I have no relatives or friends who can or will give significant time to share in the care giving. I have done it all for the past three years.
I put her in the Alzheimer's unit after her last hospitalization from a avarices breaking and bleeding in the night and her almost bleeding to death before I could get her to a hospital. Because of her Alzheimer's, she did not know how to let me know she was bleeding. My lack of time to work was being affected and my stress level was exceedingly high.
My problem now is that she is physically better by being in the care unit, but I cannot visit with her. She won't talk about anything but getting out and all the things she has to do, which are memories of long ago. After I leave, she will refuse to take medicine, refuse to go to bed, will sit by the doors waiting for me to come and get her. I'm beside myself.
I know this is so difficult for you. I was riddled with guilt because I could no longer take care of her at home. But she developed friendships there that she never had when she was home with us. She actually flourished in the nursing home. In the end we received hospice and instead of her going to the hospital she came to her home and she passed here. It is wonderful if you can do this . I had our entire family including children who helped me do this. God Bless you...
Your wife will go through different stages with this disease, so this current situation will change. Just do your best to comfort her. Use therapeutic fibbing when necessary (go back in time with her and say "you'll see your brother soon," etc.) I know this is hard when you've been married to her for so long, but all you can hope for now is some contentment.
You've gotten good advice from the community. We do understand your pain. Please keep coming back to tell us how you are doing.
Carol
“The Only Thing That Is Constant Is Change -” and I hope you have a trusted someone near, or in your community that you can share this heart burden with... sometimes this kind of sharing helps us not to second guess ourselves and it helps relieve some of that being "beside myself."
My heart goes out to you....
I know men don't like to cry as much as women do, but watch a sad movie and let the tears flow. Maybe Stepmom, or Old Yeller, or Little Big Man, or An Affair to Remember. I just Googled Sad movie, which reminded me of The Notebook with James Garner, which should hit the spot. Or Umberto D, which will break your heart.
She will settle in, and your relationship will become easier. Until then, best wishes.
Bless you...
God bless you.
I know leaving her is heart-wrenching; but she is in good "skilled" hands and likely benefits from the routine, ritual and stimulating activities that her new residence provides.
Visit as much as you can. Consider leaving her with your favorite shirt/t-shirt, robe that has your scent (unwashed) on it for security and comfort to her while you're away. Maybe go around the house and take lots of pictures(or video) of rooms, church, favorite stores, restaurants, gardens, etc. and put them on a digital frame or in a book (Costco does this) that she can have and leaf through so she always feels close to you or close to home.
For yourself, consider joining a support group locally or even at the ALZ care center where she it where you can open up and share your feelings with others going thru the same. You'll see that nearly everyone is in different stages with their loved ones and have been through the same stage you're in. It will give you hope.
We are thinking about you and our hearts ache for you as you go through this.
I will try to give feed back from time to time.