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Can anyone tell me how I am going to cope. She is very aggressive at times and has hit and bit me. She blames me for everything and shouts a lot. I try to reason with her but I am at the end of my tether. Can anyone give me some advice?
Has she seen a doctor? It may be something other than Alzheimer's. It could be something that is treatable, which is why it is very, very important to have a doctor's diagnosis. The doc should perform a CT scan of the brain at the very minimum.
Henry, telling her she has Alzheimer's doesn't sink in. But the biting, you must call her doctor and get medication to calm her down. If there is something she really likes, such as a little piece of chocolate or a half a glass of wine, let her have it. If he can prescribe Marinol in a low dose, you may see improvement.
Reasoning won't work anymore, and there is actually no point and no need to make her acknowledge what is happening to her. If she is behaving like that though, she is not competent any more and you will have to take the steps to get guardianship and medical care even though she does not want it. You could legitimately arrange for an emergency geropsychiatric evaluation on the basis of the injuries to you, even calling 911 when she is out of control would not be out of the question. Sorry this is happening to you, it has to be awful to see her going down hill and bear the brunt of her irrational anger.
My question is was the wife aggressive physically at any time in her life with you or anyone else? She sounds angry to me and I have to ask if there is just cause for it? Alzheimers is not an easy diagnosis even for a seasoned doctor. What else is going on in her life? Could she just be angry and acting out for a valid reason? Could it be you are forgetful and showing signs of dementia and she is blaming you for things you are responsible for yet you can not accept it? Certainly her behavior is not that of a rational adult but many without disease do not handle stress well. Don't be so quick to label your wife.
Whoa Olmaandme, this fellow is being BITTEN by another human being. While it's possible that his wife could have something else wrong other than Alzheimer's, no matter what it is very serious and not his fault. He needs to get the cavalry to come help him get her evaluated and find a safe situation that meets his and her needs.
Even if she won't go to the doctor for the Alheimer's, does she have appointments for other things? If she does and it's something like a visit to her primary care physician, you can tell the doctor about this. If she does not have an appointment coming up, if she mentions any ache or pain, that's a good excuse to tell her she needs an appointment.
I hope you'd gotten the HIPAA release so that you can discuss her health care. If not, you will need this, if you can get her to agree to it. However, if the doctor's office presents it in a positive light, she might just sign that.
Now that I've posted, I realize I've probably misunderstood your question. You mentioned that she DOES have Alzheimer's but won't get help, which means that she's been to the doctor but now won't take the doctor's advice. So, I realize my previous advice was not helpful. My apologies on that.
Does she have anyone else she listens to who can convince her to continue her treatment? Children? Priest? Sibling? Enlist anyone you can who might be able to get her to do what she needs to. As her spouse, being the person closest to her, I think that sometimes makes it harder, not easier.
Some people with Alzheimers don't seem to be aware that there is anything wrong, so they refuse to go for evaluation and treatment. After my husband did finally get diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers disease and then fronto-temporal dementia (18 years ago) I discovered that complete lack of insight and awareness is part of his disease. Many individuals with dementia experience personality change and behavior changes such as you are seeing. Paranoia and delusions can also contribute to a person's impulsive and violent behavior.
I was only able to get my husband for evaluation and treatment when he had to see a doctor for something unrelated (a bad flu), then while there I was able to get medication for his extreme behaviors (that were unsafe for us both), which I then crushed up and put into his food without his knowledge. I do not consider this wrong or unethical since it was prescribed and recommended by a doctor. He was then able to get stabilized so that I could continue to care for him at home as I wanted to do.
Secondly, it can reduce a lot of stress to know that she is most likely not capable of insight. Some people with dementia, like my husband, have never been aware of there changes in behavior or personality and thinking. The best gift you can give yourself is to not take personally anything she says or does, as this is the disease. God bless you sir, you are not alone.
Sorry I also misunderstood, not realizing that your wife has already been diagnosed with Alzhimers. Hopefully the medication for behaviors that the doctor can prescribe for her will help. She does not have to understand, accept, or follow through on what the doctor tells her, as you can see that she takes medication (by crushing in her food) if the doctor prescribes medication. You are also relieved from the responsibility to trying to get her to understand her behavior, which can be a real stress-buster.
One last thought: there are home health agencies that have Alzheimer's behavior management programs, paid by Medicare, that are especially designed to help family caregivers manage the type of behaviors to which you are referring. The purpose of these programs is to prevent premature nursing home placement. My husband and I greatly benefited from this program because I was taught new ways of responding and communicating that helped me to cope with the changes in his behavior. Hope you can find such a program in your area. Just want to you also know that a person with dementia with extreme behaviors does not necessarily have to be medicated to be manageable. My husband only need a temporarily time with behavior medication since the disease progresses and made him increasingly passive.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
She sounds angry to me and I have to ask if there is just cause for it?
Alzheimers is not an easy diagnosis even for a seasoned doctor.
What else is going on in her life?
Could she just be angry and acting out for a valid reason?
Could it be you are forgetful and showing signs of dementia and she is blaming you for things you are responsible for yet you can not accept it?
Certainly her behavior is not that of a rational adult but many without disease do not handle stress well.
Don't be so quick to label your wife.
Fear: Causes of :
I hope you'd gotten the HIPAA release so that you can discuss her health care. If not, you will need this, if you can get her to agree to it. However, if the doctor's office presents it in a positive light, she might just sign that.
Does she have anyone else she listens to who can convince her to continue her treatment? Children? Priest? Sibling? Enlist anyone you can who might be able to get her to do what she needs to. As her spouse, being the person closest to her, I think that sometimes makes it harder, not easier.
I was only able to get my husband for evaluation and treatment when he had to see a doctor for something unrelated (a bad flu), then while there I was able to get medication for his extreme behaviors (that were unsafe for us both), which I then crushed up and put into his food without his knowledge. I do not consider this wrong or unethical since it was prescribed and recommended by a doctor. He was then able to get stabilized so that I could continue to care for him at home as I wanted to do.
Secondly, it can reduce a lot of stress to know that she is most likely not capable of insight. Some people with dementia, like my husband, have never been aware of there changes in behavior or personality and thinking. The best gift you can give yourself is to not take personally anything she says or does, as this is the disease. God bless you sir, you are not alone.
One last thought: there are home health agencies that have Alzheimer's behavior management programs, paid by Medicare, that are especially designed to help family caregivers manage the type of behaviors to which you are referring. The purpose of these programs is to prevent premature nursing home placement. My husband and I greatly benefited from this program because I was taught new ways of responding and communicating that helped me to cope with the changes in his behavior. Hope you can find such a program in your area. Just want to you also know that a person with dementia with extreme behaviors does not necessarily have to be medicated to be manageable. My husband only need a temporarily time with behavior medication since the disease progresses and made him increasingly passive.
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