I cared for mum post op. I didn’t know she was incontinent until two days before discharge. I had nights of her getting up four times or more to pee. She catheterizes herself standing up. She caths every time she goes to the bathroom. That is when she has a BM. She doesn’t know it. It ends up getting everywhere. She can’t wipe herself after a BM without getting feces under her nails, on the handles of her walker, etc. On one night she went to the bathroom herself. I had fallen asleep and didn’t hear her get up. I did her the walker click after she was done in the bathroom. She had feces all over herself...on her feet, hands, her back, her private area. She had smeared it all over the bathroom. I had to shower her at 2:30 in the morning. I had to clean the entire bathroom. I had to wash all her bedding. It was a real mess. I’m very worried that she is rushing into assisted living. They told her they care for people with incontinence. I’m so skeptical that they will be able to assist her every time she needs to go. I’m skeptical that they will be able to clean her, her bathroom and everything else in the middle of the night. Can someone answer these concerns?!
If she is in a care home setting, they usually have alarms that go off when someone gets up at night, they can assist her to stop the mess from being made.
Wherever she goes you need to find out before she moves how they deal with it. You need to give them the heads up on worse case, that way they know and can determine whether she is a fit or not.
I would let him know that he could be right back moving her if her care needs are greater than represented and beyond their actual services.
It is soooooo difficult to place a parent and lots of adult children are in denial about their parents actual decline, kinda prevalent in men. Not all of them, but I know your assistant would be beneficial to ensure she is properly placed.
So hard, Hugs!