his rolling walker, you would think I had bought him a Mustang. But Mom didn't want Dad to use the walker outside the house. Thankfully Dad bravely ignored Mom when he wanted to walk down the driveway to get the mail. He remembered a time when he fell backwards and hit his head trying to use only a cane. 911.
My MIL is really bad at using her walker too. I tell her "if your feet are on the ground, your hands need to be on the walker". She does have falls but has been sooooo lucky to, so far, get away with minor bruising, etc.
I catch her very often leaving it here and there and then making stories up as to why it's not with her.
It seems like all the convos in the world don't matter. They forget or think they're fine without it.
Best of luck
I have told this story before I think here. I took my mom shopping. Mom let's look at this Alfred Dunner line.no. that's for old people. Where's the Liz? ( Claiborne) she was 89 at the time.
My mom could not master a walker. And we had 5. Different models and colors. Nope.
In memory care. Would push a wheelchair while she could still walk,but not sit in. I feel you.
She thinks it makes her look old.
She's 90. I think that IS kind of old. And I do wish she could walk around without the walker, but that's life.
Always just waiting for the next fall.
Bottom line.....you are no way responsible if she falls. Outside of being constantly with her when she's upright you cannot prevent her falling. They are stubborn and dislike being told what they should do......even when drs. explain explicitly the need for a walker for their own safety. So no, I don't have an answer for you....but hope you can take some comfort in knowing you are not alone. Best of luck.
Your mom is the same. "Why would I need a walker?" she says to herself. "I'm not an old person who needs a walker. I'm fine!"
I suggest that you get a Gait Belt and put it on her so you have some stability and a way to grab hold of her if she were to start to fall.
The way I got my Husband to use the walker is I would ask if he would carry some things for me in the basket. He would do just about anything I asked so getting him to use the walker to make things easy for me was a no brainer.
If you can get her to use the walker when you are with her great.
If you are not with her and she does not use the walker that really is not on you. Much like when your kids were learning to walk, you would watch them but if you went into the other room and they started walking and they fell that was not negligence on your part.
One true fact....Falls WILL happen. It is not a matter of IF but WHEN.
You can try to limit them but you will not eliminate them.
See All Answers