My father died almost 4 months ago and my mom still has the picture boards we created for his viewing/funeral all over the house. It depresses me so much I hate to go over there. I guess it makes her feel better but I'm not sure. Should I say how I feel or just hope she puts them away sty some point?
When I sold the house last year, my son took all the pictures and computer stuff home with him. He's an artist, and his wife is a photographer, and they're very computer savvy. The daughter I now live with found a nice slide projector at a yard sale recently, , and asked her brother to bring a box of our old slides when he came for Thanksgiving. It was fun looking at them, even if they had gotten out of order--and I enjoyed sorting and organizing them again. I'll have him bring another box when he comes for Christmas.
It's not easy to suddenly be alone--my issue at first was the quiet. I had the TV on most of the time just for noise in the house. Then when I had a friend live with me, and the TV quit, I didn't need it any more.
I would like to recommend posting about your father on the thread:
"Love notes from caregivers who have lost someone", tell your story, how you are doing now-don't feel obligated at all. Hoping this helps anyone with their grief, and that soon any tears from their loss can eventually turn into tears of joy that one was able to know that person and survive the caregiving, as well as the loss of their family member. And, this is also for those with challenges with their person, whether they were loved or not.
My heart goes out to all of you caregivers this holiday season.
Love, from Send.
Losing a spouse, mine of 26 years, is world shattering. To bring closure yo my boo-hoo post right here, I'll also add that six years later, I found a wonderful man. We are very happy together.
For each, as others have said, there is a mourning process. No one should judge what we do. Most ESPECIALLY just four months into the loss of a spouse.
To those who understood where I came from with my earlier post, thank you very much.
I agree with those on here who have said its your Mom's business how she wants to grieve. If it upsets you, you could voice that to her but not in a accusatory,critical way. Maybe just say "Hey Mom how come you still have Dad's pictures up" Her answer might surprise you.
worn out - my condolences on your loss. I know you are still hurting ((((((hugs))))
Here is another perspective with regards to the funeral photos: There is a difference between pictures of Dad vs. pictures of the funeral. INMOP.
You can help Mom out by having a few good pictures of Dad placed in frames, telling Mom, we won't forget him. Put away the funeral pictures, a sad event to be sure. It is normal to grieve one's own way, but I've seen some unhealthy focus on death of a loved one, pictures of the deceased shared with everyone, for a very long time. Share pictures of when he was alive. I understand.
If we here in this community did not have MaggieMarshall posting, we would have no one posting the truth to shock us back to reality. Take what you want, and leave the rest. I am positive she did not mean just get over your Dad's death.
You say that your mother is overly sensitive, and it appears you may be, too. That is OK -- give yourselves time and things will gradually arrive at a new normal. This is a tough period for you both.
I would offer an opinion about the poster's reaction, but I think she explained her perspective quite well.
Thank you both again.
The loss of a spouse is devastating. Unless you've walked that path, you can't begin to understand the sense of loss one feels. You have lost a father. SHE has lost her whole life.
I've heard it said that the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love each other all of their lives. Sounds like you've been given that gift. Now give mom a precious gift back -- don't put your feelings over hers for the few hours you spend with her in her home. Let her grieve in her own way.
I think the photos are upsetting you more than the fact that your mother has them on display. Perhaps you should also allow yourself more grieving time, in your own way. Give both of you space for this mourning process.
I'm sorry that her method of mourning is not compatible with hers, and you are entitled to honor your own feelings about this. But please don't tell Mom how she should handle her feelings. Try to find a way to be together than suits you both.