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I feel so guilty that I feel this way but it's so hard to watch them deteriorate before my eyes. They are so sad they can't do what they used to.

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I say it every single day. Please take her. I am getting ready to sell my soul to the devil to get rid of her. I know. But that is how much I hate her.
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I understand what your feeling!its the longest goodbye!its a long journey and it doesn't mean you don't love them!you mourn them why they are alive each part that you lose from them!my mother has had it for 20yrs now!she is 89 I miss so much about her!our long conversations she always had such wisdom and she was my best friend!
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Thank you so much for your replies. I don't feel so alone now. Or so guilty. God bless you all.
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At times I feel sad that my cousin is no longer herself. I miss her. I sure do hate that she can't have her life the way she wanted it. Dementia is so cruel. She's told me that she is afraid of losing the memories of her parents. They were great parents.

I don't want her to be in pain. She suffered a spine fracture and it still bothers her. I've noticed her hand dexterity is fading. Her incontinence is increasing. Her attention span is very short too, but then I arrive for a visit and she is so upbeat. She seems so happy. She's thrilled with the doll I got her for Christmas. She's tickled over the jewelry and decorations I brought for her room. There don't seem to be any concerns. On these days, I'm thankful and think that maybe, she is happy and that her time left will be peaceful. We just can't know what they are truly thinking and what the next day will hold. It's as if, I expect it any day, yet I can't imagine it happening. It just breaks my heart.
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I personally think these feelings are normal. While I was devastated and heartbroken that my mom was gone. I felt a huge sense of relief, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I knew my mom was in a better place, pain free and Abel to talk, laugh and dance with her loved ones who passes before. I am sure our Lord met her with open arms! I had an uncle who always said "I want to die". I used to tell him God doesn't want you yet so be happy while you are here. I wish and pray for peace and comfort for you on this difficult journey.
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Both of my parents died fairly young and quickly and while I would give anything to have them back, I wouldn't want to watch them go slowly like my grandparents did.
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I felt that way for the last two years of my patients life, I cared for him for 7 yrs and watched him be neglected for five of those years powerless to stop it and I tried.
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You are not alone. There is a long list of threads which express the same feelings. I hope you will look at the link below and read.

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=wishing+your+parents+would+die

It is hard to watch them deteriorate and see them no longer be able to do with they us to do. I think part of what makes this so difficult is in facing their own mortality, we are forced to face our own earlier than we would like to.

Some of this comes from the sear exhaustion of anticipatory grief and feeling totally powerless to fix anything.

Take care and do something nice for yourself today instead of beating yourself up emotionally.
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